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I don't think the new boyfriend wants to hang out with Walter any more than you do.
So cancel on one or both, but having them both down spells disaster.
Ok, this is probably closest to the truth.
I'm not turned-on by the idea of him being jealous of the new guy. I don't enjoy drama. I'm not using his visit to spark a war that will scare him away forever. I just have a problem being direct and I'm afraid of hurting people. I know this creates problems in the long run, and I'm trying to work on it, but it's still a struggle.
I suppose I wouldn't mind catching up with him over a beer or a cup of coffee, but I honestly would rather not have him stay here. But I guess it's not that big of a deal if he really needs to.
So, considering that I don't really want to hurt Walter, but probably don't want to deal with him. How then do I best cancel in a manner that will hurt him the least but is still relatively honest?
For whatever it's worth, I'm a gay man. I didn't think gender or sexual orientation matters in this situation at all, so I decided not include that information in my original post, but I'm seeing some posters making absurd claims about women in general based on my actions, which seems kind of messed up.
I'm not turned on by the idea of him being jealous of the new guy. I don't enjoy drama. I'm not using trying to spark a war that will scare him away forever. I just have a problem being direct and I'm afraid of hurting people. I know this creates problems in the long run, and I'm trying to work on it, but it's still a struggle.
I suppose I wouldn't mind catching up with him over a beer or a cup of coffee, but I honestly would rather not have him stay here. But I guess it's not that big of a deal if he really needs to.
So, considering that I don't really want to hurt Walter, but probably don't want to deal with him. How then do I best cancel in a manner that will hurt him the least but is still relatively honest?
For whatever it's worth, I'm a gay man. I didn't think gender or sexual orientation matters in this situation at all, so I decided not include that information in my original post, but I'm seeing some posters making absurd claims about women in general based on my actions, which seems kind of messed up.
Tell Walter that you're sorry, but you just realized that you'd already made plans for that weekend with your boyfriend.
Period.
Walter might be okay at a distance, but I suspect he's got some "issues."
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I'm not turned-on by the idea of him being jealous of the new guy. I don't enjoy drama. I'm not using his visit to spark a war that will scare him away forever. I just have a problem being direct and I'm afraid of hurting people. I know this creates problems in the long run, and I'm trying to work on it, but it's still a struggle.
I suppose I wouldn't mind catching up with him over a beer or a cup of coffee, but I honestly would rather not have him stay here. But I guess it's not that big of a deal if he really needs to.
So, considering that I don't really want to hurt Walter, but probably don't want to deal with him. How then do I best cancel in a manner that will hurt him the least but is still relatively honest?
For whatever it's worth, I'm a gay man. I didn't think gender or sexual orientation matters in this situation at all, so I decided not include that information in my original post, but I'm seeing some posters making absurd claims about women in general based on my actions, which seems kind of messed up.
Okaaaay, you're a man. It does make a little difference. Women have to be extra cautious when it comes to spurned suitors simply because men are usually larger, stronger, and more aggressive than we are.
That being said. Tell Walter you have a new boyfriend. He's an adult. He can get a motel room like everyone else on a business trip does.
Why are you using a female handle? Are you transgender, too?
[quote=Dawn.Davenport;41073281]Ok, this is probably closest to the truth.
I'm not turned-on by the idea of him being jealous of the new guy. I don't enjoy drama. I'm not using his visit to spark a war that will scare him away forever. I just have a problem being direct and I'm afraid of hurting people. I know this creates problems in the long run, and I'm trying to work on it, but it's still a struggle.
I suppose I wouldn't mind catching up with him over a beer or a cup of coffee, but I honestly would rather not have him stay here. But I guess it's not that big of a deal if he really needs to.
So, considering that I don't really want to hurt Walter, but probably don't want to deal with him. How then do I best cancel in a manner that will hurt him the least but is still relatively honest?
For whatever it's worth, I'm a gay man. I didn't think gender or sexual orientation matters in this situation at all, so I decided not include that information in my original post, but I'm seeing some posters making absurd claims about women in general based on my actions, which seems kind of messed up.[/QUOTE]
Of course you'd think they're absurd. Facts about some types of women--as dainty and precious as you may or may not think they are--are still facts.
Your already being mean because you cannot woman-up and deal with this situation like an adult.
Take care of your business.
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Also....this is how people wind up on those "unsolved murder" shows. Just be careful. Walter doesn't sound like he's very stable (mentally and emotionally). He seems insanely jealous. Don't toy with his feelings. Be clear with him and move on. I can't imagine why you're boyfriend would even be okay with him spending the night, either. I must be out of touch....
Ok, there's this guy I know named "Walter" who lives in Philadelphia. I think of him as a friend--well, he's probably more of a good acquaintance, really. Anyway, he became romantically interested in me last winter, but I did not feel the same way because he's too neurotic and we're not a match sexually. I fibbed and said I wasn't ready for a relationship. He accused me of lying, claiming that I wasn't interested due to a physical disability that he's insecure about. I don't really blame him; I could see how this disability could be a deal-breaker for many potential partners. Regardless, we agreed to be friends.
Back in May, I ran into Walter while visiting a platonic friend in Philly. He flipped out and sent me a lot of crazed texts. I talked with him the next day, and he said that the reason why he was upset was because I didn't tell him that I was going to be in town. I told him that I was only in Philly briefly, and he once again accused me of not being interested in him due to his disability. I apologized for not telling him of my visit, and I told him that I'd inform him of future trips to Philadelphia. I have not seen him since, but we've exchanged friendly texts a few times over the summer.
At any rate, Walter texted me about a week ago asking if he could stay we me on a Sunday later this month because he has a presentation here in Baltimore early the next morning. I agreed. Due to a mix up of dates, I'm just now realizing that I had also made plans for my new boyfriend, "Kip," to visit me that same weekend. Ideally, I'd like for the three of us to spend an enjoyable Sunday evening with each other, and I don't want to give the impression that I don't want him here while Kip is in town. However, I'd rather him stay away if he can't behave appropriately. How best do I let him know of Kip's visit?
I was thinking about texting, "Hey! Just to give you the heads-up, I'm seeing a new guy who lives in West Virginia. He'll be staying with me the same weekend you're here, and I'm excited for you to meet him."
Does anyone have any better suggestions? Also, how do I deal with the potential awkwardness of me sleeping with my new guy while Walter is on the couch?
You need to tell the poor guy the truth. Your passiveness is coming out as cruelty. Let the guy off the hook. You can't reject someone saying you're not "ready" for a relationship then say "oh, btw, my new squeeze will be in town too". You need to tell the guy you are not interested.
You are being selfish IMO because you're keeping him on the hook versus forcing him to move on to someone who may return his feelings. All because you do not want to feel uncomfortable and awkward. That doesn't sound like you're any kind of friend to him.
Okaaaay, you're a man. It does make a little difference. Women have to be extra cautious when it comes to spurned suitors simply because men are usually larger, stronger, and more aggressive than we are.
That being said. Tell Walter you have a new boyfriend. He's an adult. He can get a motel room like everyone else on a business trip does.
Why are you using a female handle? Are you transgender, too?
That's what I was wondering. "Dawn" is a female name...not at all associated with men. Hence, the confusion from other posters. Myself included.
Yes, gender DOES make a big difference in this case. Women will handle a situation like this in entirely a different manner.
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