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I'm not going to lie, I do like to spend money and have spent my fair share over the years. At the same time, I try to live a modest lifestyle in order to A) live below my means, B) save/invest for emergencies and retirement, and C) pay down debt (student loans and mortgage). As I get older (30 now), this concept of frugal/modest living is more important to me.
However, I find it difficult to live a modest lifestyle, or a frugal lifestyle for that matter, as a result of being in a relationship. There are times when my GF and I relax and chill on the weekends and don't go out much. However, the majority of time we're out doing things. Quite often, I'm dropping between $100-$200 a week on activities. Whether it's going to the movies, running in some organized race, going on weekend trips, I feel like I'm always spending, spending, spending. She's also been pushing me to take yoga classes with her, and they cost like $80/mo. That's outrageous to me for an activity that requires on a mat and someone to instruct you how to do poses.
When I was single, I was naturally at home being an introverted loner. A fun weekend could cost me about $50 in total. I only had to entertain myself, which is not difficult at all. In a relationship, I feel obligated to be fun and outgoing with her, because I don't want her getting bored with me.
How do you make relationships and frugality go hand-in-hand? Is it possible? What are some ideas?
let her pay more often! I do not know how women always seem to get away with not paying.
She doesn't get off with not paying at all. We do often split the bill on our activities. Even so, our activities cost, on average, about $100-$200/week. That's going to the movies, running in organized races, local weekend get-aways (nothing fancy; camping, etc.), drinks/dinner with friends or between us, etc.
Well, you can do a lot of the same things without spending money. For example, the organized races... why not just run together on a nice path? Make a date of it and follow it up with a healthy lunch you make together back at you place or her place. Movies, maybe watch Netflix (or get a movie from a library) and make your own pizza or something together at home. Ask her what kinds of things she likes doing that are low cost. You are in a relationship, she should want to help you and make things easier for you (if she doesn't, I'd question the health of that relationship).
In a lot of ways, dating will always cost money. I'd say it's near impossible to date and not spend something (or a little more). But you can just take activities you like doing and figure out how to make them free or nearly free.
You may also want to post this in the economics forum (frugal living). I thought I was pretty frugal until I started reading there. People there have a wealth of good ideas.
When I was single, I was naturally at home being an introverted loner. A fun weekend could cost me about $50 in total. I only had to entertain myself, which is not difficult at all. In a relationship, I feel obligated to be fun and outgoing with her, because I don't want her getting bored with me.
The bolded, to me, is the key. Should the relationship proceed, are you happy being the "activity coordinator" and simply doing things so she "doesn't get bored with you"?
Of course there are oodles of things that one can do that don't cost a lot of money. The catch is that the two of you need to be on the same page with it.
I assume that you've spoken with her about where your monetary priorities are? If not, I would strongly suggest that you get on that. I'm not going to say that she should understand, only that if she doesn't, it might be time to re-evaluate your long-term compatibility with her.
Well, you can do a lot of the same things without spending money. For example, the organized races... why not just run together on a nice path? Make a date of it and follow it up with a healthy lunch you make together back at you place or her place. Movies, maybe watch Netflix (or get a movie from a library) and make your own pizza or something together at home. Ask her what kinds of things she likes doing that are low cost. You are in a relationship, she should want to help you and make things easier for you (if she doesn't, I'd question the health of that relationship).
In a lot of ways, dating will always cost money. I'd say it's near impossible to date and not spend something (or a little more). But you can just take activities you like doing and figure out how to make them free or nearly free.
You may also want to post this in the economics forum (frugal living). I thought I was pretty frugal until I started reading there. People there have a wealth of good ideas.
Thanks, these are some good ideas.
We do go on runs together in the park quite often. She likes to do some of the organized races because it's monitored and I suppose it feels like an accomplishment to her. It's also something that she feels keeps her motivated to continue her routine, because she's working towards something.
A lot of times, though, I feel like we end up going out and spending money because we're hanging out with other people. "Oh, this weekend so and so is doing this. Do you want to go? I think it'll be fun!" Those weekends end up being the most costly, because said events turn into an entire evening of eating out, drinking out, and doing whatever activity we originally planned on doing.
I just don't want to be the lame BF who's always turning down activities to go out with other people.
I'll also spend some more time over at the frugal sub-forum. I'm all about cutting costs where I can in order to pocket more of my hard-earned money.
Right now, sounds like you are in the honeymoon period. But eventually you can sort of cut it back a tad and do more frugal things. However, you need to talk with her. She might have different ideas on what sort of relationship she is looking for. She might want to be out and active every weekend doing things that cost money, vs planning for a future. These are major things you need to find out now that can make/break a relationship. have you guys discussed finances yet? How much you each make? debt? stuff like that?
I think the cost of living is just getting higher and you notice it more. I feel your pain. Last night my husband and I took our friend to a Christmas light exhibit at the arboretum. It was a mile stroll and all agreed it was a great night, but:
Family membership to arboretum: $89 (already paid)
Three tickets to event: $36
Peppermint schnapps hot chocolate: $8
Two hot ciders: $8
Dinner at a deli afterward: $26 (salad + ginger ale, grilled sandwich + water, soup + water)
$80 for a simple date night, not counting our arboretum membership. I took the kids and two of their friends to the movies this past Saturday ... holy smokes.
The dating/courting process isn't cheap. Now (the beginning stages) isn't the time to be a tightwad. You will have your chance later to be that guy. Here is an idea though, perhaps you can plan a larger splurge vacation down the road, like Hawaii or something, but you can couch it in terms of 'let's save some money over the next couple months to fund the trip". Meanwhile you can cut back and do less expensive activities in the interim, and perhaps swerve into these becoming habits, and then go on the Hawaii vacation and spend money like drunken sailors then. I think it could work, because in the back of her mind she knows she will be doing something really cool, and so you both can put off your gratification until then...which is a good habit to get into anyway.
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