Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Surprisingly, many young single women actually do live out in the suburbs. A number might not even care much for urban life. The trick is finding ways to meet them.
This.
It sounds like you're hurting from the breakup. Now is not the time to make any drastic decisions. Get over the breakup, first. Get back on an even keel. Then evaluate your situation.
If you like where you are, stay there. Look around your town to see what kind of activities there are where you could meet women. Pursue hobbies, get involved in different activities. Keep your eye out in your neighborhood, too. Women your age do buy homes in the 'burbs, if they're together enough to afford it, and they rent a spare room out to a gf, as well. A new chapter in your life is opening up, that's all.
And in case you're wondering, you'd be a fool to give up your job. Don't do that! Remember: this funk, too, shall pass.
You'd think it would be attractive, but from what I've encountered thus far, the women I've met around my age want a life like this... but a life created together, not assume one that has already been created (and all the decisions already made)... and I don't blame them.
Nand aside from the dating aspect, I love it here.
What decisions already made? The house?
Look, you may have to lose some money on the deal to be with whatever woman.
Maybe she'd want to move into your already bought home.
Maybe she'd want to (and chicks for some reason are really big on this and I don't get it) start fresh with a place you choose together (because of some weirdo irrational belief that your home could never really be hers unless you buy some other totally random strange home).
I am a woman and I don't get the mindset, but lots of women are this way. A bit of cash is a small sacrifice for the decision that will be the biggest determinant of your happiness.
1) Does anyone see a way I can repair this? Jobs like the one I have are extremely rare... it took me 10 years to get the one I have and I doubt I'd have much luck finding another. So, moving back would cost me my career plus the friends I've made here, the house that has become my home (and I'd have trouble affording selling the house, moving again, etc).... Her and I still talk frequently but she's by no means still feeling the love towards me... she thinks I screwed up her life (gone from job+apartment at 27 to no job+living with parents at 30).
Why would you want her back? She sounds like a very weak person and the fact that she couldn't find a decent job hints to me that she didn't really have her act together. Is this the type of person you want to be with.
Quote:
2) Assuming I can't repair it, now I'm stuck with the life (family sedan, career, house, suburbia...) of a 30 something married father and back on the dating scene. I'd be shock to find a woman my age within 25 miles without a ring on her finger. I love living here but I flat out don't fit in. Every friend of mine has kids. Downtown is about a 40 minute drive from me, there are singles there... but it seems every guy I'm "competing" with has a cool condo in the city... and here I am with my boring home out in the suburbs. As far as finding someone new in this situation.... Any advice? Tips? Thoughts?
Dude, women don't give a **** about any of that ****. Living in the suburbs will be a minor inconvenience at best. Go out there and date. Problem solved.
Young woman here.. just adding my 2 cents.
1. Please forget about your ex-gf.. previous posters are right, she just showed how self-centered she is and she doesn't have what it takes to be a partner through thick and thin. You have a lot of wishful thinking.
2. You shouldn't worry about having a house and the whole "suburban" lifestyle scaring away women. If anything, I would be impressed with what you have at 30.. and knowing about the story behind it shows you as a committed partner that did a lot for his previous gf. In a way, any woman looking for serious LTR would be interested in you.
How do you know other women would know about your previous assumed life with another woman? Unless her name is in the deed. Men buy houses by themselves all the time. In the city or suburbs. So you really don't need to sell or move.
Last edited by Gabriella Geramia; 02-15-2016 at 07:52 AM..
Surprisingly, many young single women actually do live out in the suburbs. A number might not even care much for urban life. The trick is finding ways to meet them.
I have always hated the city life and would never even date a guy that does not want to live in the suburbs. And by suburbs, I mean living past the suburbs into what is considered downright rural.
Op- don't sell your house. Keep looking and the right woman will gladly want to fit into your life. It sounds like a dream to me and I would gladly take my kids and fit into a mans already established home.
Hey all, I'm not one to really post online about these types of things, but I'm in sort of a unique situation and thought you might have some advice.
So I'm 32 years old. After dating a number of women through my 20s, I felt like I finally found the one. Had been dating this woman for about 3 years. Seemed to be a great match, lived together and were looking forward to and planned on getting married, having kids, the whole American Dream type thing.
About a year ago, I got the job offer of my dreams about 500 miles way from where we were living. We made multiple trips and spent a serious amount of time there and decided we loved the area and were all for it. Was sick of living in apartments and completely ready to move on to the next phase in life, so I ended up buying an amazing house out in a really nice part of suburbia. Dumped a lot of the college kid aspects of my life, old furniture, etc and decided this move and job would be my a large part of my transition to married adult family man.
All sounds good so far, right? Well, fast forward a few months. GF can't find a job in new city... I support her and encourage her but she feels worthless without contributing to the household. GF, who never lived away from her family before, is depressingly homesick. GF considers going back to school but can't find any schools in new city that offer programs she's interested in. And on and on.
I've lived in a dozen states...I adjust easily to a new place. She didn't and it turned into a disaster. Got depressed, hated her "new life", began to resent me for "doing this to" her (even though she was thrilled at the time). Here come the arguments, as you can imagine. Quickly the relationship fell apart. One day, she packed up and left and we're over. She's moved back in with her parents and is trying to figure out how to re-establish her life.
So... two questions....
1) Does anyone see a way I can repair this? Jobs like the one I have are extremely rare... it took me 10 years to get the one I have and I doubt I'd have much luck finding another. So, moving back would cost me my career plus the friends I've made here, the house that has become my home (and I'd have trouble affording selling the house, moving again, etc).... Her and I still talk frequently but she's by no means still feeling the love towards me... she thinks I screwed up her life (gone from job+apartment at 27 to no job+living with parents at 30).
2) Assuming I can't repair it, now I'm stuck with the life (family sedan, career, house, suburbia...) of a 30 something married father and back on the dating scene. I'd be shock to find a woman my age within 25 miles without a ring on her finger. I love living here but I flat out don't fit in. Every friend of mine has kids. Downtown is about a 40 minute drive from me, there are singles there... but it seems every guy I'm "competing" with has a cool condo in the city... and here I am with my boring home out in the suburbs. As far as finding someone new in this situation.... Any advice? Tips? Thoughts?
Seems like my only options are to throw away all I've worked for and move back to try to repair things with GF (who I still feel like is the "one" for me... can't even express how much I love that woman) or give up the adult suburbia life to go find someone to then recreate adult suburbia life with again. Neither of which seem very appealing. Thanks for your input everyone!
Been in your position. You have to decide if you want a dream job and live in a place with incompatible friends and no girlfriend at the time, or if you want to go back home to a girlfriend who will still be pissed at you for disrupting her life, but have your old friends back and some sort of job.
You will find a new girlfriend and you will just have to try to find compatible friends if you stay.
You could rent out your house to a family. You could rent an apt in the city.
When you marry, move back into your house.
Now, there's an idea! You could hire a property management company to handle the house, vet the renters, deal with any legalities should it become necessary, take the whole landlord headache off your hands, rent a 1-br. closer to downtown, and still come out ahead, possibly. But you said you love where you are. I think you'll do fine, OP. Women are impressed by guys who put down roots and show responsibility by going into homeownership. What you need to do is figure out where the women are, the serious, marriage-minded ones like you are, and get out there and circulate. Aside from getting involved in activities in your neighborhood, you could target some venues that attract more of a downtown crowd, as well. Like, join a gym downtown, maybe get involved in volunteering for a local org there, or join a film society or whatever they have in that part of town that sounds interesting. Mix. Mingle. On a regular basis. And be patient. Finding someone who's a good fit takes time. Good luck!
What about your job? Are you in a niche market that is recession proof?
If you are laid off from your job would it be easy to find another one in your same city?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
