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I really want to know what I need to do to lock one of these women up.
I don't want to just date for the sake of dating; that's not my style. I want an actual long-term relationship. I've been putting forth my best effort to make this happen, but it's not thus far. I need some guidance or something to get me on the right path.
Last week, I created a thread about this girl I've been seeing. She's been sort of wishy washy, but she actually initiated a date last week. The date went great. We went to a movie and then out for drinks. I even got her a flower, which she seemed thrilled with. I texted her on Sunday, we had a small exchange. That's been it. I didn't hear from her at all yesterday. Texted her this morning and still no response (though she may be busy, so I'm not overly concerned). If this fizzles out, I'm at a complete loss. I thought I did everything right and to the best of my ability, and it's still resulting in failure.
I just need to figure out what the edge is I need to actually attract the type of woman I would like to be with (no, my standards are not off the charts either). Some people make it sound so easy, that all sorts of great women are chasing after them. So what is that they're doing that I'm not?
Well, you said it yourself...she's been wishy washy. Her post-date behavior validates this. Sounds like things went ok, and then she flaked out. It happens. Keep on keepin' on.
Regarding the underlined: More information is likely needed, but here's some things to consider...
1) You'd be surprised how some people's standards are higher than they believe. Very few people, no matter how picky, feel that they have outrageously high standards. A guy recently said to me that he wanted someone "not super hot just someone that looks like (actress' name redacted)". The actress in question has a "quirky, girl next door look", but is absolutely super hot. He sincerely believes that because her image is one of "plain-ness" that she's not as "hot" as a more traditionally accepted "hot actress". This might not be you, just throwing it out there.
2) Almost NO guy has women "chasing" after him. Even the guys that do WELL (I'd put myself in this category) pursue a TON of women and get no's most of the time. As discussed earlier in the thread, it is how it is. Men have to put forth more effort. The stories you're hearing are either exaggerations, or outright fabrications.
Why would women who you see as "below average" chase after you who sees them as below average??? That's your problem.
They have no idea what I think about them. We all judge people on some level. If you see a fat, balding dude, I'm sure you'd rate him as "below average" as well.
I'm talking about befriending women, any women, who you share common background or interests or life goals, whose company you enjoy with nothing romantic in the way. Keeping them as friends, and then someday it might turn into more if you develop an attraction.
How many single women on CD do you think you have a rapport with and enjoy their conversations, but never thought to say "hey look we live 45 minutes apart. I'd love to go to this hockey game next weekend with you, if you're interested."
Oh, I see what you're saying. Yes, I've done this. I have a lot of "girl"friends in that regard. There's one that probably would be interested in something serious with me, but she lives away now.
Typically, though, if you're just friends, there's typically a reason for that. But I agree, I think this is overall a better option and I much prefer it over OLD.
They have no idea what I think about them. We all judge people on some level. If you see a fat, balding dude, I'm sure you'd rate him as "below average" as well.
No I wouldn't. I find chubby guys to be very sexy thank you very much. I don't use scales of grading to determine someone's attractiveness and there's something about that I wouldn't like in a guy. It is very transparent when you see someone as "below average" and you don't think they realize that you see yourself as settling, when we actually do realize it and it's a turn-off.
You defined major success on OLD as attractive women initiating contact and asking you for dates, and that absolutely doesn't happen for the majority of men online or offline. If that's what you're hoping for, of course you'll be disappointed.
Let's not confuse society's definition of attractive with what I find attractive. As I stated before, I do not have lofty standards. I'd much prefer that we click, personality-wise, than her being a "10".
Needless to say my inbox is empty. Most of the women can't even be bothered to read what you have to say let alone respond to a man. My OLD experience as a man has honestly made me a bit cynical toward dating over all. Why do women even sign up if they don't even read the messages? Just there to get attention and validate their own egos? "I get 20+ guys a day asking me out, I am so hot" Yes...you can hear my cynicism coming through.
This experience makes it hard to have any sympathy for women that say they can't find a man. Maybe it is different where you live but in Montana it sucks for men here. I am not a freak, I don't have a crazy profile, and I send respectful messages. I used to spend a few minutes writing up a message but I don't anymore because most of the time a woman won't even bother to read it.
Is it possible that many aren't a paying member and therefore cannot read or respond to your messages?
I'm not talking just chubby. I'm talking morbidly obese and balding. I've happily dated chubby girls as well.
Do you think women don't know that you only see them as "below average"? We do, and we back down. I don't want to be on a so-called romantic night out, much less a relationship, with someone who thinks I'm only sub-par when I want to be the most.
You should not approach women you don't find to be beautiful just to use to boost your ego that you can get *a* woman instead of the woman you want.
Let's not confuse society's definition of attractive with what I find attractive. As I stated before, I do not have lofty standards. I'd much prefer that we click, personality-wise, than her being a "10".
That's fine. I'm just saying that it's rare for women to initiate contact with men and ask them on dates, so that's not just an OLD issue.
From what you have posted you seem to have a good response rate. Sounds like your issue is something that is happening once you meet / or during the first few dates. Now it could just be the women you select or it could be something you are doing - probably a little of both.
Your definition of success in OLD is different than what women consider success.
Yeah, I agree. Once we meet, something seems to put out the flame. I don't know what it is. I'm not a creepy or aggressive guy, I can tell you that much.
My definition of success in OLD is finding someone to have a long-term relationship with. Are you saying that women are not also interested in that? Because on OKC, it actually specifies if that's what they're looking for.
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That's your problem.
