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My problem is committing.. at this time in my life. I am feeling like I am just now beginning to enjoy being an independent, single female. I am " in the zone" with my job, finances, socially, my house etc
I don't have anything against relationships and I really want to do the married with kids thing .. In the ( not too distant) future, but right now I am just having too much fun! Some of my co-workers and friends who are in my age range and in committed relationships have indicated to me that they'd wished they'd waited a few more years before making that leap.
Not that they're unhappy.. Just wished they'd waited.
And money.To attract women now a days. Thats the core you speak of. The more you have, the more of your faults she will overlook. I mean that in a nice way.
I don't think money has anything to do with the concept of love, but I hear what you're saying that dating can be superficial at times.
Now hear me out on this. I have never been married, had a kid, etc etc. But from my experience with romance first hand combined with the relationships ive witnessed and been around, I am starting to come to the conclusion that love, romance, and the closeness that comes with it isnt actually real to a certain extent.
Why do I say this? Because the idea of romance has been gassed up so greatly in our society that I feel like many of us are chasing a concept...a concept which doesnt really function in the same way that many of us would like to believe it does.
What I am basically getting at is in almost every situation now adays, it plays out this way. Whoever has more pull in the relationship will have more power. This weighs in with many factors. But most of the time it is always women who have the upperhand. having better looks and more options. There are cases where the man has the upperhand in these areas. But mostly its women. And who could blame em? When you have so many dudes getting at you, you are obviously going to be susceptible to that.
What I have noticed for me when Ive dated is that no matter how much I get caught in the moment, the fun times, kissing, getting to know a girl, etc etc I am always humbled. Always shown that I am an option. A fun time passin by for them, but the possibility of them curving you for whatever reason is entierley possible. It doesnt really matter how much they seem to like you or how much they make you think somethings there, it can end at any moment,
I used to get mad at this. I took it personally. "why did she start ignoring me? Things seriously seemed to be going great?". Id find out she was seeing a dude she had more interest in, or maybe got back with an ex. Id wonder...was it me? But I try not to let that get to me or control me. I know who I am. But its still frustrating.
But what I learned is...I really cant get mad about it. I just need to almost be the awareness behind all of it. See it for what it is. A fun time. A fun time that could end at any moment and will end at some moment in time. And i just need to be emotionally ready to let go at any moment in time.
Having a relationship isnt the same as having a family member or close best friends. With those people, the love is almost always unconditional. You can always find a friend whos loyal and has your back. But I dont seem to understand how so many people invest their time, money, and emotions in a situation where the love is very conditional and depends and very conditional things,
I've witnessed a lot of the same thing. And though I do believe I know some couples who will stay with one another forever, my opinion is that the vast majority of them probably won't. The power struggle is too prominent, and it's going to catch up with them eventually.
As far as how I myself deal with that scenario, I think the only thing you can really do is take the extra step and be prepared to walk out yourself. Set your limits and don't give an inch.
I've witnessed a lot of the same thing. And though I do believe I know some couples who will stay with one another forever, my opinion is that the vast majority of them probably won't. The power struggle is too prominent, and it's going to catch up with them eventually.
As far as how I myself deal with that scenario, I think the only thing you can really do is take the extra step and be prepared to walk out yourself. Set your limits and don't give an inch.
I understand your point to an extent (and I know that sometimes people can feel blindsided in a relationship), but if you are 'prepared to walk out' at a moment's notice or 'refuse to give an inch', you're definitely setting yourself up for failure in any type of healthy relationship. Reality is - there are no guarantees in love and life, and you may get hurt (or rejected) along the way - most do - but the key is, feeling positive and confident enough about yourself to get back on your feet and move forward. It simply wasn't meant to be. I think many people internalize why a relationship failed i.e. 'was it me', or 'what did I do' or 'does love really exist'? In many cases, though, it's just that two people weren't compatible for the long-term, for whatever reasons; and the sooner that's discovered, the better.
I'd love to be married (and have a child or two); but it simply hasn't happened yet. I continue to enjoy my life in the meantime - and trust it will eventually. I do understand your frustration (and agree everyone has limits and boundaries), but I think compromise and communication are the keys to a healthy relationship (so 'don't give an inch' isn't going to get you far in my opinion).
I understand your point to an extent (and I know that sometimes people can feel blindsided in a relationship), but if you are 'prepared to walk out' at a moment's notice or 'refuse to give an inch', you're definitely setting yourself up for failure in any type of healthy relationship. Reality is - there are no guarantees in love and life, and you may get hurt (or rejected) along the way - most do - but the key is, feeling positive and confident enough about yourself to get back on your feet and move forward. It simply wasn't meant to be. I think many people internalize why a relationship failed i.e. 'was it me', or 'what did I do' or 'does love really exist'? In many cases, though, it's just that two people weren't compatible for the long-term, for whatever reasons; and the sooner that's discovered, the better.
I'd love to be married (and have a child or two); but it simply hasn't happened yet. I continue to enjoy my life in the meantime - and trust it will eventually. I do understand your frustration (and agree everyone has limits and boundaries), but I think compromise and communication are the keys to a healthy relationship (so 'don't give an inch' isn't going to get you far in my opinion).
My advice to "not give an inch" was in respect to wherever you might set your boundaries. There's obviously a large amount of variance there based on the individual, but the point is that the relationship is never going to be "right" for you if you put up with things that aren't in line with your values.
I don't really care if the relationship doesn't work out if it's not the relationship I want for myself anyway. Fail me out of dating school if you have to.
My advice to "not give an inch" was in respect to wherever you might set your boundaries. There's obviously a large amount of variance there based on the individual, but the point is that the relationship is never going to be "right" for you if you put up with things that aren't in line with your values.
I don't really care if the relationship doesn't work out if it's not the relationship I want for myself anyway. Fail me out of dating school if you have to.
I absolutely agree - it's what I said in different words i.e. it simply wasn't meant to be/lack of compatibility, etc. And I'm sure we've all failed 'dating school' in one way or another - lol.
I absolutely agree - it's what I said in different words i.e. it simply wasn't meant to be/lack of compatibility, etc. And I'm sure we've all failed 'dating school' in one way or another - lol.
Well, if there was a difference, it would just be that I think it's okay to be proactive about ending a relationship before someone else does, whereas (and correct me if I'm wrong) I think you might lean toward keeping things going in hopes of seeing improvement.
In the OP for instance, he talks about seeing signs of disinterest from women and then feeling hurt when the relationship finally ends. My advice there is to set boundaries on whether something like unaccountable flaky behavior is acceptable or not, and then not give an inch. I know for me, if this is 0 -12 weeks in and that's what I'm getting from a girl, I'm out without a word and there isn't any looking back.
Well, if there was a difference, it would just be that I think it's okay to be proactive about ending a relationship before someone else does, whereas (and correct me if I'm wrong) I think you might lean toward keeping things going in hopes of seeing improvement.
In the OP for instance, he talks about seeing signs of disinterest from women and then feeling hurt when the relationship finally ends. My advice there is to set boundaries on whether something like unaccountable flaky behavior is acceptable or not, and then not give an inch. I know for me, if this is 6 -12 weeks in and that's what I'm getting from a girl, I'm out without a word and there isn't any looking back.
Absolutely NOT - I don't lean toward keeping things going in hopes of seeing improvement - nowhere did I say any such thing; that would be a huge waste of time for both people. To the contrary, if I'm interested in a woman, I ask her on a date. It's as simple as that. I don't look at it in terms of who is ending it first - nor do I think it really matters. If two people aren't compatible (for whatever reasons), then they aren't compatible. I was simply expressing positive feedback to the original post as to whether the concept of 'love' is real - and I do believe it is. That said, I would NEVER recommend hanging on to a relationship in which one is not happy!
Absolutely NOT - I don't lean toward keeping things going in hopes of seeing improvement - nowhere did I say any such thing; that would be a huge waste of time for both people. To the contrary, if I'm interested in a woman, I ask her on a date. It's as simple as that. I don't look at it in terms of who is ending it first - nor do I think it really matters. If two people aren't compatible (for whatever reasons), then they aren't compatible. I was simply expressing positive feedback to the original post as to whether the concept of 'love' is real - and I do believe it is. That said, I would NEVER recommend hanging on to a relationship in which one is not happy!
a lot of men have very negative preconceptions as to what is expected in "being romantic"...unfortunately many attach jewelry or other trinkets to it, as do many women
I hate the word actually as women use it as a catch all what is wrong with my man "he isn't romantic"
basically...if you love your girl, make sure you remind her...constantly...and not the same way every time
some women genuinely appreciate the little things here and there and it makes them happy...
others have a completely unrealistic expectation as to what LONG term marriage means...its not always the night riding off into the sunset, sorry, and you are by no means a princess, grow up lol
there are lots of ways to make your partner feel loved, appreciated, relevant, important...I just despise that R word
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