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She is nowhere near perfect because she rejected you! She maybe 50% perfect for you because YOU think she is perfect. Just be happy she did not reject you later.
Actually I spotted her on a dating site and now is a single mom looking for love. I would never forget this ignorant response
Me: "Mind if I wait with you until the train comes?"
I was rejected recently by a girl that I thought was perfect for me. Definitely not perfect in general but perfect for me, she was the best fit.
Anyways she basically rejected me because she isn't really ready for anything too serious and I am BF material to her after we hung out so many times.
Anyways my stomach is in knots and I feel horrible. How do I get over this? Is it just time?
I keep circling back and thinking I shouldn't have invited her to do certain things or acted a certain way (like a bF or nice guy) and it is driving me crazy.
its the type of feeling like I don't know how I am going to move on from this, I can't see life without her in it.
It's an emotional hell you must pass through. It'll happen more times again. You just must get used to it. Love is like a lottery. You can win, you can lose, not a big deal, actually.
Firstly, forget about the perfect (or perfect for you) notion. Often the person you "click" with on so many levels is bound to eventually have habits or personality traits that drive you crazy sometimes.
Secondly, if she isn't putting any effort into you.....then she's not interested. When someone is, then they will go out of their way for you.
Don't worry about what you said or did in the past. We have all been there. There will be someone else for you. I know it sounds cliched but time does heal wounds and you want someone who is completely into you, don't you?
Get over it? What is to get over? The person does not think you are right for them. Someone else will. I see nothing to get over - it just is what it is.
Get over it? What is to get over? The person does not think you are right for them. Someone else will. I see nothing to get over - it just is what it is.
That's really what so much of rejection boils down to, someone simply isn't interested, which will happen more often than not. But the problem is right in the OP where he said he "can't see life without her in it", so the problem is his creating a relationship where one didn't even exist. That's what he needs to get over, IMO.
Never seek happiness/wholeness from another human being or an outside source. Happiness/wholeness should come from within. Everything else can ONLY compliment your Happiness/wholeness.
Dating is a numbers game. She rejected you upfront; she didn't play you for a fool or lead you on. You should appreciate that she didn't waste your time. Now go and try again.
Tips for attracting the opposite sex:
Get/stay in shape, figure out a haircut that suits your face, dress modern, develop hobbies, travel abroad (traveling abroad creates life experiences/stories), do something outside your comfort zone, and practice your conversation skills with the opposite sex. (practice, practice, practice..)
This is all really good advice, all of it. I'm guessing the OP is pretty young. Those first few are the worst, after a while it won't bother you as much. Also, when going on the first few dates don't have unrealistically high expectations. Just go on the dates with the mindset that you are meeting someone new and you might actually hit it off and more develops. I think this is a by-product of the soul-mate mentality. There are plenty of other women out there who might be perfect for you too. No need to put all your eggs in one basket.
Last edited by david0966; 12-01-2014 at 09:21 AM..
Honestly lol Get a bootycall. Rejection doesn't matter when you know you're getting laid that night regardless. As a man you're much more confident and relaxed
Agree with The Ryu that happiness should come from within.
OP, the worst thing you can do is to let your mind dwell on it. Get more active in your life...take a trip, go to the beach or park with your friends, join a club, try a new hobby, whatever. The point is to get your mind off of it and focused on other things and more importantly, focused on the NOW and whatever's right in front of you. Getting more active will also help you become a more interesting, dynamic and well-rounded person...with cool and funny stories and experiences to share. And yes, dust yourself off and go talk to other women.
And next time you date someone that you have strong feelings for, please don't put her on a pedestal. You need a change in perspective. All this stuff about "can't see life without her in it" is just asking for trouble. You were too invested with the last woman. It's possible she may have sensed those vibes from you, got uncomfortable and decided to back off.
Look, you will not mesh well with (and be attracted to) the VAST majority of women you meet. And even with those you do, most of them won't be attracted to you. Encountering someone where things click from both sides is like finding a needle in a haystack. That is life.
Get the hell out of this habit of blaming yourself (or her, or God, or Obama, or your golden retriever or anyone) when a woman turns you down. Many rejections aren't anyone's fault...she simply felt you weren't the right fit. There doesn't even need to be any specific reason why...she just wasn't feeling it. There is nothing you could have done differently to change that. The right person for her might be someone who's a little awkward and has a lame sense of humor...but the chemistry and compatibility were there and they just clicked...and that's all that matters.
I'm assuming you're pretty young...early 20s or so. Treat what you encountered as a learning experience.
Agree with The Ryu that happiness should come from within.
OP, the worst thing you can do is to let your mind dwell on it. Get more active in your life...take a trip, go to the beach or park with your friends, join a club, try a new hobby, whatever. The point is to get your mind off of it and focused on other things and more importantly, focused on the NOW and whatever's right in front of you. Getting more active will also help you become a more interesting, dynamic and well-rounded person...with cool and funny stories and experiences to share. And yes, dust yourself off and go talk to other women.
And next time you date someone that you have strong feelings for, please don't put her on a pedestal. You need a change in perspective. All this stuff about "can't see life without her in it" is just asking for trouble. You were too invested with the last woman. It's possible she may have sensed those vibes from you, got uncomfortable and decided to back off.
Look, you will not mesh well with (and be attracted to) the VAST majority of women you meet. And even with those you do, most of them won't be attracted to you. Encountering someone where things click from both sides is like finding a needle in a haystack. That is life.
Get the hell out of this habit of blaming yourself (or her, or God, or Obama, or your golden retriever or anyone) when a woman turns you down. Many rejections aren't anyone's fault...she simply felt you weren't the right fit. There doesn't even need to be any specific reason why...she just wasn't feeling it. There is nothing you could have done differently to change that. The right person for her might be someone who's a little awkward and has a lame sense of humor...but the chemistry and compatibility were there and they just clicked...and that's all that matters.
I'm assuming you're pretty young...early 20s or so. Treat what you encountered as a learning experience.
Hmmmm her picking up on my overly invested vibes kind of makes me feel like it is in fact my fault. Doing too much too soon or giving too much of myself too soon, I guess could scare someone off. The whole thing is sad because I feel like I had her pretty much, and then when I got over eager and did a few really nice things for her I feel like everything shut down.
I feel like that is the reason unless she was just using me from the start to fill some gap or void in her life.
I remember being younger and on a third date one time a girl bought me pajamas! She also bought me a few other cheap gifts which were weird social party gifts. It scared the sh** out of me and I ran for the hills. In hindsight I kick myself in the butt because she was great, what do I care if she gets me stuff.
But my point is I guess I can see how doing too much too soon makes someone run for the hills. It just sucks because like I said it makes me feel like if I (ME!) exercised restraint I would have been able to be just fine and she would be chasing me... But instead I get all wrapped up in it because I had never been with a girl like this before and got Way too attached.
What do I do if she tries to call me or tries to hang out again? Should I chalk it up as her just using me to be friends or maybe as a back up guy?
Last edited by goofball83; 12-01-2014 at 07:12 PM..
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