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So it sounds like even outgoing women don't show signals??? So how do ya'll know when/if to approach?
Perhaps reserved women are a turn off for men Bc it signals more work on the man's part?
As I said, if I notice her looking at me several times and she is smiling I'll most likely approach her. And I'll only do it in certain environments (at a music festival, seeing live music at a club, coffee shop, bookstore). I won't cold approach someone at a supermarket, gym or waiting for a bus/train. The key is that she appears receptive to having someone approach her. I'd say I've been successful maybe half the time. Often they were just smiling to be nice, but I can say none have ever treated me rudely. They appreciated my gesture. As the saying goes, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
This thread has been very informative but I can't help but chuckle a little bit Bc some of you in here make men out to be clueless when it comes to woman. I have a hard time believing that if a woman is making continuous eye contact with you she isn't showing some kind of interest.
Does it mean if I see man making eye contact with me, I should automatically think he's looking at me Bc I'm unattractive, have bad hair or some other kind of bad trait?
As I said, if I notice her looking at me several times and she is smiling I'll most likely approach her. And I'll only do it in certain environments (at a music festival, seeing live music at a club, coffee shop, bookstore). I won't cold approach someone at a supermarket, gym or waiting for a bus/train. The key is that she appears receptive to having someone approach her. I'd say I've been successful maybe half the time. Often they were just smiling to be nice, but I can say none have ever treated me rudely. They appreciated my gesture. As the saying goes, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
So really it's a guessing game? Bc it seems even if a woman smiles while making eye contact that it doesn't really mean there is interest on her part?
KateSpinner I am a shy girl. It can be tough because you are invisible to men. But only you can change your situation only you can make a change. Posting a plea to the Internet is ineffective. The only behavior you can possibly change is your own.
I found success with men by getting out of my comfort zone. You don't have to be one extreme or the other. You don't have to be coy or aggressive. Make yourself say something to a guy. It doesn't have to be overly flirty it just has to break the ice.
If that's hard to do with men you are interested in them try it with just anyone. It is surprising but most people are safe and kind of sweet. It will give you practice and build your confidence to just talk to people.
I will warn you that there are men who react badly to a woman being friendly. Usually they assume if you are talking to them first you are desperate or want sex. If you run into that type politely excuse yourself and walk away.
Another option is online dating. In fact I met my current boyfriend through Match. And guess what. I contacted him first!
You can do it. Just take a deep breath and make the first move. It's hard at first but it gets easier and easier with practice.
Believe it or not, there are still men who know what they want when they see it, and know how to get it. As a woman, all you really have to do is look your best and do what women do. Send passive and barely noticeable signals if there is a man that catches your eye. Not every guy is a feminized freak who forgot what dangles between his legs. There is hope!
I'm married and out of the dating scene but I find this thread intriguing. I've always been reserved and shy so I understand the female side of it. The loud, extroverted, sexy dressing girls can get asked out in a minute but the shy girl doesn't seem to know what to do.
I never was able to change my personality to turn into an extrovert. Finally I did learn to smile and keep on smiling at a man I was interested in. But one problem was that I was seldom in the type of places where men hang out and look for dates. I was in bookstores, museums, the grocery store, the library, and in later life, even in some archive doing genealogy.
I just didn't want to be in a bar or some other loud place. I did find a wonderful man back in college by following him around, trying to get to talk to him, and finally memorizing his class schedule and standing around outside his classroom at dismissal time and striking up a conversation. He FINALLY got the message.
We had a great three year relationship.
In later life, I found relationships online. Once you're out working in the real world and you're not allowed to date anyone you work with, it gets almost impossible to meet anyone unless you go to bars or maybe if you're rich enough to go to expensive events where it's easy to meet people.
I met the best men online. Men don't seem to notice quiet, shy girls. But the shy girls are usually the girls who will be loyal to you and will go out of their way to make you happy. They aren't out there flirting with your best friend. LOL, shy girls often don't even KNOW how to flirt.
Last edited by in_newengland; 01-03-2016 at 12:22 AM..
Believe it or not, there are still men who know what they want when they see it, and know how to get it. As a woman, all you really have to do is look your best and do what women do. Send passive and barely noticeable signals if there is a man that catches your eye. Not every guy is a feminized freak who forgot what dangles between his legs. There is hope!
It's not about having no interest in shy women. If anything, I love it when a woman is visibly shy! The problem is how do you approach a woman like that? And where are they?
That's a problem I've had for some time now actually. Where do you meet single people for the general purpose of having a romantic connection? In my case I don't drink so bars are out. And partying isn't my thing either. I hear people talking about meeting at book stores or grocery stores, but the first I don't go to often at all and the second it seems seedy to try to get chatty while looking over lettuce and broccoli.
Then again I come from a place where socializing is seen as odd and few people do it. Plan on moving and hope that's something that changes.
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