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I've actually been trying to figure out how to explain this, which is why I haven't answered up until now. I guess it all folds into me not wanting to know about his past at all, except in general details--"have you ever done this or that," that kind of thing.
Knowing that he was with an escort--someone who has sex PROFESSIONALLY--would kind of haunt me. Am I ever going to be good enough for him? Will he always compare me to her? Keep in mind that when I think of the term "escort," I'm picturing Billie Piper in Secret Diary of a Call Girl, not some meth addict hanging on the street corner.
Like I said, my feelings about the subject are very complex and not entirely logical. I don't look down on sex workers; I just think I would have a problem dating someone who went to one.
Thank you for answering.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares
I take issue with playing the victim because one is not attractive to a lot of the opposite sex. It is not a man issue, women are in the same boat. I don't understand why the need to blame anyone because you cant get laid by who you want when you want. If a persons needs or wants the services of a sex worker because thy cant find a person to their liking that wants to have sex with them, by all means go for it but dont whine about being looked down on or shamed for it. There are many behaviors and circumstances that society shames people for. Your not special.
But they ARE victims. Victims of society. It's not necessarily whining, but acknowledging that it's silly for people to look down on such people considering their predicament. But then again, I think a lot of prevalent mindsets are silly. Why would a man (or woman) not respect someone who has sex with them on a first date when they were having sex too! That kind of stuff.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76
He's free to lie if he wants to. But blaming the people that he lies to for his lying is ridiculous.
It depends on the situation. As "liberal" as society may be becoming, there may still be certain circles where a homosexual may not want or need to admit to being one. If a man is at a Biker rally and some Hell's Angels looking men be like "I don't know about these gays. You're not one of them, are you?" A gay man may as well say "no." Not that I agree with that lifestyle, but I digress.
It depends on the situation. As "liberal" as society may be becoming, there may still be certain circles where a homosexual may not want or need to admit to being one. If a man is at a Biker rally and some Hell's Angels looking men be like "I don't know about these gays. You're not one of them, are you?" A gay man may as well say "no." Not that I agree with that lifestyle, but I digress.
I am talking about lying to your partner. Your example is not about lying to your partner. A gay man pretending to be straight and lying about it to his female partner would be an example of lying to your partner. A gay man lying to a bunch of homophobes that could kill him is in no way similar to lying about having sex with prostitutes to a woman that you are dating.
I am talking about lying to your partner. Your example is not about lying to your partner. A gay man pretending to be straight and lying about it to his female partner would be an example of lying to your partner. A gay man lying to a bunch of homophobes that could kill him is in no way similar to lying about having sex with prostitutes to a woman that you are dating.
The point still remains and it's NOT relevant! Who cares what someone has did in the past if they have changed and that past won't come to haunt them in some way? Again, I don't like the idea of having to lie to begin with and I do think that some information absolutely must be disclosed to a person, even before dating (like if a person is a transsexual, for example). But whether or not they have been with escorts? Naw.
Knowing that he was with an escort--someone who has sex PROFESSIONALLY--would kind of haunt me. Am I ever going to be good enough for him? Will he always compare me to her? Keep in mind that when I think of the term "escort," I'm picturing Billie Piper in Secret Diary of a Call Girl, not some meth addict hanging on the street corner.
Like I said, my feelings about the subject are very complex and not entirely logical. I don't look down on sex workers; I just think I would have a problem dating someone who went to one.
Not entirely illogical I would say... absolutely normal. It means you want to be the best you can be for your husband/partner. That's absolutely nothing to be ashamed or concerned. I love food... my wife hates to cook... yes... when she cooks for our family, she did feel a bit anxious because I cooked a lot together with my exGF. It was something we enjoyed together.
Prostitutes offer a fantasy.. no more no less. Excluding any other issues (sex addiction or porn addiction) They will never fulfill certain needs. From a physical sex standpoint, the only thing a prostitute did was put in the effort to "hone and refine" their "skills" in bed. Higher end escorts took it to another level and refined the "acting" the "ambiance"... the quality of time spent.
There is nothing they do that a wife could not do. In fact, I would encourage couples to try new things.. spice things up a bit. The sex will always be better because there is a whole emotional aspect to having sex with a partner you love.... A prostitute will never ever improve the sex at the emotional level... she cannot compete.
A large number of clients are married men. Most of the time they are not looking for anything extraordinary. Sometimes it isn't even sex they want. (One simply wanted stockings and feet worship w/ HJ ending. Now how hard would that be for a wife?.. he probably was too ashamed to ask. He was a big tipper too) Why do they visit prostitutes? Often the answer is along the lines that their spouse "stopped"' trying. Now we will never know the true story behind it.... but I figure there is some superficial truth to some of them. Communication failure?
I am actually a fan of "Secret Diary of a Call Girl". I watched it with my wife.. oddly enough she enjoyed it rather than make her uncomfortable. It is full of drama for entertainment.. yes... but at times there touched on things that really hit it. Like sometimes the prostitution is a part-time therapist like job... men just want someone to listen.... someone to pamper and focus on them. There was an episode in which the call-girl (can't remember the name) employed her best friend (male) to do a swap with a couple.... in the end... the couple only has sex with each other and they were completely satisfied. I could see that happening in real life.
I guess what I'm trying to say... a wife has so much more potential with their mate than a prostitute can ever achieve. The couple just has to make "us" the priority in life. A mistake I know all too well.....
The point still remains and it's NOT relevant! Who cares what someone has did in the past if they have changed and that past won't come to haunt them in some way? Again, I don't like the idea of having to lie to begin with and I do think that some information absolutely must be disclosed to a person, even before dating (like if a person is a transsexual, for example). But whether or not they have been with escorts? Naw.
You can only speak for yourself and your own preferences. You cannot control how other people feel. There are women on here that agree with you and think that as long as it's in the past - it doesn't matter. Others feel differently and they are free to feel differently. Let me ask you this - would you date someone that you met through OLD or a party or something if you found out that she used to be a hooker? Would you be okay if she lied to you about it?
Like I've said before, I would not date someone that had been to escorts/hookers. Our views on sex would not be compatible. I also wouldn't date someone that lied to me. I am free to feel this way. You would also be free to reject me on the grounds that you find me too judgmental. These things go both ways. You can only determine what is relevant to you. You cannot determine what is relevant to someone else.
You can only speak for yourself and your own preferences. You cannot control how other people feel. There are women on here that agree with you and think that as long as it's in the past - it doesn't matter. Others feel differently and they are free to feel differently. Let me ask you this - would you date someone that you met through OLD or a party or something if you found out that she used to be a hooker? Would you be okay if she lied to you about it?
Like I've said before, I would not date someone that had been to escorts/hookers. Our views on sex would not be compatible. I also wouldn't date someone that lied to me. I am free to feel this way. You would also be free to reject me on the grounds that you find me too judgmental. These things go both ways. You can only determine what is relevant to you. You cannot determine what is relevant to someone else.
The only thing about that is that you obviously wouldn't be able to tell if he's lying. He may very well have gone to escorts/prostitutes in the past, and he could easily just lie to you about it for fear of what you're saying.
It's why I wouldn't care if a woman I was dating was a hooker in her past life. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter as long as she'd be faithful towards me. People can easily lie about that stuff.
You can only speak for yourself and your own preferences. You cannot control how other people feel. There are women on here that agree with you and think that as long as it's in the past - it doesn't matter. Others feel differently and they are free to feel differently. Let me ask you this - would you date someone that you met through OLD or a party or something if you found out that she used to be a hooker? Would you be okay if she lied to you about it?
Like I've said before, I would not date someone that had been to escorts/hookers. Our views on sex would not be compatible. I also wouldn't date someone that lied to me. I am free to feel this way. You would also be free to reject me on the grounds that you find me too judgmental. These things go both ways. You can only determine what is relevant to you. You cannot determine what is relevant to someone else.
Actually, I probably would be willing to date a woman who had such a past though, admittedly, we would need to have a talk about it perhaps so I can see where her mind is at in the present.
As for the rest, fair enough. In fact, I suppose society could be better if everyone was honest about everything and could therefore find those who liked or, at least, accept them for who they actually are, not the politically-correct or culturally-influenced facade that people got to put on to survive, you feel me?
The only thing about that is that you obviously wouldn't be able to tell if he's lying. He may very well have gone to escorts/prostitutes in the past, and he could easily just lie to you about it for fear of what you're saying.
It's why I wouldn't care if a woman I was dating was a hooker in her past life. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter as long as she'd be faithful towards me. People can easily lie about that stuff.
I don't know. I'm pretty sure that the guys that I had long relationships with were not liars. And I would bet my life on my husband not being a liar.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frank Lucas
Actually, I probably would be willing to date a woman who had such a past though, admittedly, we would need to have a talk about it perhaps so I can see where her mind is at in the present.
As for the rest, fair enough. In fact, I suppose society could be better if everyone was honest about everything and could therefore find those who liked or, at least, accept them for who they actually are, not the politically-correct or culturally-influenced facade that people got to put on to survive, you feel me?
The only way to have a truly healthy relationship is to be honest about yourself. My husband and I know about each other's flaws and we love each other because of/despite them.
Would you really want to have a relationship with someone that you had to lie to them in order to be with them? I have a huge guilt complex and I don't think I would ever be comfortable knowing that I had lied to them.
I'm for legalizing prostitution, but admit that I would probably not date a guy who frequented prostitutes.
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I'm for legalizing prostitution, but admit that I would probably not date a guy who frequented prostitutes.
Which is why it's probably not wise for a man to be honest about it, even if asked. Such things might be relationship suicide.
I suspect that more men frequent or have frequented escorts than they are willing to let on. There are a lot of escort ads out there, trust me. I do not see why so many would be out there if a significant enough of the population wasn't buying. Just saying.
P.S.
Dealing with escorts may not always be about sex, even if that appears to be the main reason for many or even most clientele.
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