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Brother, I once went through the same exact thing. In the beginning, I was flattered that she was so in to me. That was in my early 20's. Today, it would be a major red flag. Get out. I wasted several years and a lot of stress.
I dont blame you for handling it the way you are. Cuts her right off. After 6 months with you, if she's still acting like this, she will always act like this. Just agreeing with her diffuses her. No argument, yes dear, you're right. Whatever you say.
There will come a time she will have to grow up and stop acting like that. With you not giving her what she wants, ie reassurance that she is the perfect girl, that you will never look at anyone else, blah blah blah, then she will stop looking for that reinforcement. Because the last thing she wants to hear is her say..oh you are looking at that beautiful girl on TV...and you saying .....yep, who wouldnt!
So maybe she does have abandonment issues? Was her father a stable figure in her life? Did he not have a relationship with her? I'm going to guess no. Based upon that do you really blame her for not trusting men entirely? She will become more trustworthy over time. But your role to getting her there is A. loving her like she should be loved with respect to her insecurities and B. addressing her concerns- perhaps something like, "what makes you think I would do something like that?"
We all have our issues and when committing to a relationship of any kid, we decide it's either worth it or not.
He's already done that plenty of times, one or two hours at a time, according to the OP, for six months now, and she persists.
That puts it in the "emotional disorder" category for me.
It doesn't have to be this hard.
He isn't a trained professional who can get her to look at her behavior from a different light. He likely talked on a loop with her, replaying some trauma from both of their lives.
Nope...wrong. Abuse issue don't just go away if someone in "on board".
Not so. I agree this is emotionally abusive. But people can be abusive, be shown what they are doing and why and quickly change. We aren't talking about her beating the crap out of him. She likely doesn't see her behavior yet.
I stand by it, if the OP loves her and she is willing to accept she has a problem, then there is a chance (not promising) that things can get much better, and quickly. She might need more work on other issues like trust and self esteem. But...it's up to the OP and his gf to decide if changing is worth it.
Oh my. OP, what is wrong with you? Do you need an anvil to drop on your head?
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