If cheating is wrong why do people still do it?

[intelfan11315]

Originally Posted by TabulaRasa

Don't know that I agree with this, necessarily.

I was cheated on in 5-year long relationship. It was devastating. AND, I had zero recourse of any kind when I exited the relationship, which would not have been the case had we been married, and stood to lose a lot with essentially no protection, whatsoever. Someone who professes to love you lying to you, manipulating you, deceiving you, and betraying your trust in such a way is horrifically damaging, and it's not less so absent the presence of a marriage certificate, believe me. You can go behind somebody's back and throw everything away whether that person is your spouse or not.

I didn't say that it's less damaging mentally.

I meant there are less strings attached outside of a marriage so there are other obstacles to face. It's easier to walk away from a relationship than it is a marriage.

[TabulaRasa]

Originally Posted by burgler09

I didn't say that it's less damaging mentally.

I meant there are less strings attached outside of a marriage so there are other obstacles to face. It's easier to walk away from a relationship than it is a marriage.

Maybe.

I would imagine that it's just as hard, if not moreso, to walk away from a years-long cohabiting relationship where there are kids in the picture, complicated financial and interpersonal entanglements, etc. as it is to walk away from a young marriage with no children and no significant assets yet if you are confronted with the knowledge, say, a year in that somebody can't keep it in their pants and decide accordingly that it was a mistake to get married, for instance.

There are a lot of different situations, there's no definitive way to assign what's "easier" and "harder." It's pretty specific to the individuals and the situation.

[intelfan11315]

Originally Posted by TabulaRasa

Maybe.

I would imagine that it's just as hard, if not moreso, to walk away from a years-long cohabiting relationship where there are kids in the picture, complicated financial and interpersonal entanglements, etc. as it is to walk away from a young marriage with no children and no significant assets yet if you are confronted with the knowledge, say, a year in that somebody can't keep it in their pants and decide accordingly that it was a mistake to get married, for instance.

There are a lot of different situations, there's no definitive way to assign what's "easier" and "harder." It's pretty specific to the individuals and the situation.

I wasn't really here to debate what's easier or not easier. Just saying why I thought believe would give examples of marriage.

Both are terrible in my opinion.

[believe007]

Originally Posted by burgler09

I didn't say that it's less damaging mentally.

I meant there are less strings attached outside of a marriage so there are other obstacles to face. It's easier to walk away from a relationship than it is a marriage.

So, so true.....

[iknowftbll]

I think to many the grey area is in how "cheating" is defined. Is it only the complete act of sex outside of one's relationship? Is the threshold as low as simply flirting? What about holding out? That can be considered cheating because if one expects an exclusive relationship but refuses to provide a need required to sustain that relationship, is that not a breach of trust? How about "fiscal infidelity?" I've read a few times that this destroys more marriages today than extramarital sex. There's a lot of ways to cheat, I guess.

[TabulaRasa]

Yep. And not everyone will agree that all of them are cheating.

There are enough conversations on here poo-pooing emotional affairs as not really counting as infidelity to support that reality.

[mkpunk]

Opened ended.
It can be situational where someone cheats only once because of their mindset or does it out of revenge.
It can be the personality.

[fortyfourstories]

Easy question. No problem. hahaha I know its long but I am pretty sure everyone is going to like this

-From a societal standpoint, we all know cheating is immoral. So we can come right out by saying that anyone who does this is willingly doing wrong. The only exception is when two individuals are in a open relationship... a relationship where the two are openly having sex with other people. In any other case, both individuals assumes that cheating is immoral while involved in marriage, or a less serious relationship in which the two have spoken about being exclusive. (Most people actually assume they're exclusive and don't even need to speak about it)

Since there is a long list of reason as to why people cheat, I will not be able to list them all. Instead, I will list what are considered the most common examples. This are not necessarily my take on things, but what I think people may think about this subject.

Let us start with the first and possibly most powerful example.

-In case you're reading this and you're unfamiliar with biology, Humans are indeed animals. Specifically, humans are mammals. There are 5,000+ species of mammals. Of the 5000+ mammals species, there are about 250 that are considered monogamous. To clarify, a species is considered monogamous if they have one partner at a time. Whether or not you believe in evolution is irrelevant to the point. Humans are in a group that makes up 5% of all mammals that are monogamous. Who is to say we are meant to be? From a societal standpoint, people who cheat are ridiculed. Why was marriage created? When was marriage created? What are the benefits in today's world of remaining monogamous?

These are some questions I leave you with to think about this topic.

-Why is it that men seem to be the ones that cheat most? Is it that men are pegged as cheaters in our society and that woman who are awful cheat, but the good woman don't? Those woman are just whores, right? But men... men are sometimes expected to be cheaters. Whether you're a man or woman, tell me a partner that you have dated at any time in your life... I bet you, no matter how in love you were with this partner, you were at some point physically and mentally attracted to someone else... even if it was for a split second. What causes us not to act on these urges? Why shouldn't we act on these urges? Here are some reasons I believe our society has used: disease and cleanliness, fear that another person could pleasure you more than your current partner (or your partner fearing this same thing for you), you or your partner fearing that you will enter into a relationship with this person... No one wants to watch their significant other get sexed by another person because of these things (unless you have a freaky side). This is the territorial side of us. But, if I allow that fear to escape me, I can cheat. I can cheat knowing that I am having casual sex with a person other than my partner, for my enjoyment, and nothing more. After the casual sex is over, I will resume my relationship like nothing occurred. This fear can escape people when they believe that there is no way they would be caught. And so what's next for said cheater? Dealing with guilt? And certain people with morals believe they must inform their partner they have cheated. But what about those without those morals? These are the people who can cheat and not feel guilty. They may tell themselves that they need "this." That SOMETHING will satisfy their urge.

- My next point is about that SOMETHING. This something can be so many different things. For example, maybe their partner is not having enough sex with them. Maybe their partner is not passionate enough... sensual enough, large enough (genital wise) or tight enough (genital wise), freaky enough.
I think the most important thing to look at is whether or not this person feels LOVED enough. Does this person feel appreciated, secure, and like they're not cheated on as well? These things are all key. The reason why these occur are...

-Communication. If the two people talk about these things and the other person is willing to help meet their sexual desire, then there is no real reason to cheat, right? But what about if the person is unable or unwilling to meet their partners sexual desire? Should the person feel as if they have the right to cheat?

-So often I think this is where the relationship fails. You end up living a lie at this point. The two partners are no longer in a trustful relationship.

-I have had a long conversation about this with a man that I know. He is married and has a very young child at home. He has been married for a few years. He consistently cheats. We got into the right and wrong behind this. His defense was: he cheats because he needs to fulfill SOMETHING. He cheats because sometimes his wife is unwilling to have sex with him. He cheats because it is a confidence boost. He cheats because ALTHOUGH EVERYTHING IS GREAT AT HOME, SOMETIMES THERE IS SOMETHING MISSING FOR HIM AND WHY GIVE UP his entire relationship, child living at home, financial situation, and wife, all because he needs to fulfill this. I mean it's just sex, right? So instead, about once a month (sometimes more, sometimes less) he cheats on his wife. She has no idea. And he doesn't think she does the same, but he said if she was and he didn't know... it was like it wasn't happening.

-I would like to end the topic there... but there is one more thing to touch on. What about in the case that someone is providing all of these things to their partner, yet the partner still cheats? We could go back to the topic of mongamy, or the fact that some people may never be satisfied. This especially goes for the twenty somethings. Our young generation has such different ideals. What does sex mean to our culture? What does sex mean to you? Pornography is running rapid on the internet. TV, music, and movies all tell stories of woman and men having sex. Do you think these things may have a slight affect on us as a society? And lastly, do you think that some people settle for a partner and when something else comes along that they consider more ideal, they are willing to have sex with it?