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You need to be more assertive and stand up for yourself. Next time tell him "NO." Say no. I know it can be hard especially if you like the guy, but you need to say "No, I don't want to yet. I'm not comfortable." Look him in the eyes when you say it. Be stern, don't smile and don't be flirtatious. Sometimes guys don't get the hit, it's a game to them. You need to make it very clear that you don't consent. If he pressures you after that saying something like "Oh c'mon baby, please, do it for me, I'll make you comfortable blah blah blah" he's BSing you and you need to say it again. "I already told you no. I'm not comfortable with that, okay?" After that, he really should get the hint. I think he would respect you a lot more too. The guys aren't protecting you or looking out for your feelings. They do NOT have your best interested in mind. He's obviously a huge douche and he used you for sex, typical for guys. It happens, don't worry about it. It happened to me too. Hopefully now you know better. Every girl deserves a respectful guy...he's clearly not one.
The OP isn't getting it; as I posted earlier, people in an abusive situation who continue to be the victim are living in another world. We can give advice or warn her of the dangers but it's not sinking in; not until she reaches her limit. She had admitted she 'doesn't know why she's that way', and all of our words are simply bouncing off the wall.
Until she accepts reality that she has to focus on herself, instead of on him, and until she seeks counseling and actively works to gain self-respect, self-esteem, and self-confidence, she will continue on the same path she's on right now.
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Every girl deserves a respectful guy...he's clearly not one.
