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You are asking for trouble just by being this "friendly" with her. It is not worth it. You are being tempted and it will blow up in your face if you don't stop it now. It is not worth it (yea, I know I already said it once). Remove yourself from the temptation, there is no need for you and this married, older, mother of your student to be so intimate. You know what you need to do, don't try to get approval from a chat room.
If she gets divorced, not just separated, divorced, then that is another matter.
One way to discourage her, without hurting her feelings is to simply let her know that you have met a really great woman and don't stop talking about how she is your soul mate, or whatever ...regardless of whether she exists.
This can't end well if she drags you into her problems. Let her finish her business first before involving anyone else.
I'm female, around her age, and man, I'd stay away from that. You're asking for trouble (I read all your posts). She's probably hoping you'll make a move, but my move, in your shoes, would be backward, not forward. You could ruin lives this way. Date a lovely single woman. They exist.
I would probably just let her continue being friendly and touchy without reciprocating. She is playing a game with herself (can I keep a hot young guy interested?) and doesn't want to be rejected... but, what the other posters said about ex-cop, ruin lives, etc.
One nice thing about being a married adult is I can flirt to my heart's content and never go beyond that. It's fun. No harm is intended or done.
I coach after-school sports among the top 5% in a large cosmopolitan American city. One of the mother's of an athlete (hs senior) I have been coaching for two years and I have gotten to be friends. We see each other during and after games and we talk about school, grades, traffic, the presidential race, college admissions, climate change--the usual medley of modern American upper middle class life topics.
I like her a lot as a person. She's intelligent, funny and still cute at 46. I am 35, single/not dating seriously, very fit, straight, and not unattracted to older woman.
Said mother is noticeably friendly with me. Hands on my arms and shoulder when making a point, close-taking, the occasional stepping on my toe. These are not isolated instances. There have been a half dozen conversations like this at least.
Once she just dropped into conversation a casual "I like you." It didn't sound with any romantic intention though, just a statement of fact. I think I dumbly said "thanks" not really knowing what else to say.
She totally has her life--house, husband, Honda Passport, two kids in private high school. She works an insane amount. This is a family of strivers.
When I'm with her, my internal conversation is something like "Jesus, J--- can't actually be flirting with me this blatantly." The thought of having an affair is like so far beyond my comprehension. I can't even conceive of what the logistics would be.
Am I right in seeing this as flirting or is this just an older (perhaps sexually unhappy) mom who enjoys feeling like she still has some game?
As married people, usually, we look, smell, and we're at our liveliest during the business hours. When we get home, the focus is feeding the children, doing homework, taking them to after school sports, etc. When we finally do get a shower and settle down, the only activity that we want to do in bed is sleep!. By doing so, our spouse may feel neglected.
This is where you come in. You give her conversation, you're somewhat of a father figure, and your eyes probably speak more than your mouth. You wrote, "This is a family of strivers." Her husband may be too busy to give her the attention that she needs/ wants. After all, a house and two children in private school is not cheap! He may feel that he is showing her how much he cares by working and providing for his family. She also works "an insane amount of hours." Perhaps working may be her way of compensating for a lack of intimacy.
That said, if you're curious enough to ask us about it, ask her. I'm certain that she wants you. Even if it's just to feel a void. However, this is dangerous territory. On one hand, the attention that she's giving you is flattering. One the other hand, I would question if she thinks that I'm a sucker. I'd ask myself: Do I look so gullible that I can be seduced by a 46 year old married woman with two children? What does she see in me?
I don't know man. Proceed with caution is my recommendation.
I am a 44 year old married man, with three children. The scenario that I painted above is not my reality. However, I do see and have seen it, in others.
^ What Marlow said. This is trouble, do not engage.
I agree with this. I feel like you could lose your job over this...even if she just gets "the wrong cues" from you "allowing" the two of you to be so close. It ISN'T professional from your end...at all. I don't care what she's doing or how she's feeling, this is your job we're talking about.
At my son's elementary school we have only one male teacher. He has taught two of my sons. I have noticed this is the one teacher who never says anything about his home life except VERY vaguely and abstractly, as if reading the information off a card. "Yes, I have a beautiful wife and two beautiful daughters." Like it's a script. And that's only if pushed. He is nice, but he stands back and you can feel it (as I said, when compared to the other teachers, most of whom, though professional, are way more relaxed around the female parents). He smiles and will respond to a mom joking with a laugh - a very very polite laugh. And that is it. He'll never be the one making the joke. He never reaches out to try to close the gap between parent and teacher.
I know why it is. It's because unlike with the female teachers (unfairly or not), if he were to engage and laugh and slap arms and so on with the moms, it could be trouble for him...even if innocent. In your case it isn't innocent, even in your own mind you are directly thinking this is flirting, no question about it.
If you like your job...lay off. And yeah, you have a part in this. You know you do. You've already placed the husband in the quasi-demon category, he's so cold, blah blah. You've already set up the "but they must not be happy" card (they don't talk, etc.). You've basically logged every "accidental" touch, noted she steps on your toes (?), even semi-counted the total times this has happened (6) - you are VERY vested in every nuance of this. You even sideways-asked how to do this! Come on.
I would probably just let her continue being friendly and touchy without reciprocating. She is playing a game with herself (can I keep a hot young guy interested?) and doesn't want to be rejected... but, what the other posters said about ex-cop, ruin lives, etc.
One nice thing about being a married adult is I can flirt to my heart's content and never go beyond that. It's fun. No harm is intended or done.
Yeah, and if she gets mad because she has some sort of epiphany, wants to change the game and actually go for it (especially since his actions have basically said "Yeah, I love this" or at the very least have not said in ANY way "No, we won't go there") but he rejects her? And meanwhile many other people have witnessed their touchy-feeliness to back up any accusation she wants to make in retaliation...? What was all this about "no harm is done," again?
Honestly.
I mean do what you want, OP, but you've been warned, I don't see that there's much else to say.
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