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My husband and I have been married for 6 years now. Other then a few instances when we were dating (being flirtatious with other women / lying about hanging out with an ex at a bar) I have no other reason not to trust him. To my knowledge, he has been *technically* faithful the entire time I've known him. But...I still don't trust him. I just get a bad feeling when he is around other women (when I'm not there.) For example, at his job. He works in a building where there are over sixty people, two of them being female. My husband not only befriended one of the only females, but chooses her as his partner for projects. He will come home and tell me a *little* about their conversations and they seem flirtatious to me. Like, how she asked him to speak to her in French, or told him where she lives. He gets all excited when he starts talking about her. It just seems shady to me. To make matters worse, they have a few nights coming up where they have to stay the night (military) and I'm just not comfortable with it. How does everyone else deal with their significant others befriending coworkers or just the opposite sex? I'm assuming I'm just being jealous / insecure, but if I'm the problem, how do I get over it? I don't want to tell him how I feel because I don't believe it would change anything - he would just stop telling me things.
That's a tough one. I was a military wife also but my ex never gave me a reason to be jealous.
Since there is no way you can "get rid" of her, how about trying to be friends and get to know her?
a) cheating is tougher for the other woman if she knows you
b) if your hubby is acting shady when you meet her, you know something is up
c) maybe she is cool and you gain a new friend
d) if your husband does not want you to meet her, you have a legit reason to be upset
I don't want to tell him how I feel because I don't believe it would change anything - he would just stop telling me things.
If that were true, then he IS hiding something, and you would still have something to talk about.
You have to tell him how you feel so he can either ignore your feelings or acknowledge and respect them.
It's hard, but you don't have marriage without trust. You either trust him or you don't. How he reacts to your telling him about your feelings will tell you a lot.
If that were true, then he IS hiding something, and you would still have something to talk about.
You have to tell him how you feel so he can either ignore your feelings or acknowledge and respect them.
It's hard, but you don't have marriage without trust. You either trust him or you don't. How he reacts to your telling him about your feelings will tell you a lot.
Not necessarily. He might just not tell her about the other woman to avoid a fight but it doesn't mean he is actually doing something bad. The military is a male dominated field and he might just like working with a cool woman for a while and enjoys the attention. Doesn't always lead to something more. It can be either way but I wouldn't pull the "HE MUST BE CHEATING" card immediately.
If you don't trust your husband, he needs to know that and why. If he has given you no reason to suspect him being unfaithful, then you may need to take a look at yourself.
I am very friendly with a girl I work with. We talk about our relationships with one another in a friendly way. Do I flirt? I am a natural flirt. My lady knows this. She also knows I wouldn't betray her trust like that. I had a week long business trip with Sharlet in May. My Blackbird wasn't thrilled, but she understands there is nothing I can do.
I would, and do tell her, about any personal conversations that Sharlet and I have.
Blackbird and me are attractive flirts by nature. You must trust your partner, or there can be no relationship
My husband and I have been married for 6 years now. Other then a few instances when we were dating (being flirtatious with other women / lying about hanging out with an ex at a bar) I have no other reason not to trust him. To my knowledge, he has been *technically* faithful the entire time I've known him. But...I still don't trust him. I just get a bad feeling when he is around other women (when I'm not there.) For example, at his job. He works in a building where there are over sixty people, two of them being female. My husband not only befriended one of the only females, but chooses her as his partner for projects. He will come home and tell me a *little* about their conversations and they seem flirtatious to me. Like, how she asked him to speak to her in French, or told him where she lives. He gets all excited when he starts talking about her. It just seems shady to me. To make matters worse, they have a few nights coming up where they have to stay the night (military) and I'm just not comfortable with it. How does everyone else deal with their significant others befriending coworkers or just the opposite sex? I'm assuming I'm just being jealous / insecure, but if I'm the problem, how do I get over it? I don't want to tell him how I feel because I don't believe it would change anything - he would just stop telling me things.
Whether he is cheating or not (and none of us know if he is or about to) the bottom line is, you don't trust him.
Lack of trust means lack of respect.
Once there is no respect in a marriage there is no hope for the marriage.
Either do what it takes to establish some trust or see an attorney - but don't keep wasting your time just complaining and belly aching.
Just because he gets along and befriends the woman at work it doesn't mean anything. I get along with women better than men, typically. I associate with the guys at work, but the women talk far more in depth to me than they do the other men.
On my last project I befriended a woman at work very well. We'd talk a lot at work when we both had down time. I told my girlfriend about her, it was no big deal.
You know what I also did just to reassure my girlfriend and simply because this new woman was only a friend? I invited her to dinner on several occasions with myself and my girlfriend. She came with us and we had a great time. My gf and my coworker got along great and my gf understands. Not to mention, the coworker dates a lot and tells me about her guys she dates, and later on at one point we even went out to dinner with her and another guy she was seeing.
I used to talk to another girl a lot on facebook and texting. A girl I had known for a long time, but we were just friends. I didn't "hide" my phone, and I told my gf about it and often what we were talking about, usually fitness related stuff. So, when we were in the same city as this girl I knew, we went to go see her together! More reassurance for the gf, not that she ever needed it, but I do it out of respect.
Another girl who I used to sleep with and stayed in touch with for many years later, I also introduced to my gf. My gf knew we used to "date" a bit, but knew we were just friends now. And, of course, they are friends now. They talk on their own sometimes on facebook and such.
You should try the same with your husband and see how he reacts. Is the woman single? If so, have him invite her out with you guys. If she's dating someone or married, invite them both. YOU, as his wife, should have no problem with this. However, if he makes all sorts of excuses, gets uneasy, etc., then I'd be more weary. Unless he has really legitimate justifiable reasons, no reason you guys can't all meet up and go do something sometime if they are truly just friends.
Is your husband full time military? Although this doesn't mean your husband is cheating, military coworkers aren't like civilian coworkers. Being in the military is a lifestyle and you spend way more time with your coworkers than in any other job. You also tend to form very close bonds with them. Of course there are faithful people in the military but cheating was quite prevalent when I was there.
Is your husband full time military? Although this doesn't mean your husband is cheating, military coworkers aren't like civilian coworkers. Being in the military is a lifestyle and you spend way more time with your coworkers than in any other job. You also tend to form very close bonds with them. Of course there are faithful people in the military but cheating was quite prevalent when I was there.
I believe what we said was that everyone was screwing everyone else of the opposite gender.
Yes, in a testosterone filled environment when you spend months away from your spouse, flings happen. Many spouses accept this, some don't. Not right or wrong, its just what you feel it means to you.
My neighbors wife told me that he had been a virgin till he meet her. He is a damn lt. Col. He has been in long enough, he was no virgin. If he was, he had some issues personally. Of course she says he barely has sex with her, im starting to feel some homosexual tendencies from him. Whatever floats your boat
I believe, in transparency and honesty in a relationship. You should definitely voice your concerns, OP.
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