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In OLD, the "average" woman (in terms of looks) can obtain casual sex from ugly, average, attractive and super hot men. Because it's easy to obtain, women place little value on random hook-ups. If a woman wants a random hook-up, she's can focus her attention on the charming airhead with rippling abs and a great smile. Obviously men tend to value random hook-ups more because the effort needed to obtain casual sex is high except for Mr. Rippling Abs.
A young 20-something has short-term relationships with hot guys that inevitably peter out. She's never had a problem attracting hot men but now wants something more serious. She's a "10" so to speak in terms of personality, achievements etc. However her looks are merely "average." So she's wondering why she can't find a 'normal, cute and nice' guy to settle down with. The hotties that she's had flings with are not average, but in her mind Mr. Abs is normal. She just wishes he was faithful and had the long-term attributes that make for a successful relationship.
The men she considers average in looks are actually well above average. These well above average men (most not all) are not interested in settling down. The men who are a better match for her can't get her attention unless they have otherworldly levels of charisma.
I know there are lots of exceptions but my experience teaches me that women tend to be attracted to a narrower subset of men.
Men have a hard time finding a woman. Women have a hard time finding the RIGHT man.
For some women, sure. There's a range of men I found attractive, but attraction was just part of the equation. It didn't account for all or most of it. There needed to be many other qualities and characteristics, along with chemistry, to sustain my interest. I was very selective, but not in the way most men like to claim or argue (looks and wealth/status).
I've been fortunate (knock on wood) - maybe it's my location, or my appearance, or just luck. But some tips:
1) be yourself, women can spot a b.s. artist.
2) choose some semi-artistic pictures of yourself to stand out. Something unique. DON'T post any pics that have sexual overtones, like muscle pics or half-naked torso pics, etc.
3) instead of just answering the multiple choice questions, type out an explanation why you answered that way. (I've received a lot of messages because of this; most guys don't put in the effort).
4) If you're into traveling or doing any other fun activities, emphasize that a ton on your profile. Most women I've dated have been in boring dud relationships in the past and are now looking to enjoy life with someone more their speed.
5) talk about your job, and make sure you mention that you're good at it, but not a workaholic. It's amazing how many women I've met through OLD who had to support a deadbeat, or get neglected by a workaholic.
6) if you message anyone, be very specific about their profile. Ask them questions about it. Make them want to respond to you and not just put you in the category of "another generic message". And nothing sexual or aggressive.
7) be prepared to gently turn away stalkers, serial texters, and some total flakes. It's just the price of admission. But for the most part, I've met some really cool women and got to be a tourist in my city by researching and suggesting different date spots.
I've tried it twice and I didn't like it. I told myself I would never do it. And I hate to sound arrogant, but with my build and looks I just don't need it. I did it cause I graduated college last December and since then I've only been with 5 women in a year. I always looked at it as kinda desperate and pathetic, but after seeing how common it's become I guess that's not the case. It was just my initial impression which I still kinda believe. First girl looked better in person than in pics which was a nice surprise, second time she looked much better in pictures then in person and I was amazed how different she looked. And then I realized all of her pics were close up, at a 3/4 angle only showing part of her face, with filters, pouting to make her lips look bigger, the camera slightly elevated or below her, but no just straight forward head on shots with no filter.
It's just not the same and I can't get the same feeling about a girl I met online versus seeing a girl in public at the gym, class, library, walking around campus, down the street, whatever and just going up to her, starting conversation, getting her number, and going from there. Adds a different element to instead of just yeah I saw 4-5 pics of you and swiped right so here I am.
I made sure to put a lot of different pics. Always smiling. Doing different things etc. I never included pics that anyone else with me. I also never put pics of my car etc. I did no selfies. Got a lot of compliments for not doing that.
I got more dates then I wanted, way more. The big thing is not sending the same stupid message that other guys send. Be thoughtful. Ask about things they put in their profile.
I've been fortunate (knock on wood) - maybe it's my location, or my appearance, or just luck. But some tips:
1) be yourself, women can spot a b.s. artist.
2) choose some semi-artistic pictures of yourself to stand out. Something unique. DON'T post any pics that have sexual overtones, like muscle pics or half-naked torso pics, etc.
3) instead of just answering the multiple choice questions, type out an explanation why you answered that way. (I've received a lot of messages because of this; most guys don't put in the effort).
4) If you're into traveling or doing any other fun activities, emphasize that a ton on your profile. Most women I've dated have been in boring dud relationships in the past and are now looking to enjoy life with someone more their speed.
5) talk about your job, and make sure you mention that you're good at it, but not a workaholic. It's amazing how many women I've met through OLD who had to support a deadbeat, or get neglected by a workaholic.
6) if you message anyone, be very specific about their profile. Ask them questions about it. Make them want to respond to you and not just put you in the category of "another generic message". And nothing sexual or aggressive.
7) be prepared to gently turn away stalkers, serial texters, and some total flakes. It's just the price of admission. But for the most part, I've met some really cool women and got to be a tourist in my city by researching and suggesting different date spots.
Men posting pics that are at the least...five years old
Men who ignore my criteria. Not incredibly picky or unrealistic criteria, but for example..my age range criteria. I'm 44, so I would prefer 42-52. I was often messaged by men in their 20s...or in their late 60s. I once had some 68 year old man whom I finally had to be a little firm with, and tell him to stop trying to communicate with me. However, I probably should have expected to attract a few older men since my profile (before I deleted it) mentioned that I love 60s and 70s music.
Men who are already in relationships, but "are on a break", or were dumped recently..and are using OLD as a way to tide themselves over..ie..looking for a quick hook up..until their ex comes back. I actually have more respect for the players out there and are honest about their intentions.
OLD in a medium sized city where over half of the population in your age range...are married. Leaving some pretty slim pickings.
I basically just gave up, and frankly have no interest in dating anyone for the moment. I figure if it's meant to be...it will happen...The old fashioned way.
I've dabbled on and off with online dating since 2008 after getting out of a long term relationship. I've had a lot of dates from several sites, but it's never my first choice. The best one always gets away, and nothing is ever mutual it seems. My problem has always been approach anxiety, which is going away gradually, but relapses every now and again. I guess it comes from growing up in New Jersey where it is custom never to even speak to a stranger or look them in the eye. I was out one night there recently, and in the past year have forgotten how despicable many of the "Jersey Girls" are, shooting you down with dirty looks and wise-a$$ comments. Then I think, would I want to be with someone with this type of attitude? And the answer of course is NO!
I'm also 31 years old, an alpha male at heart, and while I'm naturally an outgoing kind person, and a gentleman, I won't tolerate being pu$$y-whipped. I'm more attracted to quiet, soft-spoken, slightly shy females. If there is any attitude there, it's an instant turnoff. I'm not disrespectful, therefore you can't be either. This is why I don't fall for anyone easily. I can honestly say I haven't met anyone I liked in a VERY long time!
Any girl on these personals, especially the two big free ones - OKCupid and POF - that is even 1/2 decent looking, is only there for the attention, to boost confidence and just "see" how many hits, emails etc her profile gets. 1/2 of them have negative pessimistic content as well, saying "I don't want" this, that, the other thing. Your pessimistic attitude toward dating shows through when you post stuff like that, so how do you expect to meet anyone genuine with that? It's all about selling yourself. I have learned not to take it seriously anymore.
Then on match.com, no one responds at all. You can't if you don't pay, and how many actually do pay for it I don't know, but it's ridiculous. I'm not wasting any more money on that. But the trashy free ones are just SO addicting! It's addicting because of the pictures, the criteria you can put in, and the eye-candy that goes along with that.
I've had a lot of issues with the opposite sex growing up, it's messed me up pretty bad. You want to spin it that I've given up hope on finding true love, I guess that's one way to put it. But I now feel that I should just let it find me. So much energy is wasted on finding someone when it could be spent on something more constructive, and I should just let it happen on its own.
Last edited by NYtoNJtoPA; 01-23-2016 at 03:31 PM..
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