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love sunsets, I make a point of watching them during summer months.
94, and going peacefully.. not a bad way to go
62 is way too young.. I am sorry
I'm also sorry for your dad. It must be so difficult to be the one left.
I might call him.... all the sudden I'm filled with a great amount of sadness for him..... he has a bad leg and he's all alone in that big empty house of his.... just him and the dog Louie....
I might call him.... all the sudden I'm filled with a great amount of sadness for him..... he has a bad leg and he's all alone in that big empty house of his.... just him and the dog Louie....
There comes a time in life when you're ready to go. An old person telling me they are ready makes sense. It is hard to grasp when it's your own parents who make those declarations.
I did just call him.... Got him on a good day, he seemed to be in pretty good spirits, he likes to list off all the stuff he's been doing, so we went through that, I guess he's been trying to keep himself somewhat busy, he's got some ex in-laws that live in the area and they check in on him quite a bit, so that helps, I'm 4.5 hrs away, so it's nice that there's someone pretty close to him. His now passed wife got along really well with the ex in-laws so it was a pretty good situation overall. There is a condo complex that they live in and my dad's trying to sell his place and get a unit in the same complex as them, we were there at their house for this past Thanksgiving and it is a good complex, clean and looks pretty safe, plus like I said, it's good that someone will be that close to my dad.
I feel somewhat guilty for not getting up to see him more, matter of fact I really did f up, his wife died in May and I didn't get up till November, I sort of feel ashamed of myself for that... it's just before you know it 6 months goes by..... excuses excuses.... IDK, I've ranted on here before about this, but my dad is a challenging person to be around.... he's not a bad guy, but he just tries my patience at times.
We're like water and oil, just in the sense that we're completely different people, he's brash and loud and outspoken, sort of a center of attention extrovert, and I'm not any of those same things....
My Dad is from Brooklyn and back in the day before the area started to get trendy it was rough and full of thug types... my dad had it hard growing up and he comes off like a gangster at times, course he did do some nefarious activities when he was younger and he ended up leaving the area and I think it wasn't voluntary if you follow me....
Anyways growing up I was a sensitive quite kid and soft spoken and I think that didn't jive with my dad's phony bravado...
Jeesh... I feel like I should be laying down on a couch and paying by the hour.... LOL
Quote:
Originally Posted by SD4020
There comes a time in life when you're ready to go. An old person telling me they are ready makes sense. It is hard to grasp when it's your own parents who make those declarations.
True, he might not just be poppin off.... he may be ready to go... he's 75 or 76, not sure exactly... but with his bad leg and probably the shock and pain of the loss, he's starting to look like a little old feeble man and I found myself snapping at him a bit.... again, ashamed of myself, but I think since it's couch time, that I was scared and for the first time in my life my Dad didn't look like my "Dad"......
Maybe the realization that your larger than life father is just a simple man.
Just like we all are....... we're simple men.........
That realization is a coming of age thing too. Or a realization of the fragility of it all. My old man is 81. In really good health and sharp as ever. But he is 81.
I did just call him.... Got him on a good day, he seemed to be in pretty good spirits, he likes to list off all the stuff he's been doing, so we went through that, I guess he's been trying to keep himself somewhat busy, he's got some ex in-laws that live in the area and they check in on him quite a bit, so that helps, I'm 4.5 hrs away, so it's nice that there's someone pretty close to him. His now passed wife got along really well with the ex in-laws so it was a pretty good situation overall. There is a condo complex that they live in and my dad's trying to sell his place and get a unit in the same complex as them, we were there at their house for this past Thanksgiving and it is a good complex, clean and looks pretty safe, plus like I said, it's good that someone will be that close to my dad.
I feel somewhat guilty for not getting up to see him more, matter of fact I really did f up, his wife died in May and I didn't get up till November, I sort of feel ashamed of myself for that... it's just before you know it 6 months goes by..... excuses excuses.... IDK, I've ranted on here before about this, but my dad is a challenging person to be around.... he's not a bad guy, but he just tries my patience at times.
We're like water and oil, just in the sense that we're completely different people, he's brash and loud and outspoken, sort of a center of attention extrovert, and I'm not any of those same things....
My Dad is from Brooklyn and back in the day before the area started to get trendy it was rough and full of thug types... my dad had it hard growing up and he comes off like a gangster at times, course he did do some nefarious activities when he was younger and he ended up leaving the area and I think it wasn't voluntary if you follow me....
Anyways growing up I was a sensitive quite kid and soft spoken and I think that didn't jive with my dad's phony bravado...
Jeesh... I feel like I should be laying down on a couch and paying by the hour.... LOL
its good to talk/vent/complain.
I'm glad you called him. I understand being away, life just goes on & all of a sudden it is 6 months.
It sounds like he had an interesting life, and I 100% understand being the sensitive kid in a loud/brash home. It is challenging at times.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound
True, he might not just be poppin off.... he may be ready to go... he's 75 or 76, not sure exactly... but with his bad leg and probably the shock and pain of the loss, he's starting to look like a little old feeble man and I found myself snapping at him a bit.... again, ashamed of myself, but I think since it's couch time, that I was scared and for the first time in my life my Dad didn't look like my "Dad"......
Maybe the realization that your larger than life father is just a simple man.
Just like we all are....... we're simple men.........
don't be ashamed, its also confronting and difficult for you to also realise that time has flown.
A friend of mine is quite similar, his parents were never really there for him, and now that they're older they depend on him a lot.... He gets a little frustrated, but is also realising they really are getting older.. and that is hard to deal with.
I think at some point, the ageing process just goes so much faster.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SD4020
That realization is a coming of age thing too. Or a realization of the fragility of it all. My old man is 81. In really good health and sharp as ever. But he is 81.
My parents are pretty young, dad is 64... he still acts like he is in his 30s though
That realization is a coming of age thing too. Or a realization of the fragility of it all. My old man is 81. In really good health and sharp as ever. But he is 81.
It's good to hear.... my dad didn't live a clean life, he is/was a hardcore alcoholic and he abused himself with that quite a bit... I like a little of the grape, but I don't come as close to that as my professional alkie father did.
He just drinks beer now and he seems like he just has a few and doesn't get sloppy or out of control like he used to.... I just think it's the miles have caught up with him.
I have a hard time connecting with people, people seem to like me in real life and on the forum, but I have a deep deep darkness in me and at times a depression that is crippling. I have a hard time telling the people that I love that I love them....
It's rather pathetic, but I'm working on it. I'm also struggling with how I'm going to deal with my father, part of me just wants to tell him to bugger off, but I know if I did that I'd be ashamed of myself.
I think I'm just going to have to ignore the cats in the cradle deal that I have with him and just take the higher road, treat him as well as I can and let him think that we have this ok relationship.......I've posted on here before that I want to be a better man and if that's the case I have to sometimes do the heavy lifting and be that "better man"
I don't know what your relationship with your father is, but if it's good.... tell that old bastard that you love him and that you appreciate him in your life.
I don't have that bad of a relationship with my dad, but it ain't that good either....
It's good to hear.... my dad didn't live a clean life, he is/was a hardcore alcoholic and he abused himself with that quite a bit... I like a little of the grape, but I don't come as close to that as my professional alkie father did.
He just drinks beer now and he seems like he just has a few and doesn't get sloppy or out of control like he used to.... I just think it's the miles have caught up with him.
I have a hard time connecting with people, people seem to like me in real life and on the forum, but I have a deep deep darkness in me and at times a depression that is crippling. I have a hard time telling the people that I love that I love them....
It's rather pathetic, but I'm working on it. I'm also struggling with how I'm going to deal with my father, part of me just wants to tell him to bugger off, but I know if I did that I'd be ashamed of myself.
I think I'm just going to have to ignore the cats in the cradle deal that I have with him and just take the higher road, treat him as well as I can and let him think that we have this ok relationship.......I've posted on here before that I want to be a better man and if that's the case I have to sometimes do the heavy lifting and be that "better man"
I don't know what your relationship with your father is, but if it's good.... tell that old bastard that you love him and that you appreciate him in your life.
I don't have that bad of a relationship with my dad, but it ain't that good either....
So.... I'm working on it.
That's not that abnormal. My dad wasn't terrible close to his parents. My grandparents split when my dad was 5 months old. My dad was raised by his grandparents. It almost seemed like my grandmother all but ditched my dad. Dad had an older sister and later on two half brothers. It may have been later on that dad had a choice, he stayed with his grandad. His grandmother passed away when he was nine.
It only takes 182.5 pigs a year for Walter to have one pig ear every day since 2 ears equals 1 pig.
He very much appreciates pigs and their ears and he likes bacon too.
Chow, I think you should give yourself a break. Vent as much as you want, but give yourself a break. You are there for your dad, and I am sure he knows you care. It's difficult when you are hours away. My dad is only 60 but he has some pretty serious health problems. We are lucky to still have him around. SD and I are 550 miles away, but we visit as much as we can and help my parents out as much as we can. They know we would do more if we could. By contrast, my two siblings live in the same damn county as my parents, yet they won't lift a finger to help out or just visit my dad and take him places to get him out of the house. They work together to prevent my parents from seeing my niece. Hell, last time I tried, my sister told me my parents and I can all eff off. It infuriates me.
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