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I used to have a totally different idea of what dating is like, apparently, when I was younger.
And that's what you're finding here, I believe.
There are a lot of people here who have tried and failed at dating/coupling up, and their advice should not be brushed off. If you just want someone to agree with you, another forum may be the place. But I think you're still learning.
Those who focus on timelines (1st date for this, 5th date for that) will, inevitably, be disappointed. The only thing you should focus on is the "core" of the person you are dating.
Are they a truly good person who really loves you?
Yes?
You have found your match!
This is actually pretty solid advice.
However, I don't know how to detect the "core" of a person.
I know whether I like them or not, but it's hard to gauge their interest in me. I know mostly when a guy wants to have sex, but beyond that, no idea early on.
That's why, if you look at every point I made, it ALL comes back to trying to measure how into me a person is. How long they'll wait, how much time and money they'll invest, etc.
That's why, if you look at every point I made, it ALL comes back to trying to measure how into me a person is. How long they'll wait, how much time and money they'll invest, etc.
Just stop with the money. It is NOT a good indicator of how much someone loves you.
All this talk about "investing" and you'll end up like this guy:
The problem is that you are not yet a good judge of character. THAT is what you should focus on.
I haven't been in that thread, but he does kinda have a point...everyone should have something to offer one another. But he comes off as a jerk about it. Maybe I do, too, I don't know.
How does one become a good judge of character? Besides experience (which basically means screwing up a lot and learning from it, or watching others screw up)
I haven't been in that thread, but he does kinda have a point...everyone should have something to offer one another. But he comes off as a jerk about it. Maybe I do, too, I don't know.
How does one become a good judge of character? Besides experience (which basically means screwing up a lot and learning from it, or watching others screw up)
Experience is always the best teacher.
You have to be around a variety of people in a variety of situations. You have to reserve judgment about them and spend time with them as THEY interact with the world around them.
Social media is not a good indicator of character because that reflects a persona crafted by that person.
You also have to be good at accepting the truth about someone when it is staring you in the face.
However, I don't know how to detect the "core" of a person.
Yes, you are correct, this is sometimes hard to gauge.
1) How does he treat others? Is he always nice and polite to waiters, salesmen, service personnel? Does he treat them like someone beneath him, or generally and genuinely thank them for the services they are providing? It is usually very telling of a person's character as to how they treat others.
2) How do your family and friends think about this person? If you trust and love your family and friends, then you should trust their judgement about who you are dating. Believe me, the whole "you just don't understand him" line is complete BS.
These two things will help to determine whether is is a good person. From there, you need to determine what other factors are important to you. As you are still young (and this discussion is about sex), you are probably ranking looks and sex-appeal highest on your list. For long lasting love, these things shouldn't be foremost.
I clearly have lots of experience and still don't know that one little crucial part...or maybe I do, I just have yet to unbury the information?
But really, the only other thing is that the few guys who I've had real long term relationships with did compliment me a lot (genuine compliments, not the false compliments of a smooth guy just trying to get in your pants...I at least know that difference) and they seemed to think excessively highly of me. They also seemed to want to take care of me way early on, like making plans for me to move in or go on trips within a few dates. But in all honesty that's not very many people.
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