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It's pretty slick how seamlessly things moved from the "backstory" into the full-on launching of the "marriage is bad for men!" soapbox, isn't it? Almost as if...wait for it...that was the whole intent...
Why would you lose access to your kids, in the case of divorce? Shared custody is the norm, these days.
It's silly to catastrophize like this. If you two love each other, have good communication skills (are able to talk about problems that come up, and work them out), and are on the same page money-management-wise, you have a 60% chance of staying married, and being a contented couple. Better than a 60% chance.
And Wildflower is right; none of that has to come true. It's up to you, and how you choose to handle your marriage and the relationship. Marriage doesn't automatically "make" you take each other for granted. That's a choice, not some kind of inevitable result of marriage.
Frankly, OP, it doesn't sound like you've been talking to real, live married couples. It sounds like you've been reading cliche men's blogs on the internet. Your reasoning isn't mature. So maybe you're just not ready for marriage.
What responsibility? The responsibility of being forced to hand over half my assets? It's funny how men are painted as being the ones who are afraid of commitment, yet it is men who propose to women. And isn't it funny how some women claim to be all for commitment, yet they support a legal system that allows them to keep half of a man's assets in the event that it doesn't work out. I'm accused of wanting one foot in and one foot out, yet women every day marry men with the peace of mind of knowing that if it ends, she'll get his house, half his assets and pension, the kids, etc etc. If you're not woman enough to love a man for who he is, rather than wanting the security blanket of a biased legal system, then you have no business having a boyfriend in the first place, and no right to be loved.
And men are the ones afraid of commitment? Don't make me laugh.
Who said you'd have to do that (bolded) in case of divorce? Most divorces are settled out of court.
OP, do you even have any assets to hand over? Somehow, I doubt it. This is much ado about nothing. Clearly, either you really don't care for your SO that much, or this is a fictitious scenario you conjured up, just to rehash the same tired old cliches.
If this is how you want to spend your weekend, go for it. Most of us will be out enjoying the summer weather. Have a nice life.
no, the fact that you came up with all those ridiculous excuses.
Be honest and tell her you NEVER want to get married.
Maybe then she can find one (if she's so inclined) who will.
No. I'm not going to make a huge sacrifice and potentially ruin my life just for the sake of making a gesture like so many other men out there. I'm not going to be another statistic, another lemming.
You say that if I love her, I'll do it, but if she loves me, and if she truly wants the real thing, she'll understand and stay with me. If she wants a gesture, she can have a ring. If she leaves, I'll move on.
If you're that cavalier about the possibility of not spending the rest of your life with her, you're probably not ready for marriage. Or not ready for marriage with this particular woman.
I think your reasons are b.s., by the way. Sometimes people have very good reasons to not get married. Your list of concerns are not good reasons.
EDIT: Nevermind, your next couple of responses after that one revealed you. I can't put my finger on which pot-stirring former user you are, but the argument style is very familiar. As the cemetery keeper in John Carpenter's original Halloween says:
"Why do they do it?"
If this were the right women, its likely you wouldnt have any of these concerns. There must be a reason you are trying very hard to talk yourself out of marriage.
What responsibility? The responsibility of being forced to hand over half my assets? It's funny how men are painted as being the ones who are afraid of commitment, yet it is men who propose to women. And isn't it funny how some women claim to be all for commitment, yet they support a legal system that allows them to keep half of a man's assets in the event that it doesn't work out. I'm accused of wanting one foot in and one foot out, yet women every day marry men with the peace of mind of knowing that if it ends, she'll get his house, half his assets and pension, the kids, etc etc. If you're not woman enough to love a man for who he is, rather than wanting the security blanket of a biased legal system, then you have no business having a boyfriend in the first place, and no right to be loved.
And men are the ones afraid of commitment? Don't make me laugh.
A man's assets? What about a woman's assets? This thing works two ways.
I think you'll be doing your fiancee a big favor by breaking things off with her now rather than later. She may not ever even know how many of her assets you just saved for her.
If that's how you truly feel about marriage, then you shouldn't get married. And you should tell your girlfriend exactly why so she can decide if she wants to stay with you at all.
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