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That's probably true. However, if she was only meeting the 1% she found suitable after weeding out the others, I'd have to think a fair number of them were boyfriend material, unless she was poor at weeding them out, which could be the case as well. You also have the factor that if you have this many first dates, it is easy to fall into the trap of being super picky, I probably would as well if I had options to that extent.
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Originally Posted by MrRational
That's getting into personal value judgments and I really don't want to indict her on that level.
My point is about the simple math of it.
With even modest discrimination it's hard to get that many even in a big city
...unless the only qualifications are gender and a pulse.
I was serious about only meeting 1%. I think that is pretty discriminating. The pool of men online (and these were mostly men) is just pretty dank. Even the top 1%, most of them are not that great.
I also think there is a factor that Mr Rational is not considering. For women, physical attraction is based on senses other than visual. (Check out the scientific research in this area.)
If I have not met someone IRL, I am in the same position you are when you have not seen someone's photo. Imagine OLD without photos. How long would you email before seeing what someone looked like? How many people would you screen out before seeing them?
You'll note that I said that this only applies to people who you're into/vice versa. I'm not recommending that everybody kiss everybody at the end of every first date. But if I like you and you like me, it's my opinion that a kiss at the end of the date is appropriate, and that holding out intentionally feels more like game playing than anything else.
Regarding your last paragraph, this is obviously more a personal preference than a recommendation, but I've found that the women more inclined to make a guy wait several dates for a kiss are the kind who are less likely to participate in any kind of "sex awesomeness". I know that's not universal, just my experience.
If she's simply "tolerating" a kiss because she doesn't want it, we're not going to move as far as sex anyway, so that's also kind of a moot point.
There's no game playing, holding out, or making anyone wait. I am just a highly sexual person who needs more than one date before I can determine whether I am attracted to someone. (You remember, of course, that I always pay my own way on dates.)
As for the 'tolerating', it really was implied in your initial phrasing.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Can't recall any dating experiences where things went really well that didn't have some making out on the first date. There were a few, but generally (and unfortunately) I kept dating them because they were awesome people, despite their not being passionate people at heart; generally also I found the longer it takes for a first kiss to occur, the worse they were at kissing. Maybe that is because they weren't attracted enough to me to want to make out with me? I don't know. These things have held pretty constant during my 25 years of dating.
If I'm really into the guy, I'll let him kiss me. But if I'm on the fence about him at all, I'll just peck him on the cheek when I say good night and that's that. There was one guy who got very fussy about that, and he never heard from me again.
There's no game playing, holding out, or making anyone wait. I am just a highly sexual person who needs more than one date before I can determine whether I am attracted to someone. (You remember, of course, that I always pay my own way on dates.)
As for the 'tolerating', it really was implied in your initial phrasing.
The first paragraph is the concept that's so foreign to me. I know immediately (or figure out pretty damn quickly) if I'm attracted to someone. I actually kind of judge people that take longer, as if they can't figure out what they want? I'm not sure how to put thats, I suppose.
The second paragraph was either faulty phrasing on my part, or faulty interpretation on yours. To clarify: I wouldn't expect someone to kiss me if she's not into me, or vice versa. I made that pretty clear. It's the "taking longer to figure that out" that's odd to me.
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Originally Posted by timberline742
Can't recall any dating experiences where things went really well that didn't have some making out on the first date. There were a few, but generally (and unfortunately) I kept dating them because they were awesome people, despite their not being passionate people at heart; generally also I found the longer it takes for a first kiss to occur, the worse they were at kissing. Maybe that is because they weren't attracted enough to me to want to make out with me? I don't know. These things have held pretty constant during my 25 years of dating.
This is how it's been for me. The underlined has applied for me as well, and doubly so for sex.
There's no game playing, holding out, or making anyone wait. I am just a highly sexual person who needs more than one date before I can determine whether I am attracted to someone. (You remember, of course, that I always pay my own way on dates.)
This is a really good point. This type of woman also needs to make sure what she's getting into (or who she might be getting into) before unleashing those gale-force winds. Once she decides she's attracted to the guy, needs to be sure, at the least, that he'll be a considerate lover. She needs to know they'll be able to get along. Making these assessments takes time. So if you're dating a woman who's taking her time, it may mean the opposite of what you think it means. It may mean that if you pass muster, you're in for a real treat.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hivemind31
The first paragraph is the concept that's so foreign to me. I know immediately (or figure out pretty damn quickly) if I'm attracted to someone. I actually kind of judge people that take longer, as if they can't figure out what they want? I'm not sure how to put thats, I suppose.
Or they're trying to convince themselves one way or the other; they're thinking too much.
Kissing is fun, or it is with people that are good kissers. If you think the person is cute, and you're having a fun / flirty conversation and liking talking to the person, it just is natural to see if your lips fit well together.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
It may mean that if you pass muster, you're in for a real treat.
Never seen it happen. I suppose it could, but in reality (my reality) it almost always means you're in for some vanilla frosted vanilla.
Just curious: have you ever met someone that thought they were terrible in bed?
I can't say I have.
Ok, well it is good that we have identified the problem .
I am a prude, despite the fact that I have never found a man whose sex drive was as high as mine. I am no fun in the sack, despite um, stuff one is not allowed to say here. And I can improve by being more discriminating while kissing hundreds of strangers.
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