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This is true for a lot of marriages. But like everything in life, marriage takes a lot of work. If you are one of those people who stop caring once you get married, then it will fail. But, it's the little things that count, and the marriages that keep the love going and respect each other and always try to make the other happy last forever. That's the trick. You always have to keep the love alive. It's difficult, but possible, plenty of people do it and are happy!
It seems that the spark dies in most relationships when people have been together more than 10 or 15 years. Plus when people get married, they never know what type of partner they will be stuck with because people often times are dishonest about who they are until they get married. I would think you get tired of dealing with the same person's flaws and having the same arguments all the time after 15+ years. Plus most couples stop being affectionate or having sex after a few years (there are exceptions) . Once people get comfortable around their spouse, they often feel like they can talk to their partner anyway they choose and not give a crap about how they feel. I have experienced that in my own relationships. So at that point, there is only one reason to stay married? The kids.
I think I would rather slice open my throat then to feel obligated to stay with someone just because we have kids together. Although, I would feel guilty about breaking up a home since I grew up in a 2 parent household.
Now, I see why so many people are anti-marriage....
OP is this your general observation based on your vast knowledge of relationships? You seem to have it all figured out. Thank you so much for enlightening us
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms.Mathlete
Meh. Quite a few of the couples I know (mine included) are still crazy about each other and humping like rabbits, much to the horror of our children.
Yes, and after 40+ years together, kids grow and on their own, peak earning years, there is far less stress and worry, so we have more time and willingness.
It seems that the spark dies in most relationships when people have been together more than 10 or 15 years. Plus when people get married, they never know what type of partner they will be stuck with because people often times are dishonest about who they are until they get married. I would think you get tired of dealing with the same person's flaws and having the same arguments all the time after 15+ years. Plus most couples stop being affectionate or having sex after a few years (there are exceptions) . Once people get comfortable around their spouse, they often feel like they can talk to their partner anyway they choose and not give a crap about how they feel. I have experienced that in my own relationships. So at that point, there is only one reason to stay married? The kids.
I think I would rather slice open my throat then to feel obligated to stay with someone just because we have kids together. Although, I would feel guilty about breaking up a home since I grew up in a 2 parent household.
Now, I see why so many people are anti-marriage....
It waxes and wanes. It's not like you totally lose interest in a 10+ yr relationship. Sometimes, the spark is brighter than others. It doesn't go out entirely. Sheesh. So negative.
I think people unrealistically expect 24/7 butterflies like they had when they first met. It's unrealistic to expect that level of giddy, doe-eyed romanace all the time.
The big payoff of a LTR is feeling that giddy thing out of the blue on a Thursday afternoon for the partner you've known for over 10 years.
It's infinitely better than "new romance" giddy.
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It waxes and wanes. It's not like you totally lose interest in a 10+ yr relationship. Sometimes, the spark is brighter than others. It doesn't go out entirely. Sheesh. So negative.
I think people unrealistically expect 24/7 butterflies like they had when they first met. It's unrealistic to expect that level of giddy, doe-eyed romanace all the time.
The big payoff of a LTR is feeling that giddy thing out of the blue on a Thursday afternoon for the partner you've known for over 10 years.
It's infinitely better than "new romance" giddy.
It's very clear that lot's of people in this forum have been burned by love. Some burned by lousy partners and some people are still burned because they refuse to let it go.
Instead of actually taking into consideration that there are many happy couples out there, they choose to let their own jealousy and rage take control of them. Thus, leading to ridiculous generalizing posts such as these.
Meh you can't win I suppose.
As far as the OP, is concerned: You may be right in SOME cases, but not all. More than likely you're looking at the negative side of things because your relationships didn't work out in the past. Yes I know it sucks but there is no point in trying to bring others down with you.
It seems that the spark dies in most relationships when people have been together more than 10 or 15 years. Plus when people get married, they never know what type of partner they will be stuck with because people often times are dishonest about who they are until they get married. I would think you get tired of dealing with the same person's flaws and having the same arguments all the time after 15+ years.
Sounds like marriage isn't for you, if committing to the same person (and their flaws) for 15+ years sounds terrible.
Quote:
Plus most couples stop being affectionate or having sex after a few years (there are exceptions). Once people get comfortable around their spouse, they often feel like they can talk to their partner anyway they choose and not give a crap about how they feel. I have experienced that in my own relationships. So at that point, there is only one reason to stay married? The kids.
Doesn't really apply to long-term married couples who aren't parents (in addition to being a bit of an assumption about what "most couples" do and don't do, but that's pretty obvious). People commit to relationships for all kinds of reasons. One of them may be raising kids. But, really, from the outside, you don't have any real knowledge of what the factors are that are going into play keeping their relationship going. Truly.
Quote:
I think I would rather slice open my throat then to feel obligated to stay with someone just because we have kids together. Although, I would feel guilty about breaking up a home since I grew up in a 2 parent household.
Now, I see why so many people are anti-marriage....
There are a lot of reasons why people are anti-marriage - some of them well-reasoned, some of them, not so much.
A lot of people get lazy in life, take things for granted, start mailing it in. This doesn't just happen in marriage. It happens in nonmarital relationships, it happens in the workplace, it happens among friends.
It waxes and wanes. It's not like you totally lose interest in a 10+ yr relationship. Sometimes, the spark is brighter than others. It doesn't go out entirely. Sheesh. So negative.
I think people unrealistically expect 24/7 butterflies like they had when they first met. It's unrealistic to expect that level of giddy, doe-eyed romanace all the time.
The big payoff of a LTR is feeling that giddy thing out of the blue on a Thursday afternoon for the partner you've known for over 10 years.
It's infinitely better than "new romance" giddy.
I think a lot of people on the outside looking in at marriage also see newlyweds and younger couples who are more outwardly expressive in their love where the "spark" is clearly visible, and compare that to older couples who maybe are not as outwardly expressive in public, and assume that the "spark" must have died.
Couple that with some anecdotes of love going away in marriages, or some people getting bored, and it reinforces the notion that the spark dies in marriage and thus, married couples with some mileage on their marriage must not be happy and sticking together for some other reason.
It just is not true, but for people who have not been married or in a truly long term (many year) relationship with one person, they don't have a personal frame of reference to really relate to how people feel and act in those relationships.
So basically, yes, they have a level of expectation of there being giddy and doe-eyed romance all the time, when in reality, that kind of romance matures into a different one (which is no less loving, satisfying, or great).
It waxes and wanes. It's not like you totally lose interest in a 10+ yr relationship. Sometimes, the spark is brighter than others. It doesn't go out entirely. Sheesh. So negative.
I think people unrealistically expect 24/7 butterflies like they had when they first met. It's unrealistic to expect that level of giddy, doe-eyed romanace all the time.
The big payoff of a LTR is feeling that giddy thing out of the blue on a Thursday afternoon for the partner you've known for over 10 years.
It's infinitely better than "new romance" giddy.
Exactly, it's a different kind of romance where you're still hot for each other, but it's more like burning embers than a wild fire. You know each other so well, through the good, the bad, and the just plain disgusting... and somewhere along the line you develop a secret language not just of inside jokes, but where even one nearly imperceptible twitch of an eyebrow is enough to communicate a monologue to each other.
I'm with the rest of the posters in that I don't feel the least bit compelled to try to change your mind. Whatever. Get a vasectomy and be done with it.
I can't picture myself marrying again, but I'm not about to get up here and make generalizations about marriage. You're not in other people's marriages. You don't know what goes on behind closed doors, even if friends talk to you about it. Why don't you worry about your own lovelife?
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