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So she's ok with having sex with you, but just doesn't want to initiate conversation when you're not together since she's been hurt in the past. Ok.
Geez, she's a lush too?
Something similar happened with my ex as well. We had slept together and then it ended up being too much for her. What ultimately happened is I had a relationship mindset while she had a dating mindset. If I was more dating focused, we would have been fine, but I likely wouldn't have been as much into her. I knew I wanted a relationship with her and we got to that point and then she got scared and started looking at all the things she didn't like.
What the OP has going on is just too difficult to work around. Much like what my most recent ex said, and sadly it's true, it shouldn't be this hard. You shouldn't be looking for faults in her and she shouldn't be looking for faults in you. Minor faults everyone has, but it just seems like both of you aren't meeting on the same wave lengths.
I think it's fine that she wants to take things slow. Everyone has a definition of taking things slow. Most of the times I heard that statement, we'd hang out once a week or so, but things ultimately came to an end. It's just the overall dynamic of taking things slow in a lot of life's situations. Communication tends to drop off.
You need to speak up OP and make a decision of what you want to do. Find out what taking things slow means to her. Also, decide if you are willing to take a step back and take things slow. Does that mean still seeing her exclusively or seeing other women during the process. Seeing other women during the process will only cause more problems if you ask me.
I don't think she's a lush. She is pretty entitled though. Going on a date and spending someone elses $100 on drinks isn't something I would do that's for sure.
I've done it plenty of times, and it has been done for me plenty of times too. It's fine as long as it is a two way street.
I'm just wondering how many drinks they each had if the bill was that high.
At a decent place, 3 each. Not much. He said it was a nicer place.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
What exactly is "taking it slow"? You were already having a physical relationship a couple of dates in, so the only slow thing I see is her communication with you in between those times.
Wanting to take the progression of the relationship slow. Seems clear to me. She wants it casual. I know this board has a lot of OMG sex is a huge deal people (and an odd number of adult virgins), but the sex and taking things slow and casual aren't contradictory in the least.
I get so tired of that line "I've been hurt in the past". We all have. If you haven't resolved it, stop dating until you do.
What exactly is "taking it slow"? You were already having a physical relationship a couple of dates in, so the only slow thing I see is her communication with you in between those times.
I was thinking the same thing; sex on the 3rd date is "taking it slow"? What does "taking it slow" mean in that context? She wants to use you for sex and free drinks until she decides she wants to make things official?
If she wants to "take things slow", she should pay her own way until she decides to speed things up. Whatever "things" that would be.
I was thinking the same thing; sex on the 3rd date is "taking it slow"? What does "taking it slow" mean in that context? She wants to use you for sex and free drinks until she decides she wants to make things official?
God people, sex is not that big a deal to most people and it is not an indicator of wanting to get serious or ramp up the intensity of the relationship. It's just sex. It is one of the enjoyable parts of getting to know someone.
As it taking people out on dates, and yes, often treating them.
God people, sex is not that big a deal to most people and it is not an indicator of wanting to get serious or ramp up the intensity of the relationship. It's just sex. It is one of the enjoyable parts of getting to know someone.
As it taking people out on dates, and yes, often treating them.
Thanks for the reality check.
Still, Liberty's right in that for a lot of people, male and female, it can cloud their perception of what's going on and whether the partner is a suitable one for them or not. Sex can cause people to overlook red flags, and to get attached prematurely. Sex is the reason that breakups usually are painful, and highly emotional. It's rare that when someone tells their partner, after a sexual relationship of any duration, "hey, it's not working for me", the partner will just shrug, "Oh, ok", and shuffle off quietly. Sex is more than just a means of getting to know someone, like paging through each other's family photo albums together.
Still, Liberty's right in that for a lot of people, male and female, it can cloud their perception of what's going on and whether the partner is a suitable one for them or not. Sex can cause people to overlook red flags, and to get attached prematurely.
It can to some people, and when it ends, it ends and that will stink, but hopefully they had some hot sex in mean time. Which is better than not having hot sex.
It can to some people, and when it ends, it ends and that will stink, but hopefully they had some hot sex in mean time. Which is better than not having hot sex.
That's not a universally held opinion. It's for each individual to decide whether the emotional wear-and-tear is worth a few rolls in the hay. Some decide it isn't, and wait for something that looks like it has a good likelihood of succeeding as an LTR.
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