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Can one give up what one never takes up? I looked around me and saw and the heartache, confusion and drama of my friends' dating or coupled up lives and thought 'I ain't gon' be doin' that.' I didn't and I won't.
I know me, and I also know anyone who'd be willing to put up with all the physical and psychological baggage that goes with being me would have a few dozen hefty suitcases of her own. Thanks but no thanks.
I never gave up on women even after a divorce that I was basically burned alive in by my ex. I found my dream woman because of all that pain, but have now lost her to serious medical issues. I will never be in another relationship beyond being friends ever again, but I haven't really "given up on women." I like women. Very much. But my heart goes with the lady I have lost. There's just nothing left for me to give another that way. I'm not cold or standoffish with women, and most of my friends are women. My lady's close women friend have sort of adopted me, knowing the grief state I am in. They're great and are very supportive and understanding. Much more so than my male friends who are not understanding of how I feel at all. Telling me to just move on and don't look back. Since I knew this time was coming that I should have bailed long hence. It truly mystifies them why I stayed with her to the end instead of just finding someone else.
No, I certainly haven't given up on women, just on having intimate relationships that involve my heart. I have no heart to give. Not in that way, not anymore. And it's my women friends that understand me, and support how I feel. They know how much I loved my lady, and always will. Excluding all others. How I feel about this makes perfect sense to me. 20 years in a miserable marriage, then I find real, true honest love only to lose her after a short five years is just to much for me to be willing to take a chance again. I just have nothing left that way. In that sense I've "given up." I have two close personal woman friends I have known since high school, plus the new ones who were friends of my lady. I only have two men friends. When I hear men saying they have given up on women altogether I feel sorry for them. Women and men CAN be very good friends without romantic involvements. So from where I'm sitting just tossing women out of my life altogether doesn't make sense.
I know me, and I also know anyone who'd be willing to put up with all the physical and psychological baggage that goes with being me would have a few dozen hefty suitcases of her own. Thanks but no thanks.
You can spout all your hatred about how atrocious relationships are, but you're not fooling me, or anyone else on these boards, LOl.
I will never be in another relationship beyond being friends ever again, but I haven't really "given up on women." I like women. Very much.
...I certainly haven't given up on women, just on having intimate relationships that involve my heart.
...When I hear men saying they have given up on women altogether I feel sorry for them. Women and men CAN be very good friends without romantic involvements. So from where I'm sitting just tossing women out of my life altogether doesn't make sense.
So sorry for your loss, brother.
My situation is very different from yours, but my feelings are the same.
I've been lucky to have had a few significant relationships and one long marriage to some amazing women. I still have some wonderful lady friends, love and admire women and am attracted to them. I'm not bitter about this.
But I have developed some physical disabilities over the past few years and I know that no woman is ever going to look at me in a romantic way again. My days of that kind of love and intimacy are over.
I haven't given up exactly, just not bending over backwards anymore because no woman appreciates it anymore. So I won't spend a lot of $$$, especially in the beginning, and I refuse to do any over the top romantic gestures. Its just not worth it. Times have changed and women no longer appreciate a good old fashioned man. I've never been a doormat "nice guy", BUT I'm also not overly assertive/aggressive with women. Not my style. Not passive, just don't over pursue and not a smooth talker. AT this point I'm exhausted from trying so hard so I'm just doing my own thing.
Most of the "can take it or leave it" types I know just prefer to live or have a lifestyle that most others wouldn't really follow or have no interest in.
Their enjoyment of life simply lost the majority of its need to have a companion along the way with.
It's not that hey have given up so much as it is life was moving in a direction that really didn't need it to remain happy or fulfilled.
I understand it, the older I age the more the sentiments ring with me as well.
Life becomes less about wants and more about needs.
EDIT: old ass thread that I already answered years ago...
My situation is very different from yours, but my feelings are the same.
I've been lucky to have had a few significant relationships and one long marriage to some amazing women. I still have some wonderful lady friends, love and admire women and am attracted to them. I'm not bitter about this.
But I have developed some physical disabilities over the past few years and I know that no woman is ever going to look at me in a romantic way again. My days of that kind of love and intimacy are over.
Regrets expressed for your situation as well. I'm not bitter either. Many who know me on here have read my ravings bout how much I loved that little lady. It is a pretty devastating loss, especially to lose her that way. Even knowing the outcome going in I would still choose to be in the relationship. I can now say with certainty I have experienced True Love. THE one. Being with her has been the highest point of my life, right up there with when my son was born.
I am fortunate in having my lady friends. They have been a Godsend through this. Having been her friend and seeing us together they know all to well how I'm feeling and where I'm at. Truly, one of my two male friends is perilously close to not being a friend anymore. Perhaps my best friends being women sees my Man Card revoked with him and within certain circles, but I wouldn't change a thing. Things re as I need them to be that way. I don't feel one bit diminished as a man for having loved the way I have and for feeling extremely fortunate to have such wonderful lady friends.
Lemme check ...Yep! All maleness intact. One former friend of mine, a man, is extremely bitter and harsh in his attitude toward women. This jading has made him a serious control freak and that outlook seriously tainted our friendship. We had been friends since grammar school, but people change, and not always for the better. He was another who would have seen me bail when my precious lady got sick. There was no way I could have even considered it. Sticking through did gain me a couple new friends.
It's a rather ...odd...feeling isn't it. Just knowing with such certainty inside that you're done. The march is over. Taking such an entirely different outlook on life. I believe you know what I mean. Best of luck to you. One Lone Ranger on High Lonesome to another.
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