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The person your wife should want revenge on is you. You purposely broke your vows. Nobody forced you to do so. And apparently, you picked a crazy woman.
Just from a rational standpoint, why would some mystery person hire a detective to snoop on you and your former affair partner? Makes no sense. It is the affair partner creating/continuing this drama.
Block the number from landlines and cell phones. Block the email address (yes, she can create a new one). The worst thing that you can do right now is to give this person even the slightest bit of attention--positive or negative. Ignore all calls, texts, emails, etc. Do not acknowledge it at all.
Your wife wanting to get revenge is natural at this point. I would encourage her to hold off on that for now. The focus needs to be on the two of you and repairing and rebuilding what you broke.
BTW--You can find an the IP address in an email unless it's sent through gmail or a proxy server. The IP will give you a general location of the sender.
I think Jane is still trying to cause more harm. Probably still has 'hope'. If it is her, she is obsessive and there is something wrong with her.
My wife wants Jane to pay. If the mystery emailer is Jane, that means her husband doesn't know as of yet. I'm in a tough position because I want to focus on moving forward but i totally understand my wife's revenge feelings. Help!
(PS - I am letting my wife read this whole thread. At this point she need to know everything I am doing).
Revenge never made anyone happy or reversed a situation. Be good to your wife. Work hard on your marriage. Get the police after your emailed and move on with life.
What exactly is police worthy in this situation? Have there been physical threats? Blackmail attempts? I don't think that sending emails saying that she knows which hotels you stayed at is a criminal offense - especially if it is, in fact, your mistress. And I still don't understand what is so upsetting about this mystery woman relaying info that you and your wife are already aware of. Maybe I'm missing something.
Ashley Madison shows intent. Sounds like someone was and is thinking with the wrong head.
That's what makes me shake my head hardest.
You can almost (ALMOST) understand someone who kept wanting to rub up against a co-worker, but to go to a stupid website like that is pretty much unforgivable. IDK
You can almost (ALMOST) understand someone who kept wanting to rub up against a co-worker, but to go to a stupid website like that is pretty much unforgivable. IDK
They have a LOT to work on and work out.
That is why walking away would make the most sense.
You can almost (ALMOST) understand someone who kept wanting to rub up against a co-worker, but to go to a stupid website like that is pretty much unforgivable. IDK
They have a LOT to work on and work out.
No kidding. I am very surprised that the OP's wife is willing to work this out with him. I love my husband to death, but I don't think I could be as strong at OP's wife. In fact, I'd have to leave him because I do love him and wouldn't be able to stand knowing that he'd been with another woman. Oh, and I wouldn't want to go to prison for killing him. Let's not forget that part.
OP, I think you need to send a final email to this person that says that if contact continues, you will be getting the police involved. Then, I would follow through. The person does not have to threaten you. If you ask for contact to cease and it doesn't, then I'm pretty sure the police can do something about it. I doubt the person will get arrested, but if the police find out who it is, a stern talking to might be enough to put an end to this craziness.
I would be doing everything that you can to put an end to this. Change your number. Block unknown phone calls. Get the police involved ASAP. You need to get this situation figured out before you and your wife can ever work on moving on, which I'm sure is going to be a long enough process as it is.
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