I feel stuck in my marriage (spouses, therapist, friendship, pictures)
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For the love of God, please don't say anything to his wife..... let him deal with that, I'm actually sort of begging you here to keep your mouth shut and let him deal with that side of things.....
Omg, I would never even consider it. I was responding to the poster who insinuated I should. I just said that was an awful thing to think about. I'm not vindictive and I don't see any purpose in doing so. You don't need to beg me to do anything
I just told you I did all I could I my end. Are you suggesting I rip apart his family just so I can suffer more consequences? What kind of self serving bs is that? That isn't my place nor my inclination to inform his wife. That's just awful to even think about.
If you put yourself in his wifes shoes, would you want to know? Its a standard part of the deal. But there has to be willingness to really address the affair, not look for excuses. Seek out a professional who helps couples getting over infidelity, and they will repeat my words. Go to TAM coping with infidelity forums, you will get same advice.
Omg, I would never even consider it. I was responding to the poster who insinuated I should. I just said that was an awful thing to think about. I'm not vindictive and I don't see any purpose in doing so. You don't need to beg me to do anything
She is going to find out anyway. Truth has a way of eventually revealing itself.
She is going to find out anyway. Truth has a way of eventually revealing itself.
It was one month of phone calls and texts. Not much for to find out. And no, she is better off not knowing and the husband is the one who cut it off so he seems to learned his lesson.
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She is going to find out anyway. Truth has a way of eventually revealing itself.
You're nuts. I am emphatically not ever going to be the one to tell her. It's not about whether I think she deserves to know or not, it's about being none of my business what the other guy chooses to disclose. I'm frankly disgusted you think it's ever OK to do that.
If you put yourself in his wifes shoes, would you want to know? Its a standard part of the deal. But there has to be willingness to really address the affair, not look for excuses. Seek out a professional who helps couples getting over infidelity, and they will repeat my words. Go to TAM coping with infidelity forums, you will get same advice.
Now, I've never had an affair nor have I ever been in marriage counseling but I find it hard to believe that the advisable thing to do is for the OP to inform the wife that her husband had an emotional affair with the OP. I would think that that would be a very dangerous and futile thing to do.
If you put yourself in his wifes shoes, would you want to know? Its a standard part of the deal. But there has to be willingness to really address the affair, not look for excuses. Seek out a professional who helps couples getting over infidelity, and they will repeat my words. Go to TAM coping with infidelity forums, you will get same advice.
I doubt they'd advise me, as the other woman, has anything to gain by disclosing the affair to the wife. The only motivation for that would be revenge or a desire to hurt the other man, both of which I do not want to do. That's just messed up.
There are consequences for infidelity that you cannot dodge with justifications. If you dont face them and do the heavy lifting, i guarantee you will find yourself involved with another man.
OP--You really don't understand that the heavy lifting referenced here was not about the other man or his wife do you? The heavy lifting is about what YOU need to do to improve yourself and your marriage.
I'm sorry, but I really don't see your marriage lasting in the long run. It's not because you had an affair. It is because you show no remorse, continue to make excuses, demean your husband with your words, and are pretty demanding with your husband despite the fact that he has had ONE SINGLE MONTH to process this. And let's not forget that during that month you continued contact with the other man and are now angry/hurt HE has cut all contact. It takes months, if not years, for a spouse to recover from an affair whether physical or emotional. Frankly, you continue to be pretty self-centered.
It should be her husband letting OMs wife know, but it seems that he wants to rug sweep this affair as well. You cant pretend this didnt happen.
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