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Mr. CSD and I discussed that before we ever dated and have been discussing it from that point on.
We both had debt for different reasons and we worked together to get all of the debt paid off for both of us.
It took 8 years but we did it and remain debt free and just yesterday made an offer on a home, the offer was accepted and in 3 weeks we will be writing them a check for the purchase of that home. Our own check, not from a bank because there is no mortgage or financing. When that check is handed over our home belongs to us and we won't be sending a bank payments each month.
The dynamics for each couple is different and nothing will work unless you both are on the same page financially and in agreement to how things will be done and both of you remain true to that agreement.
I would like to know how couples have handled these issues successfully and your advice. Especially those that have done it before marriage.
I think that the right time to discuss things will vary by couple, but in my opinion it should absolutely be done before marriage. Unless you have a prenup, I believe any debt brought into the marriage becomes a liability for both parties. I think that it would be terrible to marry someone, only to learn that they are deeply in debt, especially if it was due to some unknown reason, like a gambling addiction or drugs or a secret family.
I currently have no debt, but I have had a mortgage and student loan in the past. If I had been married at that time, I would have felt that both were mine to manage, though I guess I also would expected to come to some kind of agreement with my partner regarding the mortgage. E.g., if I paid the mortgage and he lived with me, then he might pay for groceries and utilities, or for vacations, or for kids' tuition, etc. Alternatively, if he were to share the mortgage with me (i.e., and get added to the title), then do we become equal partners on the house or does he make payments until we have paid in the same amount, etc.
But that's just me and I am not a part of a couple. I will be honest and say that while it isn't a hard and fast dealbreaker, I would probably not marry (or even date) someone with excessive debt, particularly if it was due to feeding vices.
We mildly discussed it while dating as nothing was serious and a future together was only an option and not a for sure deal. As soon as it was clear where the relationship was headed and where we both wanted it to go it it took full affect
Golden rule: it can never be too early but can always be too late.
Last edited by rego00123; 07-24-2015 at 02:46 AM..
Mr. CSD and I discussed that before we ever dated and have been discussing it from that point on.
We both had debt for different reasons and we worked together to get all of the debt paid off for both of us.
It took 8 years but we did it and remain debt free and just yesterday made an offer on a home, the offer was accepted and in 3 weeks we will be writing them a check for the purchase of that home. Our own check, not from a bank because there is no mortgage or financing. When that check is handed over our home belongs to us and we won't be sending a bank payments each month.
The dynamics for each couple is different and nothing will work unless you both are on the same page financially and in agreement to how things will be done and both of you remain true to that agreement.
First of all congratulations on your new home! And thank you for your input.
We have talked about what we want etc.., but now it's coming forth slightly his debt.
I'm not sure how much I should get involved into it in regards to helping him pay it off
First of all congratulations on your new home! And thank you for your input.
We have talked about what we want etc.., but now it's coming forth slightly his debt.
I'm not sure how much I should get involved into it.
Thank you and that decision is purely up to you.
This might be something that wants some advice/opinion from you on how to proceed to get the debt paid off.
You might let it flow for a bit and see if he tells you what he is looking for.
For us we talked about debts before we even dated because we were friends for 5 years and we discussed financial planning, debt payment programs etc.
Thank you and that decision is purely up to you.
This might be something that wants some advice/opinion from you on how to proceed to get the debt paid off.
You might let it flow for a bit and see if he tells you what he is looking for.
For us we talked about debts before we even dated because we were friends for 5 years and we discussed financial planning, debt payment programs etc.
*If he asks you for a loan......run.....LOL*
Thank you for the advice very much appreciated, and no , no loan from me lol.
I just don't know if I'm pushing too much in saying I want to see all of it to pay it off. I know he's very conscious about it
This was a problem that became known early after marriage. I was a bit angry at first but we moved on passed it. She was apologetic and ashamed to reveal. We had been friends so long beforehand and i never knew. She had college loans and sizeable debt with a lower prospects for pay. I had no debt, paid for college myself, savings, a house, and a good paying job. It was clear that it would be a long difficult and stressful process for hr to dig out of debt.
After a bit of consideration (and a few drinks), I asked her for all the accounts and paid off almost all her debts. What remained were student loans which were not that much and low interest. She pays that herself. I pretty much cleared my entire savings. It was stressful but it was clear that we didnt need that type of stress in our new life together. We would never be "equals" in our marriage and financial decisions would always be overly complex as long as one had a sizeable debt while the other had sizeable savings.
That was 14 years ago... my savings and investments has yet to recover. However it was still the best choice. My wife is now quite the frugal person and we are still debt free sans mortgage. Setting fincancial expectations in a LTR as early as possible. We live modestly....
This was a problem that became known early after marriage. I was a bit angry at first but we moved on passed it. She was apologetic and ashamed to reveal. We had been friends so long beforehand and i never knew. She had college loans and sizeable debt with a lower prospects for pay. I had no debt, paid for college myself, savings, a house, and a good paying job. It was clear that it would be a long difficult and stressful process for hr to dig out of debt.
After a bit of consideration (and a few drinks), I asked her for all the accounts and paid off almost all her debts. What remained were student loans which were not that much and low interest. She pays that herself. I pretty much cleared my entire savings. It was stressful but it was clear that we didnt need that type of stress in our new life together. We would never be "equals" in our marriage and financial decisions would always be overly complex as long as one had a sizeable debt while the other had sizeable savings.
That was 14 years ago... my savings and investments has yet to recover. However it was still the best choice. My wife is now quite the frugal person and we are still debt free sans mortgage. Setting fincancial expectations in a LTR as early as possible. We live modestly....
That's amazing you did that, I'm sure your wife is ever so grateful.
There's a mortgage, which is not bad, my concern are the cc.
I would like to see all the statements and plan how much to pay each month, but again Im worrying if Im not overstepping too much
It should be discussed upon engagement in my opinion. In our case, we were both open about everything and there was complete transparency.
Our financial lives were complicated on both sides with multiple properties, children, businesses and earning potential. We discussed a prenup for a moment but never got around to it. We rolled the dice.
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