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Listen to what he said to you. That is what he means.
Yeah, meanwhile I have another bunch of people telling me to pay attention to what he does so who know's what is true.
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My advice for you...don't go into a casual relationship hoping for "more" it hardly, if ever, turns out well.
I didn't go into anything hoping for "more". My feeling developed over time. Please don't assume things.
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I hate to say this...but it seems like he's more comfortable being huggy, etc. simply BECAUSE he's set the parameters. He has told you he only sees you as casual; therefore, he doesn't need to worry that you'll read too much into things.
That would make him a jerk, which he is not. He had plenty of chances to reiterate that he didn't want a relationship but he didn't. He was too busy caressing my cheek.
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And the "Your emotions..." Seems like it's not a good thing. Depending on his tone and how it was said, sounds like he thinks you're a bit worrisome with your feelings-rather than just enjoying the nice sex you have to make it complicated and/or mushy.
He said it as a joke.
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This is just my experience, and there may be quite a few howls over this...but...any time in my life that a guy really wanted me, he moved mountains to get me, and there was ZERO ambiguity as to whether or not he wanted a relationship with me.
That's cute. lol
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Who doesn't kiss during sex?
He doesn't. The kind of sex that we have is not conducive to kissing. He does kiss before though.
Well OP, if you are so sure of his feelings and seem to know all the answers, why did you come here to ask? If one is so confident that they know so much, they don't need to ask other people-let alone strangers online.
You asked, and as most here have said, it seems he's just going through the motions because you told him you were tempted to stop if he didn't see you as more.
Yes, actions speak louder than words. But if those actions only started to show after a threat, then chances are, they're not genuine. You asked if he saw you as casual. He said yes. Then when the talk of stopping the sex came up, he started acting better. The "I'm being intimate" line seemed to seal that. Kind of like "Ok, I am being romantic now-happy?"
And he didn't reiterate he didn't want a relationship because he's told you already apparently. He shouldn't have to keep repeating it. He told you when the arrangement started that he wasn't really looking for serious. He shouldn't have to say every week "By the way, we're still just casual.". It's like college teachers. If you have an assignment due, they tell you what it is, and when it's do. That's enough. You're not retarded, so they feel they don't have to stand over and hound you to do your work. So, when you asked again about the relationship status, he said casual was still where his feelings were. So, you've heard it twice now, in addition to him going through motions of intimacy under duress.
And caressing cheeks, and all that other stuff is nice. but doing it still doesn't guarantee deeper feelings. I have seen it. Girls ask similar questions you do. Does the guy love her, and she says they do all this intimate stuff. But the relationship didn't go any place. Friends with benefits is having all the benefits of a relationship and being cordial friends. However, you are not dating and there doesn't have to be exclusivity, and even if it's sexually exclusive, it's still just casual until one of you gets tired of the sex, or meets someone else that has girlfriend/boyfriend potential.
Last edited by HappyRain; 12-06-2014 at 08:35 PM..
Yes, actions speak louder than words. But if those actions only started to show after a threat, then chances are, they're not genuine. You asked if he saw you as casual. He said yes. Then when the talk of stopping the sex came up, he started acting better.
Well OP, if you are so sure of his feelings and seem to know all the answers, why did you come here to ask? If one is so confident that they know so much, they don't need to ask other people-let alone strangers online.
You asked, and as most here have said, it seems he's just going through the motions because you told him you were tempted to stop if he didn't see you as more.
Yes, actions speak louder than words. But if those actions only started to show after a threat, then chances are, they're not genuine. You asked if he saw you as casual. He said yes. Then when the talk of stopping the sex came up, he started acting better. The "I'm being intimate" line seemed to seal that. Kind of like "Ok, I am being romantic now-happy?"
And he didn't reiterate he didn't want a relationship because he's told you twice already apparently. He shouldn't have to keep repeating it. He told you when the arrangement started that he wasn't really looking for serious, and again when you asked. How much more does he need to say it?
And caressing cheeks, and all that other stuff is nice. but doing it still doesn't guarantee deeper feelings. I have seen it. Girls ask similar questions you do. Does the guy love her, and she says they do all this intimate stuff. But the relationship didn't go anyplace. Friends with benefits is having all the benefits of a relationship and being cordial friends. However, you are not dating and there doesn't have to be exclusivity, and even if it's exclusive, it's still just casual until one of you gets tired of the sex, or meets someone else.
As I've already stated before, he was perfectly fine with taking sex off the table. All he wanted was to be friends with me. He kept saying that. HE'S the one that asked to come over to see me. HE'S the one that started putting his hands on me. I was ready to never talk to him again (he didn't know that). When we had the conversation he didn't even sound sure of himself. He expressed before that he liked me more than just a causal relationship but I didn't make him do anything about it at the time. HE IS NOT THE TYPE OF MAN THAT WOULD DO SOMETHING JUST BECAUSE I WANTED HIM TO. He could have had sex with me and left right after but he didn't, we sat and watched a movie even though he as a 5 page paper that he didn't even start yet due the next day plus a presentation. He didn't have to do that and I didn't expect him to. He did that on his own.
Well OP, if you are so sure of his feelings and seem to know all the answers, why did you come here to ask? If one is so confident that they know so much, they don't need to ask other people-let alone strangers online.
You asked, and as most here have said, it seems he's just going through the motions because you told him you were tempted to stop if he didn't see you as more.
Yes, actions speak louder than words. But if those actions only started to show after a threat, then chances are, they're not genuine. You asked if he saw you as casual. He said yes. Then when the talk of stopping the sex came up, he started acting better. The "I'm being intimate" line seemed to seal that. Kind of like "Ok, I am being romantic now-happy?"
And he didn't reiterate he didn't want a relationship because he's told you already apparently. He shouldn't have to keep repeating it. He told you when the arrangement started that he wasn't really looking for serious. He shouldn't have to say every week "By the way, we're still just casual.". It's like college teachers. If you have an assignment due, they tell you what it is, and when it's do. That's enough. You're not retarded, so they feel they don't have to stand over and hound you to do your work. So, when you asked again about the relationship status, he said casual was still where his feelings were. So, you've heard it twice now, in addition to him going through motions of intimacy under duress.
And caressing cheeks, and all that other stuff is nice. but doing it still doesn't guarantee deeper feelings. I have seen it. Girls ask similar questions you do. Does the guy love her, and she says they do all this intimate stuff. But the relationship didn't go any place. Friends with benefits is having all the benefits of a relationship and being cordial friends. However, you are not dating and there doesn't have to be exclusivity, and even if it's sexually exclusive, it's still just casual until one of you gets tired of the sex, or meets someone else that has girlfriend/boyfriend potential.
Agreed on all accounts.
I'm getting a real sense that the OP already had her mind made up when she made this post.
She asked this question not to get advice/clarity but for reassurance. It is evident in how she is down playing the advice and other's opinons.
Honestly if the guy has not flat out told you "I want to be with you" or hasn't made any kind of attempt to show you he wants a real relationship BEFORE you basically threatened him with not giving him anymore sex, then chances are he is not coming around. All that caressing and letting you lean up against him is not indicative of wanting more. He is just doing that keep you happy which = more sex for him.
I understand you like him, and more than likely your feelings are making you see what you want see....but in all honesty I don't think he see's you like that. I'm not being mean, just being honest. Have to face reality.
I'm getting a real sense that the OP already had her mind made up when she made this post.
She asked this question not to get advice/clarity but for reassurance. It is evident in how she is down playing the advice and other's opinons.
Honestly if the guy has not flat out told you "I want to be with you" or hasn't made any kind of attempt to show you he wants a real relationship BEFORE you threatened him with not giving him anymore sex, then chances are he is not coming around. All that caressing and letting lean up against him is not indicative of wanting more. He is just doing that keep you happy which = more sex for him.
I understand you like him, and more than likely your feelings are making you see what you want see....but in all honesty I don't think he see's you like that. I'm not being mean, just being honest.
As I've already stated before, he was perfectly fine with taking sex off the table. All he wanted was to be friends with me. He kept saying that. HE'S the one that asked to come over to see me. HE'S the one that started putting his hands on me. I was ready to never all him again (he didn't know that). When we had the conversation he didn't even sound sure of himself. He expressed before that he liked me more than just a causal relationship but I didn't make him do anything about it at the time. HE IS NOT THE TYPE OF MAN THAT WOULD DO SOMETHING JUST BECAUSE I WANTED HIM TO. He could have had sex with me and left right after but he didn't, we sat and watched a movie even though he as a 5 page paper that he didn't even start yet due the next day plus a presentation. He didn't have to do that and I didn't expect him to. He did that on his own.
Ok. So that brings back the question of why you're here? If you know he loves you and wants to be with you, why question it? Log off and go enjoy the new-found relationship. Apparently, you're sure he loves you.
So, going by you, he's a wonderful guy who's coming around and loves you. Why question it? if you have questions, that means you have doubts. And if you have doubts, then it's possible you are telling yourself what you want to believe. And like stated above, you wanted people to tell you "Oh yes, he loves you." Now that that hasn't happened, you have complaints and arguments with everyone's thoughts and get defensive.
I don't know him. So, I won't say he's a creep using you. But from most here, myself included, he likes the sex, and he wants to continue having it now that he's gotten it. And again, he may like you as a friend. People do Friends with Benefits all the time. FWB means they care for one another as friends, and get along. But sex is a perk/extra. And it still =/= true love or that anyone wants a solid exclusive relationship. So, that's my thing. He may care for you as a person and friend, but not a girlfriend. Again, I could be wrong. But I am not involved with him, and you are. So, figure it out yourself, if you're so sure.
Last edited by HappyRain; 12-06-2014 at 08:52 PM..
As I've already stated before, he was perfectly fine with taking sex off the table. All he wanted was to be friends with me. He kept saying that. HE'S the one that asked to come over to see me. HE'S the one that started putting his hands on me. I was ready to never talk to him again (he didn't know that). When we had the conversation he didn't even sound sure of himself. He expressed before that he liked me more than just a causal relationship but I didn't make him do anything about it at the time. HE IS NOT THE TYPE OF MAN THAT WOULD DO SOMETHING JUST BECAUSE I WANTED HIM TO. He could have had sex with me and left right after but he didn't, we sat and watched a movie even though he as a 5 page paper that he didn't even start yet due the next day plus a presentation. He didn't have to do that and I didn't expect him to. He did that on his own.
Why are you so incredibly defensive then?? Calm the fck down.
YOU came here with a scenario and a question. Many of us answered based on the INFO YOU PROVIDED. Then you backpedal and add MORE info.
YOU know the guy better than we do. Take that and the OPINIONS we offered and figure out what YOU want.
Ok. So that brings back the question of why you're here? If you know he loves you and wants to be with you, why question it? Log off and go enjoy the new-found relationship. Apparently, you're sure he loves you.
So, going by you, he's a wonderful guy who's coming around and loves you. Why question it? if you have questions, that means you have doubts. And if you have doubts, then it's possible you are telling yourself what you want to believe. And like stated above, you wanted people to tell you "Oh yes, he loves you." Now that that hasn't happened, you have complaints and arguments with everyone's thoughts.
I don't know him. So, I won't say he's a creep using you. But from most here, he likes the sex, and he wants to continue having it now that he's gotten it. And again, he may like you as a friend. People do Friends with Benefits all the time. FWB means they care for one another as friends, and get along. But sex is a perk. And it still =/= true love.
I don't have complaints and arguments with everyone's thoughts. I get tired of people with quick and fast answers about things they only know on the surface. The details of what I do with him is none of anybody's business. The minute a relationship is not heart candies and roses it's away "move on" "find somebody else". At least think about the question instead of throwing stuff out there or cosigning on other people's comments.
I came here to ask if I should take what he did as a sign of things moving in a different direction without giving my whole life story away. I got my answer (along with a bunch of people cosigning) so I'm good. At the end of the day I'm going to do what I want to do.
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Calm the fck down. 
