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Most of the time I'm not emotionally invested in it, so I bounce back quickly. Very recently it happened and I'm still struggling. I really cared about him and thought he cared about me. No, I'm sure he cared about me. I think he just got buried under the weight of his own angst.
A lot of people lose confidence when their relationships fail. They put their best game on, but when faced with the thought of having to sustain it for any length of time, their confidence ebbs. Thus, the Wave.
It happened to me once.
I'm a monogamous man and once I'm in a relationship and slept with a woman, I feel that I'm hers, exclusively. This means that I'm not with any other woman. Well, wouldn't you know, a few weeks later, she gives me the "I'm not ready for a relationship" bull**** and broke it off! I gave her a few choice words and moved on.
People are complicated and their emotions even more so.
I can recall I got dumped out of the blue, no rhyme or reason. This was a guy flying me out to meet him a few times a month and poof! All gone! Wouldn't return calls.... nothing.
Later found out that his ex GF had shown up with a baby and said it was his. He was wigging out.
He did try and get back 6 months later, but it was too late.
There are a million and one reasons for someone to break-up.
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Well, I haven't technically dumped anyone but I have cut out when I've been talking to women in a romantic format before a relationship could start. The thought of an intimate relationship to this day scares me a little bit because I have to be vulnerable so it is easier to just cut things off at the pass.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NewYorker11356
I've never been in a relationship, but stuff like that just boggles my mind.
Seems like a lot of things have to go right (physical attraction, sexual attraction, compatibility, communication, no big deal breakers at the very least, etc.).
And even if all those things are good and fine, one (or even both) could just decide to dump you at any time for really no apparent reason other than they weren't feeling it.
Well of course. If the emotional connection isn't there, or isn't forming, then why continue on? The relation has run its course. I don't know about you, but I want to fall in love. If I get to a point where I know that isn't going to happen, and I know that isn't the person I'm going to partner with, then there is generally no reason to continue on.
Relationships come down to feelings, so it makes sense that that is why relationships more forward or not.
I can't quote the quote included in the OP, but it says:
Quote:
How many people do you know who've been in a new relationship, only to have their partner flee for no valid reason?
The key word here is "valid." Who gets to define what's a valid reason? If a relationship ends, it's because at least one party didn't want to be in it. What more "valid" reason is necessary? People want to search for a "why" (myself included, when I was single) but I hardly think there's some global psychological phenomenon taking place.
I can't quote the quote included in the OP, but it says:
The key word here is "valid." Who gets to define what's a valid reason? If a relationship ends, it's because at least one party didn't want to be in it. What more "valid" reason is necessary? People want to search for a "why" (myself included, when I was single) but I hardly think there's some global psychological phenomenon taking place.
That's the crux of this, isn't it?
OP, it seems like you're trying to demonstrate to yourself that you weren't at fault for this break-up. Chances are you weren't, but what do you gain from thinking like that? It doesn't protect you from this happening again. There's likely no marker that helps identify who might do this in the future. Sometimes, or really often times things don't work out, at least not as well as we'd like. This seems like one of those times, and further analysis won't change it.
I've been reading a book called Deeper Dating, by Ken Page, and he talks about a phenomenon called "the wave." It's where you're dating someone and things seem to be going great and then for whatever reason, you or they start to find fault and then you dump the person, or they dump you. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...-relationships
It seems to me that it's exactly what happened with my last relationship because there seemed to be not one single reason why this happened except that he got scared. Ken urges you to try to ride it out for a little while and if there's no major red flags then maybe it's just a passing wave and he has lots of examples in his book of couples in great relationships who've navigated past this sort of thing. I wonder how many men I've broken up with prematurely? Of course I'm talking about people who are available and want a relationship as much as you do.
"Navigating" someone who has intimacy issues, gets "scared", and then has to sabotage things is a disaster in the making. No one with a decent amount of self-esteem is going to put up with that stuff. People who do put up with that stuff have intimacy issues of their own, so they are just as bad.
I've been reading a book called Deeper Dating, by Ken Page, and he talks about a phenomenon called "the wave." It's where you're dating someone and things seem to be going great and then for whatever reason, you or they start to find fault and then you dump the person, or they dump you. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...-relationships
It seems to me that it's exactly what happened with my last relationship because there seemed to be not one single reason why this happened except that he got scared. Ken urges you to try to ride it out for a little while and if there's no major red flags then maybe it's just a passing wave and he has lots of examples in his book of couples in great relationships who've navigated past this sort of thing. I wonder how many men I've broken up with prematurely? Of course I'm talking about people who are available and want a relationship as much as you do.
Honestly, that sounds like something I would do.
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Of course I'm talking about people who are available and want a relationship as much as you do.
