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He did a lot of initiating in the first chats, yet he did most of the talking as well? And he didn't want to clarify the arrangements for the first date? That does say to me that he wasn't that into you. Either that, or he's really absent-minded, if he can't remember to pick a location to meet, and forgets that the arrangements for the date haven't been finalized yet.
Strange. But I suppose that kind of forgetfulness does happen. Still, a guy who's truly into you would be sure you were clear on when and where to meet for the date.
This is the second time you have said this. I think it indicates the opposite. Why would someone initiate chats if they aren't interested? Why would they do most of the talking?
This is the second time you have said this. I think it indicates the opposite. Why would someone initiate chats if they aren't interested? Why would they do most of the talking?
They do most of the talking because they're more into themselves than they are into you. When a guy's truly into a woman, he wants to know everything about her, and is fascinated with what she has to say. If he does most of the talking, he denies himself the opportunity to get to know much about her, which defeats the (theoretical) purpose of the first date or two. That, in turn, indicates that the details of who she is, what motivates her in life, her values, her background, etc. are of no interest to him. Besides, it's just plain rude to monopolize most of the conversation.
They do most of the talking because they're more into themselves than they are into you. When a guy's truly into a woman, he wants to know everything about her, and is fascinated with what she has to say. If he does most of the talking, he denies himself the opportunity to get to know much about her. Which indicates that the details of who she is, what motivates her in life, her values, etc. is of no interest to him.
I second that, people LOVE LOVE LOVE to talk and yammer incessantly, the fact that he talked her ear off doesn't mean anything at the end of the day, it just means he's probably a yapper.
I bet you can probably tell that I don't care for people that talk too much and have lopsided convo's.
They do most of the talking because they're more into themselves than they are into you. When a guy's truly into a woman, he wants to know everything about her, and is fascinated with what she has to say. If he does most of the talking, he denies himself the opportunity to get to know much about her, which defeats the (theoretical) purpose of the first date or two. That, in turn, indicates that the details of who she is, what motivates her in life, her values, her background, etc. are of no interest to him. Besides, it's just plain rude to monopolize most of the conversation.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
They do most of the talking because they're more into themselves than they are into you. When a guy's truly into a woman, he wants to know everything about her, and is fascinated with what she has to say. If he does most of the talking, he denies himself the opportunity to get to know much about her, which defeats the (theoretical) purpose of the first date or two. That, in turn, indicates that the details of who she is, what motivates her in life, her values, her background, etc. are of no interest to him. Besides, it's just plain rude to monopolize most of the conversation.
I don't know these people, but generally when I feel I've done most of the talking it is because I'm trying to draw that person out and engage in conversation. Lots of people are horrible conversationalists (esp women) and I, as a guy, constantly have to hit on things, new topics, ask leading questions, etc etc to try to find something, anything, they're passionate about to actually keep the interaction going and not have there be silence. This is true for both in person and via text or OLD communication.
You're on the exact wrong track. The question shouldn't be why he did most of the talking, but why she didn't talk more or engage with him.
I generally won't go out with these people a second time because I had to do all the work and they feel generally uninteresting, but it is an all too common thing.
I don't know these people, but generally when I feel I've done most of the talking it is because I'm trying to draw that person out and engage in conversation. Lots of people are horrible conversationalists (esp women) and I, as a guy, constantly have to hit on things, new topics, ask leading questions, etc etc to try to find something, anything, they're passionate about to actually keep the interaction going and not have there be silence. This is true for both in person and via text or OLD communication.
You're on the exact wrong track. The question shouldn't be why he did most of the talking, but why she didn't talk more or engage with him.
I generally won't go out with these people a second time because I had to do all the work and they feel generally uninteresting, but it is an all too common thing.
Wow, I had no idea. That sounds exhausting! But also keep in mind that the opposite happens all too often; the guy just blathers on about himself without even stopping for air, and his date doesn't get a chance to get a word in edgewise, hardly. Since you bring it up, it seems that in this case, we don't know which scenario took place during the OP's phone conversations (she hasn't had a date yet)--him making a concerted effort throughout the conversations to draw her out (why would it be so hard, if she was into him? Go figure...) or him just being a motor mouth. And if she was that hard to draw out on a few phone calls, why would he want to date her? Oh well.
At any rate, she's already signaled to him she didn't want to date him, so if she's changed her mind, I don't see any way of salvaging that.
However, after this first chat, it was me who initiated 3/4 texts within a week asking him how his day went, and each time, I sensed that he wasn't as interested in chatting with me anymore.
We're you texting him every day asking him how his day was? If so, that could have been a bit overwhelming. I don't blame him for not being too enthusiastic about texting you back.
On the other hand, I understand how tempting it is to shut down when you're afraid of getting hurt by someone you really like. Unfortunately, it's a chance you have to take.
We're you texting him every day asking him how his day was? If so, that could have been a bit overwhelming. I don't blame him for not being too enthusiastic about texting you back.
On the other hand, I understand how tempting it is to shut down when you're afraid of getting hurt by someone you really like. Unfortunately, it's a chance you have to take.
No, I only initiated and texted him every 2-3 days, and it was only for a week, so I don't think I over did it. However, during that one week, he only initiated one text, and that was when he wished me a happy Friday as well as the reminder about our upcoming date.
Here's a little update: it's been a week since we last texted each other, and I've been thinking about this a lot. I just sent him a text saying I'm sorry and asking him if we could start over, along with two other truthful reasons why I cancelled on him (not the #1 reason as mentioned here, but two other partial reasons). If I don't hear back from him, then it confirms that he really didn't give a damn about me to begin with. If I really like someone and wanted to meet them, I'd give them another chance. It's not like I stood him up. What do you think?
No, I only initiated and texted him every 2-3 days, and it was only for a week, so I don't think I over did it. However, during that one week, he only initiated one text, and that was when he wished me a happy Friday as well as the reminder about our upcoming date.
Here's a little update: it's been a week since we last texted each other, and I've been thinking about this a lot. I just sent him a text saying I'm sorry and asking him if we could start over, along with two other truthful reasons why I cancelled on him (not the #1 reason as mentioned here, but two other partial reasons). If I don't hear back from him, then it confirms that he really didn't give a damn about me to begin with. If I really like someone and wanted to meet them, I'd give them another chance. It's not like I stood him up. What do you think?
First off, I personally think you jumped the gun. Dating sites will say you're online for several minutes after you're off and it may well be that he just quickly opened it up then closed it again and went to bed. Or maybe not. But even if he was, he had no reason to be obligated to you. You weren't together.
But it's a good thing you did reach out. On the other hand if I were in his position, I'd be hesitant. Some men are more open to this than others, but cancelling on a date (I'm assuming you didn't give a reason) and then getting in touch a week later tells me someone else came along and you had a fling, or you're flip-flopping, or generally just not all that there with dating. It wouldn't mean he didn't give a damn about you. It might mean you've got him weirded out.
No, I only initiated and texted him every 2-3 days, and it was only for a week, so I don't think I over did it. However, during that one week, he only initiated one text, and that was when he wished me a happy Friday as well as the reminder about our upcoming date.
Here's a little update: it's been a week since we last texted each other, and I've been thinking about this a lot. I just sent him a text saying I'm sorry and asking him if we could start over, along with two other truthful reasons why I cancelled on him (not the #1 reason as mentioned here, but two other partial reasons). If I don't hear back from him, then it confirms that he really didn't give a damn about me to begin with. If I really like someone and wanted to meet them, I'd give them another chance. It's not like I stood him up. What do you think?
OK, at least you tried, OP, and you've done all you can do at this point. If it's that important to you, I think it's good that you apologized and give it a shot. Maybe the whole thing can be chalked up to miscommunication. Let us know if it works out.
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