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I have read where some sex addicts.........that's what he is........go to recovery for a month or more where they have no access to internet/porn so they can become stimulated normally when they see their SO's.
What other addictions does he have?
Really sorry you are going through this it sucks I know I have plenty of addicts in my family.
If it's a true addiction and diagnosed as such by a mental health professional (rather than just something he enjoys doing from time to time), he needs to get treatment. Yes, he can change, but only if he is determined to do so, and it won't be easy.
Total b.s. and a complete misunderstanding of the OP. I don't think she has much against porn and said she'd watched it with him. IT IS A MATTER OF DEGREE. If it is used as a substitute for a willing sexual partner you're in a "relationship" with then it is a problem....as is anything that cheats you of time or emotional intimacy with a partner.
Don't paint this as a "I'm cool with porn so I know how to keep a man" thing. You're not the only woman who's cool with it...something very different is happening in this case.
You need to reread my post in its entirety - you've pulled what I specifically stated out of context and applied inapplicable generalities to it.
Since we all see the world through the lens of our own eyes, I don't have to "paint" my writing in a particular way, I do it naturally, as do you (and I could just as easily attack your opinions as "total b.s." but that is like raising your voice in an argument, not a winning strategy).
Being emotionally attached to this thread hinders clarity. For now, recognize that you do not personally know the OP nor any of us replying to this thread. Stay detached but willing to help and perhaps the OP will receive what they need today vs what you needed in the past.
A few thoughts. 1, don't think that dumping this guy would solve the problem. My guess is at least half the men you see every day go to porn occasionally. It's a scourge our society is not talking much about yet. 2. Understand he is human, not a bad person, at this point. What you want to see right now from him is a sincere desire to quit and improve the marriage. 3. Together you should install blocking software on all devices he had access to. He can't quit on his own and will need help, yours especially. He should probably get counseling for addiction/sexuality issues. 4. As he begins to try to reestablish a sexual relationship with you, he will probably need help in form of viagra or similar medication in beginning. Welcome that don'tresistit. He will need to get reconditioned to real sex with his wife. Good news is if he stays away from porn it will improve. 5. Ignore the advice to watch it with him, this is like drinking worth an alcoholic, it will not be helpful. 6. He will have relapses especially early on. Weekday you are looking for from him is improvement and sincere desire to change. Good luck to you both.
Because the concept of marriage works against our very human nature as spoiled, base creatures.
Because "what feels good" is 99% self-centered.
You have all these naive expectations for what marriage is going to "do" for you to make you happy and make your life better, yet YOU are not willing to DO anything that makes you feel bad/uncomfortable/stressed/yucky???
You want "marriage" to magically fulfill you, but you don't want to do ANYTHING other than show up and "let the magic take over"?
Marriage is similar to being a parent. It takes self-sacrifice and denial because IN ORDER FOR IT TO SUCCEED, your needs and wants cannot always come first.
There are benefits, but you have to EARN them, and a lot of people just can't be bothered to do that.
ETA: In rereading your post, it sounds like you are asking IF you should "fight for" YOUR marriage. I am not sure you should in your case, but marriage IN GENERAL certainly has to be fought for and maintained actively. A good marriage doesn't just benefit from the two of you showing up by default every day.
OP, check out Celebrate Recovery. It has helped people that are in this situation, both the addict and the spouse.
This is an excellent suggestion. The answer is spiritual. The addiction can be broken , like any addiction can be broken. But, the solution is always a spiritual program. If he wants to stop, he can, with help , and accountability. You don't have to be the police to him, you can encourage him. A filter on the computer is a great idea, some people have even gotten rid of their computers because of this problem.
If your husband just watch porn rather than make some real move (like flirting with other woman), you should not bring up "divorce" here..You should spend more time with him rather than demand his time on you.
Ridiculous advice, way to put all the blame on her.
You should consider that his original reply of 'addicted to porn' may have been a ruse to cover for 'having an affair'. Check his phone.
If you're at the point where you are checking your partner's phone or otherwise snooping/spying on them, just go ahead and end the relationship instead. The trust is clearly gone at that point.
If you're at the point where you are checking your partner's phone or otherwise snooping/spying on them, just go ahead and end the relationship instead. The trust is clearly gone at that point.
yes, don't bother checking, spouses never lie or cheat.
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this is the answer
