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The business of raising a child is a tough one and while some of the posters here spout off some mean spirited things, there's a small measure of truths to them, but the vitriol and nastiness behind them is what I find troubling. The OP should just focus on all the potential support she seems like she's gonna have and just focus on the child for a few yrs, put dating men on the backburner for a bit. A couple of yrs will fly by and she should just focus on bonding with the baby for a bit.
My humble opinion.
I agree.
Op, I'm a single mom and honestly it is very difficult. Don't let anyone tell you differently. It will probably be one of the hardest things you ever do. The father may stick around to be in the child's life, or he may not. Don't make the decision based on what you think or hope he will do. Those people giving you nasty responses don't even warrant a response from you. Not because what they said is incorrect-they are right about some of the pitfalls in single parenting but really because anyone being that nasty toward you when your in a vulnerable position is probably someone coming from a negative place anyway and most likely that venom and nastiness is there because of the pitfalls or shortcomings they have that are occurring in their own lives and make it so they can't be kinder in how they talk to you. Why else would one be so mean spirited and nasty toward a stranger?
Ignore them and their simplistic advice to do something that you've made clear you cannot do. Instead focus on a plan-are you prepared as much as you can be financially? Do you have a good support system? Are you really prepared to rear a child? Are you going to be okay if the father never comes around?
You say you feel bad now but this ain't nothing close to how you will feel once you have the baby and really are dealing with the reality of being a single parent and how others treat you and how it will impact your kid. You have to be strong and keep your head up and your going to have to let s*** slide right off your back and have some tougher skin--nasty opinions, people that want to see you fail, people that don't think your s*** because your a single mom are going to break you unless you learn to be nfg(no F*** given). Focus on you, your kid, and bettering your situation and f*** everyone else unless they're on your team too. That's how you have to be.
I think you will be okay if you develop the right mindset. Good luck sweetie! I have many friends some of which are single moms and all of us are stable, some are remarried to great men, others in relationships, most still have their careers, or they've developed better careers, and though it isn't perfect none are Miserable. I have never had a problem with dating either, or with accomplishing my goals. Let these haters be your motivators!
Last edited by Faith2187; 11-01-2015 at 04:53 PM..
You are 27, you have a job, a supportive family, and you WANT this baby. You will be fine. I don't know why so many posters are against you and telling you to give up your baby. A baby need a stable home with a loving parent and since you will provide both, don't pay attention to them. As far as the father goes, yes, he will have rights. Your baby's rights will be to receive child support, so you can help to take care of his future. Hold your head up, and be ready to love your son. You can teach him how to treat women well, because he will see what a strong, loving mother you are despite the way his father treated you.
Also, one day when your son is older and you are ready I believe there will be a man in your life who will love both of you. However, for now you need to not worry about men and concentrate on you and your coming child. Hugs.
Op, I'm a single mom and honestly it is very difficult. Don't let anyone tell you differently. It will probably be one of the hardest things you ever do. The father may stick around to be in the child's life, or he may not. Don't make the decision based on what you think or hope he will do.
You say you feel bad now but this ain't nothing close to how you will feel once you have the baby and really are dealing with the reality of being a single parent and how others treat you and how it will impact your kid. You have to be strong and keep your head up and your going to have to let s*** slide right off your back and have some tougher skin--nasty opinions, people that want to see you fail, people that don't think your s*** because your a single mom are going to break you unless you learn to be nfg(no F*** given). Focus on you, your kid, and bettering your situation and f*** everyone else unless they're on your team too. That's how you have to be.
I think you will be okay if you develop the right mindset. Good luck sweetie! I have many friends some of which are single moms and all of us are stable, some are remarried to great men, others in relationships, most still have their careers, or they've developed better careers, and though it isn't perfect none are Miserable. I have never had a problem with dating either, or with accomplishing my goals. Let these haters be your motivators!
She just needs to rake the guy for child support and not be in a relationship with him, and definitely never marry him. The guy is a classic scumbag that for some reason women always go out with. I'm sure the op had tons of guys interested in her, yet she chose him. If they get married it's guaranteed he will cheat.
Some of the tough comments are warranted because women need to learn learn learn and boy do they ever, the hard way.
Op, I'm a single mom and honestly it is very difficult. Don't let anyone tell you differently. It will probably be one of the hardest things you ever do. The father may stick around to be in the child's life, or he may not. Don't make the decision based on what you think or hope he will do. Those people giving you nasty responses don't even warrant a response from you. Not because what they said is incorrect-they are right about some of the pitfalls in single parenting but really because anyone being that nasty toward you when your in a vulnerable position is probably someone coming from a negative place anyway and most likely that venom and nastiness is there because of the pitfalls or shortcomings they have that are occurring in their own lives and make it so they can't be kinder in how they talk to you. Why else would one be so mean spirited and nasty toward a stranger?
Ignore them and their simplistic advice to do something that you've made clear you cannot do. Instead focus on a plan-are you prepared as much as you can be financially? Do you have a good support system? Are you really prepared to rear a child? Are you going to be okay if the father never comes around?
You say you feel bad now but this ain't nothing close to how you will feel once you have the baby and really are dealing with the reality of being a single parent and how others treat you and how it will impact your kid. You have to be strong and keep your head up and your going to have to let s*** slide right off your back and have some tougher skin--nasty opinions, people that want to see you fail, people that don't think your s*** because your a single mom are going to break you unless you learn to be nfg(no F*** given). Focus on you, your kid, and bettering your situation and f*** everyone else unless they're on your team too. That's how you have to be.
I think you will be okay if you develop the right mindset. Good luck sweetie! I have many friends some of which are single moms and all of us are stable, some are remarried to great men, others in relationships, most still have their careers, or they've developed better careers, and though it isn't perfect none are Miserable. I have never had a problem with dating either, or with accomplishing my goals. Let these haters be your motivators!
See, all this back slapping, mumbo jumbo is part of the reason this problem is running rampant. This 'just go ahead and do what YOU want' attitude. This whole 'don't worry there are tons of single parents doing just fine' attitude. It's one thing to have had a great situation and that went bad down the road after kids were already here. It's another to already have that bad situation and then bring a child into it. It is hard enough to care for, raise, and support a kid when you have everything in order, such as a husband who cares, good jobs, stable home environment, financially set, etc. Lets look at the first bolded comment up above. The whole 'focusing on a plan' thing. Yes, you should 'focus on a plan'.
HOWEVER...isn't that something you should do BEFORE you get pregnant. Asking yourself if you are prepared to raise a child when you are already knocked up is like closing the barn door after the horse has escaped. Some of you back slappers may think im being mean. But this isn't just about the OP. That child, who didn't ask to be born, will now have to deal with the fact that he is going to be born to a mother who did not plan for him, who is not married (and may be not even prepared other ways..mentally..living situation..financially..etc)and whose sperm donor was a cheating loser who probably never cared too much about the mother, and now is not even in her life. This child was an 'oops'. Or WAS he?? Hmm... Let's see. So, OP is dating man who comes from a bit of money, is handsome, and seems to be drifting away from her, and cheating on her left and right. Hmm....a baby might make him shape up. I wonder if that was the OP goal.
Then that would make this child a pawn in her plan to keep this guy around. Gee..how many women have done that? So, that would make it even worse. Anyway, I will just go with the theory that this pregnancy was an 'oops' for now. Some of you may get mad at the comments I make. But im sorry, I feel people should have to hear the cold hard truth. People are having kids like it's nothing. It's one thing to have been married to a person that wanted kids as much as you did, then divorce happened and now you are single. Things happen that you cant control. But you CAN control WHEN you bring a child into this world. But, nowadays people don't even care about that. Why get pregnant when your situation is not great when you know it can be hard even WHEN your situation is good?? Its like people don't care.
You know what? Get mad at me all you want. But its selfishness. People just decide..I want a kid, so im gonna have one! It's all about them. They think NOTHING of the situation they are bringing the child into. Speaking of that, lets look above at the other bolded comment of this other poster above: 'How will it impact your child'. Yea, well see, forgive me, but I think stuff like this should already have been thought about by the adults involved so they don't bring a child into something less than ideal. Why didn't the OP and her sperm donor use protection??? WHY? There is no excuse for this nowadays. NONE. Raising a kid is not as simple as going to the pound and adopting a puppy. A kid is not meant to make you feel good about yourself..or save a relationship..or because you were too d-amn careless to use birth control. A child should come into this world into a situation where he is wanted by BOTH parents, in a loving, stable home. But this is becoming less and less of a priority. Everything from 14 year olds to 40 year olds are just popping out kids or fathering them left and right like its nothing. I'm done with this topic here. I cant read anymore of this junk.
But..this baby was her chance to make this guy commit to her, and love her, and stop fooling around on her. This baby was her meal ticket to a guy who had money, and was handsome, etc.
How can she give that away?? You never know. The guy may change his mind and his behavior and marry her and this plan of hers will have worked just fine.
Nothing aggravates me more about the female gender than this wacked out belief that the birth of an unplanned child will turn a poor quality relationship into a good one. Where did this belief come from? Disney? Cosmopolitan? Oprah Winfrey? MSNBC? Where?
Nothing aggravates me more about the female gender than this wacked out belief that the birth of an unplanned child will turn a poor quality relationship into a good one. Where did this belief come from? Disney? Cosmopolitan? Oprah Winfrey? MSNBC? Where?
It must be all those Disney movies that feature unplanned premarital pregnancies and male entrapment, yes.
There are few real accidents in life. You got what you wanted, so ENJOY.
You are more forgiving than I am. With the availability of multiple forms of birth control, especially for women, there are only three types of pregnancies and none qualify as real accidents.
Intentional
From Carelessness
From Laziness
Hormonal birth control if administered correctly has a miniscule failure rate and it can be administered multiple ways now: shot, patch, pill.
She just needs to rake the guy for child support and not be in a relationship with him, and definitely never marry him. The guy is a classic scumbag that for some reason women always go out with. I'm sure the op had tons of guys interested in her, yet she chose him. If they get married it's guaranteed he will cheat.
Some of the tough comments are warranted because women need to learn learn learn and boy do they ever, the hard way.
Yep, get child support, and make sure you hold him accountable. That's one thing some single moms chose not to do that makes little sense to me. Getting child support will help immensely in securing the future of your child and in making the donor accountable for what he contributed to creating.
You are more forgiving than I am. With the availability of multiple forms of birth control, especially for women, there are only three types of pregnancies and none qualify as real accidents.
Intentional
From Carelessness
From Laziness
Hormonal birth control if administered correctly has a miniscule failure rate and it can be administered multiple ways now: shot, patch, pill.
That's correct. A woman that gets pregnant and says she didn't mean to isn't being completely honest. Always look at the outcome. Someone that really didn't want to have a baby wouldn't be. That's keeping it real lol!
She's pregnant and whether it's acknowledged or not it wasn't unintentional.
That being said your forgiveness isn't needed for the op or any woman that is not your own that gets pregnant. You can judge or project your beliefs about parenting and the stupidity of women onto that person if it makes you feel better but at the end of the day unless you deal directly with the op your beliefs are your beliefs, clearly not her own and her decision has very little to do with you in any shape or form. So why she should seek your forgiveness or blessing for something that has nothing to do with you is beyond me.
Shaming her for being pregnant in this situation may seem like it will help her but if the op has some sense in her(and I'm hoping she does for the sake of her child) nothing a stranger on a forum says about her should have even the tiniest impact on her life at all.
Really I'm sure that even without online shaming she's about to learn some awful hard truths about life.
And then at that point hopefully she'll learn like a lot of women do that end up in similar situations how to make wiser decisions in the future.
Last edited by Faith2187; 11-01-2015 at 07:23 PM..
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