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Rakin - she does make more money than me, it might work for you for 2:1 with your gf but she makes more than me so I am not sure how that will be fair for us.
Timberline742 - I actually meant to pay for us both! (share the bill) but I told the waitress "Separate" while pointing to us meaning I wanted us to be separate from others. By gf said I should of said "together" not "separate" so my intension was there to pay for her coffee.
If she makes more than you then she should be paying the 60%.
If that was your intent on the coffee and you explained that to her, then, yes, she made a big deal over nothing.
Many guys always pay for their girls or most of the time. You are lucky that you get away so cheap.
Get over yourself and pay a little more often!!
I don't think your gf is generally the kind of person who is fixated on the money and paying. I think she has become fixated because you made it a point to NEVER pay for her stuff. And she got fed up with it and started paying attention to it and bringing it up.
I think splitting is a lot more common in this day and age, now that women have incomes of their own--often as significant or more so than their man.
I know several couples that split. Now that I think about it, I can't think of a couple that I've spent time with that the guy just pays for the girl old-school style (said couples are in upper 20s-mid 30s). It'd make the guy struggle to get by while the girl would be doing well and saving a ton, doesn't make sense for the guy at all. I'd rather be single than pay for a girl's food entirely without her paying 3/4 of our rent or something... or filling up my gas tank everytime we go anywhere.
If two people in a couple have similar incomes, they should split or alternate so it comes close to evening out.
I haven't read all responses, but the fact that both of you are keeping score is not good. Life and love don't balance out neatly like you want them to. So what if she doesn't cook the same amount of times you pay for dinner. And she's threatening to stop cooking? Really? Sounds like it's time to grow up. When you love someone, you want to do nice things for them without expectations for reciprocation.
Don, thanks for your response!
At my age (32) I feel like it's normal to split the bill. I just love her and spend time with her. I don't know why that isn't enough.
I understand there is a notion that we men have to show gestures, but how much if it is someone taking advantage of you vs kind gesture?
Are all women out there like her? I always broke up with people during a sign of trouble (especially if they act like they expected me to pay everything) so she has been fine with that aspect. But now I feel like money is becoming a strained conversation for both of us,
Just read the post about how this was actually the GF talking. Gah. But it doesn't really change my answer -- although we don't really have any insight into what the BF is actually feeling on any of these issues, except what she attributes to him. Here's my original response, FWIW:
You are the one that is making it all about the money. And yes, a code word for "careful with my money" is also "cheap", if you think it was unreasonable to pay for a darn coffee!
You say that you've upped your game to include nice "dinner dates" 3 or 4 times a year. Hmm. OK. Not wowing me, but if that works for the two of you, have at it. Your "game" seems pretty weak, to me.
This goes far beyond "gestures." It's a frame of mind. She's cooking dinner at her home -- are you taking that for granted? How often do you cook for her? You think it's enough to just "love her and spend time with her." Spend time on her couch, eating her food and watching her TV, before jumping in her bed? Still not "wowed". Are you that scintillating a conversationalist and lover?
Here's the thing. This is your courtship phase -- this is the best it will be, the time when you are both on your best behavior. Arguing over a coffee, to the point where you are thinking of breaking off the relationship, isn't a good portent of things to come, frankly. It shows that you don't think she's worth $2 for a cup of coffee. If coffee is such a stupid struggle, what are you going to be like over larger life transactions -- a home? Car? Vacations? That's where my thoughts would start wandering, as a woman. And they would not be wandering in your favor.
I worked with a woman who was married to a man who was so friggin' cheap that, even married 25 years, he still expected her to pay for HER dinner when they ate out. One day, when several couples went out to dinner after work one night, she accidently left her wallet at home. He grudgingly paid for her dinner, but made it clear (repeatedly) that he expected to be repaid as soon as they got home, and was annoyed for the rest of the evening, even to the point of suggesting that she order the cheapest thing on the menu. We were all floored. I can see you in this role 20 years from now. And I can tell you right now, if I had ever been snookered into marrying someone like that, I would have been a divorcee' inside of two years.
I get that a man shouldn't have to pay always, but you couldn't even cover a cup of coffee? She was probably embarrassed ( for you) asking her to pay for her own coffee in front of your mutual friends. Sorry... That was a DB move.
That's not being careful with your money.... that's being a skin flint.
Man OR woman, your partner is right on all accounts.
1) Established adults don't "forget" cash. They always have enough with them for an emergency, even if it's just a $20 bill tucked inside a side pocket in the wallet and forgotten just in case they need a cab.
How old are you? I find that most people I know under 35-ish rarely carry cash. Need a cab? Take uber. Almost everywhere takes card. Almost all places allow you to split the bill a million ways. Some places even have apps so you can pay.
It is really generational with some cultural differences.
No most women not like her. The normal thing isn't for women to be coughing up money for their half of the date. Maybe she run a tab and charge you each time you are inclined to be frisky. Dutch treat are for those who are just kind of dating and not in a serious relationship.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jade408
How old are you? I find that most people I know under 35-ish rarely carry cash. Need a cab? Take uber. Almost everywhere takes card. Almost all places allow you to split the bill a million ways. Some places even have apps so you can pay.
It is really generational with some cultural differences.
I'm in my mid 40s and I and most of my friends rarely carry cash as well. I don't think I've had any in my wallet for a week.
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