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I grew a bit similar to the OP. My parents were fine with any sort of violence on the TV, I could watch any horror movie ever. They changed the channel with sex or nudity.
We didn't have the "talk." But I also developed early, and my mom was so paranoid I would get pregnant as a teen. That was her big worry, she always said "be smart, let me know if you need birth control." But there was actually no other conversations about sex. The life lessons were focused on don't get pregnant or attached to early. Live your life before you get married and have kids. Most of her sisters married off and had kids fast. Many were in abusive relationships. Most of her sisters also divorced due to having crappy husbands (some of these relationships were quite violent). My mom also had an annulment before marrying my dad I still know little about.
I wish my mom would have better prepped me for the unwanted attention that comes to teen girls who start wearing bras as preteens. I had a lot of advanced from old men from age 11-25. It has only toned down some in my 30s, or I know how to handle it better.
I pretty much ignored boys till college, there just weren't many people I was interested in, and a semi-nerdy black girl in mostly segregated white schools isn't high on the popularity list for high school boys. As I got a little older, and met people more like me (yay nerds!) I found more people were interested.
Combine the lack of info from my parents with the societal messaging that black women are jezebels and hyper sexual and the like, let's just say I heard a lot of messaging about how I needed to be pure and virginal so people would treat me well and take me seriously. I already had plenty of strikes. So yes, there were lots of factors that made it hard for me to come into my own sexuality. And yes, I still don't talk about sex with my parents!
My parents were like you and sweet, and the OP--no sex scenes, and as soon as they came on the tv came off. I never got the "birds and the bees" talk nor did my parents ever necessarily tell me not to have sex, my mom simply told me never suck d*** because it's unsanitary, and not to get pregnant and that boys will use me as a c** basket. She made me watch Oprah episodes lol!!!
However, I always hung out with fast girls, so by the time I was 11, I already knew what sex was from the older girls I hung out with and in middle all my friends and I would talk about is sex. We knew what it was, we knew it felt good, etc. In high school, same thing, me and my girlfriends even bought vibrators which my mom found and told me she was putting me on birth control, she also found an x-rated erotic story I wrote and her and my dad got mad at me. I made my barbies have sex when I was 10 lol and they would take them away.
They were constantly trying to keep me away from it.
They were also homophobes. I ended up experimenting with girls in college.
In any case, out of all my sisters I was perhaps the most rebellious and the most sexual. I didn't necessarily feel "shame" because of the way my parents acted, but I also didn't feel as confident about having sex and about enjoying it because of my parents.
To this day, however, one thing that I do, that was probably rooted in how I reared is that I don't have sex with men I do not know extremely well, and I have been with very few men. I am reserved in that I will not "put out" unless some type of relationship or arrangement that I'm comfortable with has been established and I make it clear to men early on, with no regrets. I sometimes wonder if my parents didn't make me feel strangely about sex as a kid, if I would be more liberal about it.
Still, the whole thing was more Bill's fault than Monica's. She was young, single, and not in his position of power. And the senior boy is much more at fault than a 12 year old.
She was an adult who knew exactly what she was doing.
Let's not handwave people's actions becuase the big bad man took advantage of the poor innocent young lady
Nobody is "more" at fault. You cannot be "more" at fault in these situations. You either did or did not do what you did.
My mother was liberal about sex when I was growing up, and to my benefit. She was open about sex and never painted it as something dirty.
However, I did receive some religious instruction from my father, the non-custodial parent, but it was mostly subtle since I didn't live with him. I had a decent understanding what his feelings were on the issue of sex, considering he's a fundamentalist Baptist.
I was exposed to all sorts of "adult" movies growing up, and from an early age 6 or so. I don't really remember him shielding me from nudity. Some of the R-rated movies had nudity in them, and I don't remember him covering my eyes or anything. Sex scenes/nudity was not an issue for my mom.
Since my mom is the one who raised me I adopted a pretty progressive view of sex. Never saw it as dirty or bad.
We raise our children in much the same way. My kids watch a good deal of "adult" movies, and some with sex scenes. My older two are not phased by it, and we've had the sex talk, very matter-of-fact, quite a few times. They're not phased by it, but my eldest daughter has asked "Why is he making that noise!?" lol
I was taught that sex was ugly and a sin, all throughout my childhood and it took me a long while to realize how this effected me as an adult. It was mostly during religious education that this message was repeated over and over. There are many valid reasons why women being promiscuous is damaging to themselves, those around them and society as a whole. Most importantly, women want sexual freedom but none of the responsibilities that come with it. Even in this very thread, any example given is made into the mans fault, while the woman is not held accountable for the encounter. Beware of modern feminism, it is directly at fault for damaging gender relations. It promotes sexual freedom but no accountability for women.
Not to mention - pretty much all **** shaming is done at the hands of.....other women.
Well, I think a lot of the people who speak negatively about Monica would have done the exact same thing if they were in her situation.
That may be the case for some, but that doesn't take the personal responsibility away from one or the other.
It wasn't what she was doing that got her labeled by others, it was how she was doing it.
To the original posters point, I agree.
we can take the whole bill and Monica situation as a huge exsample.
Both where at fault for what they had been doing but one went away a home wrecker and a **** and the other was just a good old boy who made a mistake, Even though the reality was was no better off than the girl.
No rego, Monica is a woman, and is a victim by default. That dirty pervert man, Bill Clinton tricked her into it.
I'm just saying that I think it's unfair that her whole life has been defined by this event, and she's likely no more of a tramp than the average woman out there. Just my opinion.
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