Quote:
Originally Posted by OmegaSparks
Can I still find a girlfriend?  |
Quoted since you are the OP, along with your title question:
"Is it okay to be a Mediocre Generic man when it comes to dating?"
To be blunt: What do YOU think?
Before you make another list of your "average" attributes like the one you posted in the thread itself (
http://www.city-data.com/forum/42708445-post26.html), let me ask you again, but I want you to really listen to the question this time.
What do YOU think?
Average means "average". The median, the mean, the intermediate. Baby Bear's porridge, neither too hot nor too cold, neither above nor below. Midgard. This Earthly Plane. The majority, falling somewhere between mid-lower and mid-upper. A generality, a rule of thumb with the obvious caveat of occasional exception.
Average really ain't so bad, should one possess the wherewithal to really think about it. At the 50th percentile you're still doing better than the 49 percent below, almost as good as the 51st percentile, who is -- let me be clear here --
above average.
So what I think you really wanted was the chance to visibly list some of the qualities you know you possess for some of the women here, and maybe a few of the guys, get some positive feedback, make folks look at that list and ask themselves "Hey, why AREN'T women just throwing themselves at this catch? He's got a lot going for him AND he's really humble, practically
bashful. The problem must be women in general..."
Only that's not how it comes off. The question does come to mind, but instead of thinking gals are shallow or that the majority are unrealistic (whatever I may think on that count), what people think is "Hmm, he's got all that but can't seem to land a girlfriend. Seems insecure, but given the points
pro- one just has to wonder what he's NOT telling us, what further fiend is nudging the arm?"
It's perfectly fine to be average, but if you plan to use it as your lead the only women responding will be at the 49th percentile and below. Women get blamed for it but everyone, man and woman alike, tries to marry/date/opt UP, not across or down. This applies in looks, finances, bed, socializing, home interaction -- you name it. People want a person but also want to accessorize, get a better stereo, television, whatever.
Is that what you want? If so, fine; but saying "I just want a girlfriend" smells less of self-awareness, more of desperation.
Moreover -- if you truly see yourself as TOTALLY average, practically nondescript, do you think anyone sees you as
interesting? Perhaps so, but not for the people who turn on a television to be entertained; rather, for the people who turn it on just to have some noise in the room and
something to watch-but-not-really-watch-while-they-do-laundry.
Take it a step further:
Is it okay to be a Mediocre Generic Man... at all? For anything? Maybe THIS isn't your forte, but THAT over there is important to you, makes you all passionate and gets the blood flowing.
Unless all you want is to BE mediocre.
I'm a collector of wisdoms and for all that it came from a commercial for the Navy, one of the best questions I ever heard posed addresses your thread quite directly:
If someone wrote a story about your life, would YOU want to read it?
Stop asking this forum whether you
qualify for having a girlfriend. Just stop it. Sometimes in life if you have to ask the price you can't afford it.
Do you QUALIFY for a girlfriend? Seriously, you need to be slapped. Hard. By a man who slaps you and sits you down for a good talking-to, and slaps you every time you open your mouth for the next three days until you learn to listen AND to start thinking and asking the right questions.
Who am I? I seem to be doing okay for myself, but can't land a girlfriend for any length of time, so what am I doing wrong? I am THE COMMON DENOMINATOR in all these equations, so it makes sense to begin right there:
What am *I* doing in the first place, so that I can start paring it all down and figure out where I'm going wrong?
Who am I? Why did I ask this twice? It must be important. Do I even know who I am? Do I have any idea what I really want out of LIFE, besides someplace to get my dork dipped and wet?
I know I'm lonely, and so I want a girlfriend... but WHY is a girlfriend the most important thing in my life, and always on my mind? What do I do when I don't have a girlfriend? What do I do with my free time? Do I have any? If not, WHY not? What would I do if I had that free time?
What do I like? To eat? To wear? To listen to, to read, to sing, to dance to? What is my favorite color? Do I have more than one, or do I have only a glib answer so pat that it seems dull and rehearsed?
Why am I so desperate to be accepted as Joe Average? Do I want nothing greater? Can I not conceive of anything greater?
WHAT DO I WANT?!?!? WHY DO I GET OUT OF BED EACH MORNING? AM I ONLY HERE TO PAY BILLS UNTIL I DIE? HAVE I NO BARBARIC YAWP TO SOUND FROM THE TOP OF THE WORLD, NONE AT ALL?
And now you know whether you qualify for a girlfriend, because now you know what kind of woman would find you appealing... assuming you can exist loudly enough to get anyone to listen.
Don't despair. Don't be that guy.
Wake up and live. It's such an effing amazing world with so much to see and do that is so very, very NOT AVERAGE OR MEDIOCRE, even without a girlfriend.
Be alive. Women like guys who are alive. Right now you don't seem to be, but you keep asking, so I suspect that inside you there is a Real Boy screaming to climb out of the wooden shell and escape the strings.
Yeah, I wrote a novel. So what?
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