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No, but we have the choice to make it better or not. We have free will.
Yes but without getting heavily into the wrong topic for this section, GOD and beliefs for many in the end and the possible price to be paid trump doing what one may want even though they have free will and it could be a pleasant thing(s). Depends on one's beliefs and such.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lol-its-good4U
Yes but without getting heavily into the wrong topic for this section, GOD and beliefs for many in the end and the possible price to be paid trump doing what one may want even though they have free will and it could be a pleasant thing(s). Depends on one's beliefs and such.
Fair enough, but don't complain if you go that route (I'm not speaking specifically to you, just in general).
The Flying Spaghetti Monster doesn't restrict me with any rules and it's just as valuable as any of the rest of em.
I am Catholic and try to be devout (I will be the first to admit I am not perfect). but I go to church every week and try to live my faith (not preach it to others, but "live it")
Anyway, I am also divorced. So I know a lot about the topic of the Catholic Church and divorce. As soon as my ex told me he wanted a divorce, after calling my mom the first person I talked to was my priest. The Catholic Church does not see divorced people as damaged or sinful--although for some reason, some Catholic laypeople (people who aren't priests, bishops, etc) mistakenly do. That pressure and misunderstanding from people who didn't really understand the Church's stand on divorce almost caused me to leave... but I kept talking to my priests and they gave me support and encouragement.
And the Church understands that in this day and age of no-fault divorce, sometimes it can't be helped. And it also say in some circumstances (like abuse) it sees divorce as necessary. Where the problem lies is when someone is divorced and remarried without an Annulment from the Church.
Anyway, I won't get too into it. But I went through divorce and annulment and as far as the Church is concerned, I am "single" and able to marry again in the Church. And I will tell you, the annulment process is an eye opener because it forces you to talk to other people about your marriage, what went wrong, and why. It's very insightful. And it forces you to take some "time off" between divorce and dating again. It's almost like a healing process... it's rough to go through, but when it's over, it's like a weight has been lifted off of you.
So my point is, it is possible with the Catholic Church to be a divorced parent and be able to marry with the full blessing of the Church. You don't have to be someone who has never been married.
Just when it couldn't get worse. My family likes Taco Man but a cousin thinks I can do better. To prove her point she signed me up on Match, created a profile and added my photo. "I" got a lot of responses but most are well let's just say ew. Too many unattractive men and too many single dads. She omitted the single dads part from my profile but when a single dad contacts me I just say no thanks.
Honestly this makes me uncomfortable that she did this. The reason she did it is because she was married to an alcoholic and he's now in prison for killing someone drunk. She thinks the same will happen with my boyfriend. He got arrested again for something else (not DUI)and is a mess.
You should thank your cousin for loving you so much, and realize that she is right. Tacoman is going to suck you down a black hole of nothingness if you stay with him. This is his third arrest in a year; this time being a misdemeanor doesn't make it any less! He has broken probation again. He will probably go to jail for awhile.
As a parent, I am sure that your family is disgusted by this 50+ alcoholic jailbird loser that lives with his mother. But instead of putting you on an online dating site, I'd have gotten you an appointment with a therapist who can help you with your self-esteem issues.
I am Catholic and try to be devout (I will be the first to admit I am not perfect). but I go to church every week and try to live my faith (not preach it to others, but "live it")
Anyway, I am also divorced. So I know a lot about the topic of the Catholic Church and divorce. As soon as my ex told me he wanted a divorce, after calling my mom the first person I talked to was my priest. The Catholic Church does not see divorced people as damaged or sinful--although for some reason, some Catholic laypeople (people who aren't priests, bishops, etc) mistakenly do. That pressure and misunderstanding from people who didn't really understand the Church's stand on divorce almost caused me to leave... but I kept talking to my priests and they gave me support and encouragement.
And the Church understands that in this day and age of no-fault divorce, sometimes it can't be helped. And it also say in some circumstances (like abuse) it sees divorce as necessary. Where the problem lies is when someone is divorced and remarried without an Annulment from the Church.
Anyway, I won't get too into it. But I went through divorce and annulment and as far as the Church is concerned, I am "single" and able to marry again in the Church. And I will tell you, the annulment process is an eye opener because it forces you to talk to other people about your marriage, what went wrong, and why. It's very insightful. And it forces you to take some "time off" between divorce and dating again. It's almost like a healing process... it's rough to go through, but when it's over, it's like a weight has been lifted off of you.
So my point is, it is possible with the Catholic Church to be a divorced parent and be able to marry with the full blessing of the Church. You don't have to be someone who has never been married.
Exactly. This is why I say IDDY needs to stop playing the religion card. It's her own hang up and has nothing to do with Catholicism.
So if you meet someone who is divorced and get to that point, they will get an anullment. BFD.
Using your own brand of warped logic, at least someone who is divorced once was able to attract someone enough to marry her. That's more than you can say for a 50 year old man who never married.
I'm never married too, but I attracted many men. No, getting an annulment is not easy and most are denied. Besides, a guy with kids is not a man for me.
You certainly can. Perhaps not YOUR church. But I guarantee most churches do not give a rat's patooty whether or not one has been married previously.
But why would I marry someone in another church when I am active in mine? That makes no sense. Nope, not doing that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom
That you are seriously in need of therapy.
Just because I don't date dads doesn't make me in need. The guy probably messed up.
Mod cut: Orphaned (quoted post has been deleted).
Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlikeme
I wish that were true!
All of this reads to me like a teenage girl who's mom is trying to tell her a boy isn't right for her. "BUT NO! You don't understand!"
IDDY - In June 2015, I am marrying my partner of the last four years. He has been divorced for four years, legally separated for the year prior to that per our state laws. I find it funny that you are stating that my fiancé is not a decent man because no woman would dump a decent man. He was a father for about nineteen days when his son passed away from CDH and three weeks later, he was sent to Iraq. His divorce occurred because his ex-wife was cheating on him and got pregnant with another man's baby while he was serving in Iraq! He dumped HER! She wanted him to take care of her and new baby, because the man who got her pregnant was 24, had five other kids from five other women, and didn't even have a GED. My fiancé is a stand up guy. Completed six years as a US Army paratrooper, honorably discharged. In school to become a physician's assistant. A man of integrity and respect, who can't marry in your church.... but I'm A-Okay with that, because I would marry this man at a JOP wearing jeans and a t-shirt. That's what it feels like when you meet the right guy.
To state - "I meet so many losers on OLD!" is nuts because right now - you are dating a loser who lives with his mother!
And you're delusional to think that marriage should enter into this picture at all. Not just because of Taco Man's many issues, but also because of yours. Marriage is about a partnership. In the relationship, there could be times where you make more than your partner and times when your partner makes more than you do. To believe that you are "expected to contribute to their children" is a way of nickel and diming how you look at partnership. Seems to me like you love this guy because you can get married in your church and you really, really, really want to have a church wedding. A wedding is not a marriage.
I never said divorced dads were evil, I stated I don't want to marry one. MY CHOICE. Religion is essential to me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39
So you're basically saying all married women are perfect and there's never a reason for a man to divorce a woman. Wow. You really are delusional.
I didn't say that, what I said was in most cases the man (and the woman)are to blame. Very few divorces are one sided.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lol-its-good4U
IMO Directly, Straightly and Bluntly as a friend :
You love him almost as much as (not admitting or realizing this) hating him but your love is blinding you to all this as well as you're compromising wrongly.
If you marry him it'll become a marriage of having bodies (his Mom as well in a matter of speaking) next to you (conscious or unconscious) and not much if at all good else if you don't get hurt in the process/"bargain".
This relationship has red flags all over it from where I'm sitting.
Outside of his drinking it doesn't but his drinking is a problem.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari
That doesn't make him your best option. He is going to go down and bring you with him.
I met a man online who was perfect for me. Unlike you, I did not want a man who was never married and had no kids. That is what I actually wanted. Someone who had been married with children.
I found what you were looking for. A man who had never been married and who has no children.
They are out there.
Yeah they are out there, met a few online. The problem is so many weren't interested in me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
This is smelling more and more like a anti-single people with children rant account than a sincere poster. I have struggle believing that anyone that thinks they're a prize like the OP does thinks an active alcholic that lives with his mother (in his middle aged years) is a better catch than a divorced dad with his life in order.
Well, I haven't been shy about stating that I have serious issues with divorced (or never married)parents in most cases. They should leave people like me alone when I ask them too.
I'm never married too, but I attracted many men. No, getting an annulment is not easy and most are denied. Besides, a guy with kids is not a man for me.
Annulments are not that difficult if the person obeyed the Catholic laws of marriage. I've never known a person to have one denied. But hey, don't let the facts dissuade you from your ongoing BS narrative. Much better to stay with a loser alcoholic than actually try finding someone better, eh?
Well then I guess you are going to be saddled with Taco Man. Good luck with ALLLLLL that.
I understand where the OP comes from in as far as what Catholicism teaches and its rules, she then should be VERY VERY VERY PATIENT and find a Single/Annulled Man without children with their life in some sought of order even if he's in a period of unemployment (common these days) but is a worker non-slacker type with a head on his shoulders.
However marriage these days is imho.
Yeah I would definitely be patient because this is important to me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna
If it was a brand new poster I would agree with you but IDDY has been a broken record about this topic for over a year now. I think she's just a sad older woman who has this mental block in her head and is now reaping what she has sowed. Countless posters have tried to help her understand and she has refused to even entertain the idea that a man with kids could be a good option. So instead of choosing an awesome never married guy with no kids she has this alcoholic loser that she's fallen in love with. Sad but she's an adult and can make her own horrible choices in life.
I'd take an awesome never married childless man but not dads.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
Or she won't. If people are going to have regimented standards that are inflexible due to external rules, they're going to have to accept they very well are going to more likely be alone (due to constricting artificially the pool) and they may be alone for ever. It's a martyr thing. Yeah, I'm alone and miserable, but I didn't break any rules!!
Congratulations.
I'd rather be single than date a dad.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean
I am Catholic and try to be devout (I will be the first to admit I am not perfect). but I go to church every week and try to live my faith (not preach it to others, but "live it")
Anyway, I am also divorced. So I know a lot about the topic of the Catholic Church and divorce. As soon as my ex told me he wanted a divorce, after calling my mom the first person I talked to was my priest. The Catholic Church does not see divorced people as damaged or sinful--although for some reason, some Catholic laypeople (people who aren't priests, bishops, etc) mistakenly do. That pressure and misunderstanding from people who didn't really understand the Church's stand on divorce almost caused me to leave... but I kept talking to my priests and they gave me support and encouragement.
And the Church understands that in this day and age of no-fault divorce, sometimes it can't be helped. And it also say in some circumstances (like abuse) it sees divorce as necessary. Where the problem lies is when someone is divorced and remarried without an Annulment from the Church.
Anyway, I won't get too into it. But I went through divorce and annulment and as far as the Church is concerned, I am "single" and able to marry again in the Church. And I will tell you, the annulment process is an eye opener because it forces you to talk to other people about your marriage, what went wrong, and why. It's very insightful. And it forces you to take some "time off" between divorce and dating again. It's almost like a healing process... it's rough to go through, but when it's over, it's like a weight has been lifted off of you.
So my point is, it is possible with the Catholic Church to be a divorced parent and be able to marry with the full blessing of the Church. You don't have to be someone who has never been married.
In your case I understand divorce but in many cases I don't. My issues are more than dating and religion.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarbonCountyLiving
Exactly. This is why I say IDDY needs to stop playing the religion card. It's her own hang up and has nothing to do with Catholicism.
I never said it was only about religion. I have repeatedly stated I don't want the drama or financial aspects of a dad. Did you know I could get stuck helping him pay for child support and alimony? did you know there are people who intentionally look for a new spouse to help them financially or to do things like babysit? why should I be responsible for kids I didn't create? Why should I have to endure baby mama drama?
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My fiancé is a stand up guy. Completed six years as a US Army paratrooper, honorably discharged. In school to become a physician's assistant. A man of integrity and respect, who can't marry in your church.... but I'm A-Okay with that, because I would marry this man at a JOP wearing jeans and a t-shirt. That's what it feels like when you meet the right guy.
:
imho.