The truth is women are raised to be ashamed of their sexuality. Then guys complain and women feel guilty (2013, American)
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I was a pretty sheltered kid compared to others my age.
Not by my parents but by myself. When I was a little girl, I like boys but I was ALWAYS the admire from afar type because I had no confidence and was not the cutest person. When I got into my teens, things changed. I was mainly into video games, anime, and drawing so I didn't pay relationships any attention. I still had my crushes. I didn't even know what a virgin was until 9th or 10th grade.
My mom would shield my eyes or ears if a sex scene popped up when I was younger, but by the time they wanted to talk to me about sex, I already knew about it thanks to the kids at my school. I did really want a boyfriend at the time mainly because everyone else had one. Or so I believed. Nowadays I'm still the same girl. EXACT same girl except I'm older now.
I'm not particularly the boldest when it comes to a guy I am interested in but I have no trouble talking to them. It's just now, I am rarely interested in anybody, and I have a hard time expressing how I feel when the opportunity presents itself. I just don't really see a purpose in doing anything special to find someone. Being in a relationship is not a priority for me and it probably never will be.
My friends often joke about how I am such a good girl, a saint, and how they want me to get out more.
I'm not really concerned about these types of topics, but will add this: the approach that if someone isn't 'throwing it around everywhere' it must be about 'shame' is manipulation.
There are other reasons women 'choose to not' live like tramps, and/or do not raise daughters to be promiscuous.
As one example, there's a huge difference between 'shame' and 'self-respect.'
I'm not allowed to kudo you more until I spread the love... and I haven't much love to spread.
It's great to hear so many opinions. Someone made a comment earlier stating that I am only expressing a very narrow perspective which is not relevant to many women. And that is absolutely true: I am only talking about my personal experience, plus a few observations I made of other people. And that is exactly why I wanted to see what everyone else has to say. I am glad there are so many women out there who did not grow up with this baggage. One of the posters even wrote about her grandma who was totally open about sex- and that grandma is a rockstar, in my eyes
Now about shame versus self-respect. I might have not expressed myself very clearly, but my intention was not to preach women to sleep around more, with everyone and without any hold-backs. What I would like to see happen though is for women to have the mental freedom to do what they want to do. That is what I call self-respect: when you take care of yourself, when you make sure you feel good in your own skin, when you do things that are good for you without the need to excuse yourself.
I want women to be allowed to enjoy sex as much as men do (by raising a girl with the idea that sex is only to make babies and to please men, we limit her experience). I want women who enjoy sex to not be punished for pursing it with whomever they enjoy being with -- why should we shame anyone for that? And I want women who do not enjoy sex to not feel the moral obligation to put out just because they are in a relationship with someone. And I want women who lost their virginity with a guy to not tie themselves to him just because society will consider her a **** if she moves on? (Maybe that guy is an alcoholic, or abusive, or something else). Bottom line- I want women's sexual choices to be based on what is the best for THEM, not on what society approves: that is the marking for self respect and for a strong sexual identity.
I want women to be allowed to enjoy sex as much as men do (by raising a girl with the idea that sex is only to make babies and to please men, we limit her experience). I want women who enjoy sex to not be punished for pursing it with whomever they enjoy being with -- why should we shame anyone for that? And I want women who do not enjoy sex to not feel the moral obligation to put out just because they are in a relationship with someone. And I want women who lost their virginity with a guy to not tie themselves to him just because society will consider her a **** if she moves on? (Maybe that guy is an alcoholic, or abusive, or something else). Bottom line- I want women's sexual choices to be based on what is the best for THEM, not on what society approves: that is the marking for self respect and for a strong sexual identity.
I think there are two things here to address.
First, I agree -- women should enjoy sex as much as men.
I, as a man, can't help or change the way any woman I sleep with was raised, the beliefs instilled into her, etc. I can't, it's impossible because it's in the past.
But I, as a man, CAN do my best to help any woman I sleep with learn and understand (I may not succeed, but I can do my best) that sex should be FUN, and she is allowed to suggest, ask, communicate, try, explore and ultimately enjoy sex.
It's a personal thing, and I've always done my best, at least since growing up enough to be aware of such a thing but there's only so far it goes because --
... second, the bolded line, especially the word in red.
It's funny how when someone else talks about their past and how it's moulded them, we nod sympathetically but we ultimately tell them they've got to get over it, live life on their own terms. We call it a choice. When it's our own life, we're entirely cognizant of how difficult this actually is.
The day you exercise proactive introspection and become aware of your past and how it has affected you is the day it stops being Nurture and starts being Nature.
I always thought the burden in that situation was placed equally on both male and female. I have never been to a church service in the past that said men could go sleep around and it was all good but women had to be good.
Perhaps you are thinking about cults.
If Baptists are a cult.
The reason I stopped going to church. New minister and wife hell fire and brim-stoning WOMEN for all men's evils. If your husband is not in church with you, it is your fault. Women wearing shorts and swim suits causes the lust in men hearts that cause them to go astray and commit sin. Essentially every sin of the flesh men do is the fault of women for their shamelessness in showing skin, wearing makeup, having sex, etc. So yea, its out there.
I always thought the burden in that situation was placed equally on both male and female. I have never been to a church service in the past that said men could go sleep around and it was all good but women had to be good.
Perhaps you are thinking about cults.
Not even close. Promiscuity in men is almost expected, boys will be boys. Women do not put requirements on their partners to be virginal and pure as a condition of the relationship. Churches tell women to cover up instead of telling men to control themselves in the presence of temptation.
There is no equivalent negative descriptor for men like ****/*****/ho. Are you living in an alternate universe?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Originally Posted by jade408
Not even close. Promiscuity in men is almost expected, boys will be boys. Women do not put requirements on their partners to be virginal and pure as a condition of the relationship. Churches tell women to cover up instead of telling men to control themselves in the presence of temptation.
There is no equivalent negative descriptor for men like ****/*****/ho. Are you living in an alternate universe?
I've never met a man that has either.
Sure, they're are the teen trolls online, but that's not reality.
I too, went to more than my fair amount of church services and religious teaching in my day (thanks mom ) and never heard a double standard for this stuff.
Men I, outside those raised in an uber strict conservative household, are more socially open to sex. There's always a pat on the back for that "score". Men also watch porn, lots of porn at a younger age. I don't think boys or men think that all sexual experiences will be that way, but in the back of their mind, they hope its that way.
Women have a different set of social constructs. Don't sleep with a guy? A prude. Sleep with a guy? A ****. Men don't experience this. 50 shades of gray seemed to break the sexual chains for many women. I don't get why, because there are many women who've learned long ago about their sexuality. Its nothing new. It shouldn't take a best selling book to do it. Men have been waiting for lots of women to break those chains. I've been surprised by my friends who are in committed relationships that their sex life has changed since their SO read the book or saw the movie. I don't get it. I must be one of those lucky Men where my SO was never tied down sexually.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
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Originally Posted by NoleFanHSV
I think there are just so many variables.
Men I, outside those raised in an uber strict conservative household, are more socially open to sex. There's always a pat on the back for that "score". Men also watch porn, lots of porn at a younger age. I don't think boys or men think that all sexual experiences will be that way, but in the back of their mind, they hope its that way.
Women have a different set of social constructs. Don't sleep with a guy? A prude. Sleep with a guy? A ****. Men don't experience this. 50 shades of gray seemed to break the sexual chains for many women. I don't get why, because there are many women who've learned long ago about their sexuality. Its nothing new. It shouldn't take a best selling book to do it. Men have been waiting for lots of women to break those chains. I've been surprised by my friends who are in committed relationships that their sex life has changed since their SO read the book or saw the movie. I don't get it. I must be one of those lucky Men where my SO was never tied down sexually.
That's rather sad as by all accounts it was horribly written, and didn't really portray a healthy D/s relationship, but instead promoted abuse.
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) and never heard a double standard for this stuff.