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I am good at making any decision except one where it involves a relationship. Not that everyone here has the best advice, but I usually sift thru it all and come up with a good answer. The GF travels for work on a pretty regular basis and to some cool places. She is never a big communicator while at home but at least away I am used to getting a good morning/good night call or if she doesn't call, I call her to see how she is and how things are going. Until recently.
Last months trip she is gone four days and I hear nothing first two days. I call the third to see if all is well and she blows me off with "no time to talk" and she makes FB postings at 3am with what a great time she is having. No time to talk but time to post on FB. Hmmm.
This months trip I asked if she would at least text me and let me know she made the flight ok. But...no word, so I call. She calls back an hour later and "to busy to talk" again. Tells me i should "go out and have fun" while she is gone because she is. Wtf? A couple days into this trip I call to talk. Blows me off with "gotta get a shower and go to bed". I say goodnight. Send her a text in the morning to see if she is still on schedule to come home on time. Tells me she just got out of the shower no time to talk! I tell her she must be taking a lot of showers and that was end of communications. She uses the old shower excuse and others on her own family as an excuse not to talk and get off the phone. I guess she doesn't realize I see this and I am not totally stupid.
Anyway....I am feeling pretty ignored and unappreciated right now. She tells me I am "being a baby" because I feel the way I do. I should use her time away to go out and have fun with my friends and party. I am guessing this is because she is trying to make herself feel better about doing the same while out of town. She always claims to be in bed by 11pm while out of town, but then when she gets home it's stories of being out till 3am. Always some lame excuse like she went to bed and couldn't sleep, so got up and went back out.
I know she thinks this is "normal" and she is doing nothing wrong. We have discussed it. I am really considering ending the relationship and moving on because of this. I just feel like I am a convienence to her anymore and not someone she loves, even though she says she does. I don't think this is how you treat someone you care about. Am I wrong for wanting to bail because of this, or am I the big baby she says I am. I think it is at least being considerate for a quick call in the morning and at night. It was suggested that she knows I love her and she is comfortable in our relationship and she feels she doesn't have to keep in touch.
she blows me off with "no time to talk" and she makes FB postings at 3am with what a great time she is having. No time to talk but time to post on FB. Hmmm.
I stopped right there.
Seriously? That is one of your beefs?
It takes ten seconds to post on Facebook, and she did it at an odd hour. So what?
SInce you need serious hand-holding, this is not the woman for you. You mention up front she is not a great communicator... well, here she is, being herself.
You cannot change her....
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bearsdad
I am guessing this is because she is trying to make herself feel better about doing the same while out of town.
I don't think she is feeling bad about what she's doing.
You just seem more emotionally invested than she does, and need more communication/contact.
Been there, done that. It sucks. I think this is one of the main imbalances that cause relationships to end, and it is a perfectly valid reason.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bearsdad
I think it is at least being considerate for a quick call in the morning and at night. It was suggested that she knows I love her and she is comfortable in our relationship and she feels she doesn't have to keep in touch.
Thoughts?
The truth is in between. If I'm dating someone and secure and we're away for a couple of weeks, there isn't going to be phone calls everyday, or maybe at all (other to arrange for airport pick ups), but a text every once in a bit. It varies by relationship, but yeah, its just not a good match and you aren't in tune with what each other needs.
Location: IN>Germany>ND>OH>TX>CA>Currently NoVa and a Vacation Lake House in PA
3,259 posts, read 4,331,793 times
Reputation: 13476
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bearsdad
Last months trip she is gone four days and I hear nothing first two days. I call the third to see if all is well and she blows me off with "no time to talk" and she makes FB postings at 3am with what a great time she is having. No time to talk but time to post on FB.
Me personally, I wouldn't put up with this crap. Call me a baby, clingy, whatever, but there should be a certain amount of respect in a relationship. It's obvious that right now this girl has none for you. I would prepare myself to move on if I were you.
I don't think she is feeling bad about what she's doing.
You just seem more emotionally invested than she does, and need more communication/contact.
Been there, done that. It sucks. I think this is one of the main imbalances that cause relationships to end, and it is a perfectly valid reason.
The truth is in between. If I'm dating someone and secure and we're away for a couple of weeks, there isn't going to be phone calls everyday, or maybe at all (other to arrange for airport pick ups), but a text every once in a bit. It varies by relationship, but yeah, its just not a good match and you aren't in tune with what each other needs.
You are right with the bolded and I've been there and done that as well. When one person is more emotionally invested than the other, the relationship can never prosper. You're on two different wavelengths and one person is having to hold back to hope the other person catches up. Both people can become resentful, because they aren't being true to themselves.
You want a woman who's more into you and keeping in contact with you. Not smothering you, but obviously cares a little more about what you are doing. This is where you find out that you two are just not a good fit for each other.
Before marriage, any reason is a good reason to dump someone if you're not happy with the relationship. You don't have to justify it to anyone. But yes, you've got plenty of reason to dump. She's probably just using you.
If shes a gf? she sucks at communicating. If shes a casual? then you're being a big baby.
I don't consider her casual. She asked me to move in over a year ago, which I did because my lease was up and I was trying to buy a house and it made sense as I was there all the time anyway and my house sat empty for the most part. She talks of us buying a place together and talks of marriage, but I am not at that point with her because of situations I am not comfortable with just like this one. I know she thinks there is nothing wrong with what she is doing because she has said so.
She asked me to move in over a year ago, which I did because my lease was up and I was trying to buy a house and it made sense as I was there all the time anyway and my house sat empty for the most part.
This is one of the worst reasons to move in with someone you are dating. Don't let a lease determine your romantic future!
If you don't like the way she communicates, and she thinks there's nothing wrong with it, then you probably should begin looking for a new place to live.
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