Older woman just wants a good man (looking, different, relations)

[Just A Guy]

Originally Posted by mishigas73

"Entitled"?

This is a serious question.

Is it not "ok" for someone to put out there that she likes being with men who open doors for her and such?

Generally, women who aren't entitled about things like this will just put it out there that they like the romantic side of things, but won't state what it is they expect the man to do.

It's not just this in isolation. There are usually other flags too. In the OP's case, notice how she is complaining and then puts men in parentheses, as if to say these aren't really men, but some sub-species of men. She also makes a generalization about what has happened to manners, as if she believes no one has any manners any more.

Originally Posted by mishigas73

"Entitled"?

If the red flags are waved when someone mentions this, certainly it would be a pretty darn good way to weed out those who would not be compatible?

Yes, little things like this will be seen as red flags by the better guys and they will screen her out. What she will be left with will be the ones who send her pictures of private parts.

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by Just A Guy

Generally, women who aren't entitled about things like this will just put it out there that they like the romantic side of things, but won't state what it is they expect the man to do.

It's not just this in isolation. There are usually other flags too. In the OP's case, notice how she is complaining and then puts men in parentheses, as if to say these aren't really men, but some sub-species of men. She also makes a generalization about what has happened to manners, as if she believes no one has any manners any more.

I pretty much agree with this.

[Just A Guy]

Also, it's very unlikely that all the guys on all the sites, including the Christian ones, want booty calls. When someone says that is all that is happening to her, there is definitely something up with her.

[Caleb Longstreet]

Originally Posted by Adoptstrays

Hi all.
I just turned 50. I am divorced after 28 years. I've been on a few dating sites including senior sites. I am having a problem. Seems no matter what age the "men" are, all they want is a booty call, even on the christian sites.
I go to church and everyone is married. Now, I'm not saying I'm a bible beater, far from it. I thought maybe I might find an old fashioned man, with respect for the female race.
I'm tired of being asked to send certain pics of myself and who in God's name thinks a woman wants to see a pic of a guy's junk? Whatever happened to some mystery and actually getting to know each other first?
I am at a total loss. Where did the respect go?

Interesting....I just weighed-in on this recently.....it seems that when you gals hit this age you start to look for what perhaps you should have looked for all along because as you see, Brad Pitt rarely shows up in the end. Don't feel bad, neither does Penelope Cruz or Gizelle for us either.


No matter, most men and women have been through the mental damage a bad or dissolving marriage can bring and the LAST thing either of them want is another "relationship"......


Booty calls are just that. Funny though, you left out the part where the more-than-willing participants of 50+ are tossing it out like Frisbees on campus....no criticism but, as we all know, women are more than liberated by this point in their lives. From what I hear, some of these booty calls are borderline rape where the man is under attack for a change. Nice.


As my friends say, "lower their expectations".....all of them that date pretty much say the same thing. For the first time in their lives, getting the dates is a lay up....however, too many are still out there (females) "auditioning" for the next set of assets to part with as consolation prizes so they take a pass. They're good. They are mostly looking for someone who they can have an intelligent conversation with and good company and the advice is; S T E A D Y as she goes there professor.....they, unlike most females, are NOT looking to rush to ANYTHING....can't say I blame them....


A few of them have never been married and to date on the dating sites makes them feel like "an endangered species"....when the women (almost all divorced once or twice) find out THEY have "no baggage" it's like someone sprayed them with Velcro and the dates become "sticky"....NOT good. Guess who is trying to fill up their holiday schedules? No thanks.....


The men that are playing it like they did back in the day will never change. However, I wouldn't put a timeline on this. I know that's hard but, the moment you "toss your goodies" out and then start texting the guy 5 times a day followed up by 10 phone calls assures you that it will only end in a "meaningful overnight relationship"....capiche?


For those females out there with this "gottahaveaguy" virus, ease off....take an Anacin or Alka Seltzer or something......start slow....let me repeat that for you impetuous types...take it S L O W and S L O W E R.......or as David Chappelle might say; "take it easy.....take it eeeeaaassssy"......


Good point on the guy showing his junk...what a d-bag...hard to believe anyone would put themselves out there like that but, then again, most women throw out a 10 year old "glamour" shot...you know, the salons that take you from "Mutt to ****" in 2 hours or less.....do NOT put an older photo up....all of my friends that use the sites tell me that 3-4 out of 5 they meet obviously used some "misleading advertising".....one was off by 50lbs....seems the average is 10 years out of date......Hey, a LOT can happen in 10 years especially when you go from say, 45 to 55????. It ain't a rounding error. Save that for your taxes.....besides, I doubt any woman would be as happy either when the opposite disappointment happens to them...would they?


All of my friends say, without exception, that if they do hook up with anyone there seems to be this underlying pressure from the get go....some are coming out relationships, like yours, decades old and they have not been with another guy in that much time...apparently it unlocks the savage beast within at least for a few weeks. If you find yourself taking a shower alone the next morning and your place resembles your daughter's dorm room, you have been warned. S L O W down....hard to develop mystery when you just spent the better part of 4 hours working your "A game", huh? We usually like to see the "hail damage" on the rear a bit further down the road....it's okay to have some dents in the fenders. God knows we do! I just don't think I would let that be the last thing he saw before he woke up.


Just sayin'.


I wish you luck with this but, I think that this is truly a better time for us all to be older. It seems the relationships that do blossom, however few, seem to have some more interest and dynamic qualities than the old Friday night gal syndrome. For that, we should all be grateful.


Good luck, it's a jungle out there....

[mishigas73]

Originally Posted by Just A Guy

Yes, little things like this will be seen as red flags by the better guys and they will screen her out. What she will be left with will be the ones who send her pictures of private parts.

It's definitely not an "either or" in my experience.

[Chowhound]

Originally Posted by oh-eve

Women like that ruin it for the rest of us.

I would tend to think older men, say 40 and above tend to have more of that "open the door for her" mentality. I personally was never an open her car door type, but more so for doors to buildings. I'm sort of middle of the road when it comes to chivalry. The point I'm making is that we're in a weird time now, as some women like that chivalry stuff and some don't I really feel bad for the young women that want to find old fashioned men. I think the Christian crowd might be the way to go for younger ladies that like that stuff. IDK

I'm glad I'm not out there because I wouldn't really know which way to approach it. I'd most likely date women around my age and I'm sure most women around my age wouldn't give me a tude for opening up a door, but heck, you never know anymore. LOL

[svendrell]

Originally Posted by Just A Guy

In the OP's case, notice how she is complaining and then puts men in parentheses, as if to say these aren't really men, but some sub-species of men.

She also states females are their own race. Yup, agree something is going on.

[Hivemind31]

Originally Posted by mishigas73

You roll the dice, you take your chances.

Every time you put yourself out there, whether in person or online, you take the chance that what you do or say might weed out some people that are very compatible. It's the cost of doing business.

So to suggest that someone temper their words so as to not raise the "red flags" of strangers? Meh.

If it is important that someone be a "gentleman"? Put it out there. If it offends others, or raises their "red flags", so be it. Don't spend your time worrying about how hypothetical people might be put off by what you desire. Yes, you may be weeding out otherwise compatible people- but I do have to wonder how compatible these people really are if their "red flags" are waving at what you say.

I don't think it's a manner of "tempering" one's words to avoid the items that Just A Guy mentioned. But if one considers it so, then yes, tempering one's words is absolutely important.

Also, while I live my life in a very "roll the dice, take one's chances" kind of way, the OP seems a bit disenchanted with that potential outcome, which is why I posted what I did.

[Just A Guy]

Originally Posted by mishigas73

It's definitely not an "either or" in my experience.

I'm not sure what you mean by this. Do you mean you have luck with decent guys on OLD who don't seem like they just want a booty call? If so, do you put in your profile examples of what a man should do, such as opening doors for you?

[Chowhound]

Originally Posted by svendrell

She also states females are their own race. Yup, agree something is going on.

Where does she says that, I've looked up her posts in this thread and I just don't see an entitlement mentality or this females are their own race stuff????