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This is going to sound very pathetic but as of a week ago I am single after 5 and a half years and I feel scared and lost in life. Mostly hurt. I was with him since I was 18, I am 24 now. He's the man I lost my virginity to, shared my first apartment with, and has been my absolute best friend through everything. In a way, he's all I've known relationship wise at least.
I mean sure I have friends, but nothing compared to what I had with him.
He came home crying one night, just a wreck. He told me we had to talk and I prepared for the worst because I knew something was very wrong.
He told me he has fallen in love with one of his close female friends. A woman I know of, but don't necessarily *know*. He said he was just with her before he came home and told her how he felt, and she told him she was in love with him too. I being the emotional person I am, completely broke down. I even ran outside and puked at one point, it was very bad. When I asked him if he was still in love with me, he could not say. That's what really hurt.
I think it's something that has happened only recently. I don't think he's been two timing me for months or anything. Question is how can he let himself fall in love with someone else? That kills me.
We talked for a bit, and he said his plans were to basically move his things into her place for now and until he gets his thoughts straight. I asked him if he's going to start dating her and he told me he didn't know - but I'm not dumb, it's obvious he wants her, he's in love with her.
So, he is staying with her now and she is now the best person in his life and his greatest support. Who knows what will happen from there. I can't even get my own thoughts together.
I have been told by his friends that he is a wreck right now and I should be more supportive and understanding and not be so angry, really? I don't want to come off selfish but my feelings have been totally disregarded through out all of this, not his. I think I have a right to feel how I feel, but people are putting me as the bad guy or something.
If anyone here has gone through something like this please give me some advice.
This is going to sound very pathetic but as of a week ago I am single after 5 and a half years and I feel scared and lost in life. Mostly hurt. I was with him since I was 18, I am 24 now. He's the man I lost my virginity to, shared my first apartment with, and has been my absolute best friend through everything. In a way, he's all I've known relationship wise at least.
I mean sure I have friends, but nothing compared to what I had with him.
He came home crying one night, just a wreck. He told me we had to talk and I prepared for the worst because I knew something was very wrong.
He told me he has fallen in love with one of his close female friends. A woman I know of, but don't necessarily *know*. He said he was just with her before he came home and told her how he felt, and she told him she was in love with him too. I being the emotional person I am, completely broke down. I even ran outside and puked at one point, it was very bad. When I asked him if he was still in love with me, he could not say. That's what really hurt.
I think it's something that has happened only recently. I don't think he's been two timing me for months or anything. Question is how can he let himself fall in love with someone else? That kills me.
We talked for a bit, and he said his plans were to basically move his things into her place for now and until he gets his thoughts straight. I asked him if he's going to start dating her and he told me he didn't know - but I'm not dumb, it's obvious he wants her, he's in love with her.
So, he is staying with her now and she is now the best person in his life and his greatest support. Who knows what will happen from there. I can't even get my own thoughts together.
I have been told by his friends that he is a wreck right now and I should be more supportive and understanding and not be so angry, really? I don't want to come off selfish but my feelings have been totally disregarded through out all of this, not his. I think I have a right to feel how I feel, but people are putting me as the bad guy or something.
If anyone here has gone through something like this please give me some advice.
OK, here ya go:
1- First relationships are not supposed to last forever. What has happened was for the good. He didn't do it in a healthy way and should have broken up with you a while back, but his instincts to venture out into other relationships is both healthy and natural.
2- First relationships often end in drama, so this in not uncommon.
3- The ending of first relationships is often filled with regret and back and forth feelings. Because of this, he will probably try to contact you about either getting back together or staying "friends". Neither of these are healthy. The best thing for you is to halt all contact with him and block him from your life. Do not feel guilty about this. You are not supposed to support the person that was your ex.
4- If you are a normal, healthy person, it will take you about 6-8 months to start feeling somewhat normal and happy as a single person. If you do not feel this way by then, seek a little bit of professional counseling to help get you over it.
5- See #3 again. Do not have any contact with him. That is one of the worst things you can do. He broke up with you to be with someone else. The only person to whom you owe anything is yourself. Support yourself in moving on from this.
If he really wanted to get his mind straightened, he'd move in his own place, not move in with that girl.
His friends are obviously trying to help him out by keeping his options open. Do not allow them to convince you on how to feel and act. You are entitled to be beyond upset, mad, whatever. Your now ex bf doesn't get to have the "support, understanding" from you. Cut all communications from those "friends" and the guy.
You've been dumped. Take your time and move on to better prospects. I hope you don't take the jerk back, he's the other girl's problem now.
1- First relationships are not supposed to last forever. What has happened was for the good. He didn't do it in a healthy way and should have broken up with you a while back, but his instincts to venture out into other relationships is both healthy and natural.
2- First relationships often end in drama, so this in not uncommon.
3- The ending of first relationships is often filled with regret and back and forth feelings. Because of this, he will probably try to contact you about either getting back together or staying "friends". Neither of these are healthy. The best thing for you is to halt all contact with him and block him from your life. Do not feel guilty about this. You are not supposed to support the person that was your ex.
4- If you are a normal, healthy person, it will take you about 6-8 months to start feeling somewhat normal and happy as a single person. If you do not feel this way by then, seek a little bit of professional counseling to help get you over it.
5- See #3 again. Do not have any contact with him. That is one of the worst things you can do. He broke up with you to be with someone else. The only person to whom you owe anything is yourself. Support yourself in moving on from this.
Hi thank you for your help. I just want to clarify that he is my first serious relationship, I am not his. He's had a couple of gfs before me, he is a few years older than I am. Not that it matters but I just wanted to mention that.
Even though I'm upset with him at the moment, I wasn't planning on cutting him out of my life 100% I feel weird doing so because he was such a big part of my life. Do you think I should never contact him again?
I really hope it doesn't take 6-8 months just to start feeling normal again. He sort of moved on immediately and into her house with her, is it possible for him to already be feeling okay?
Hi thank you for your help. I just want to clarify that he is my first serious relationship, I am not his. He's had a couple of gfs before me, he is a few years older than I am. Not that it matters but I just wanted to mention that.
Even though I'm upset with him at the moment, I wasn't planning on cutting him out of my life 100% I feel weird doing so because he was such a big part of my life. Do you think I should never contact him again?
I really hope it doesn't take 6-8 months just to start feeling normal again. He sort of moved on immediately and into her house with her, is it possible for him to already be feeling okay?
It is never good to not cut an ex out of your life, especially in the beginning. Trying to keep someone in your life with whom you are not longer romantically involved is a disaster in the waiting. If, after a year of so, you both have completely moved on and circumstances bring you back together in some platonic capacity, thats' usually not a problem. Rare that that happens though.
I promise moving in immediately into her house was not a good thing for him. Is he OK. He probably thinks he is. However, not taking the time to be single and do the introspection that is necessary after the end of a relationship will be very damaging to him in terms of being able to have long-term, stable relationships in the future.
The fact that he is not taking time to figure things out on his own, pretty much guarantees that he is going to think he needs you back sometime in the future. Expect him to pour his hear out about how sorry he is and how he wants another chance. Don't go for it. You will just be postponing the inevitable disappointment that will follow when you eventually break up again.
Right now is a great opportunity to grow yourself as a person and experience some things as a more independent adult woman. Don't let guilt or his being messed up in the head prevent you from taking this tremendous opportunity. It will provide you with the growth you need to have the real lifetime relationship that you can have later on.
Even though I'm upset with him at the moment, I wasn't planning on cutting him out of my life 100% I feel weird doing so because he was such a big part of my life. Do you think I should never contact him again?
I really hope it doesn't take 6-8 months just to start feeling normal again. He sort of moved on immediately and into her house with her, is it possible for him to already be feeling okay?
You need to distance yourself from him for quite a while. You got dumped after 5 years. You're going to mourn the loss for some period of time and go through the whole healing process. Everybody is different but 6 months wouldn't be unusual. Any contact with him is just going to drag out the healing process. You're 24 and at your peak for attracting men so it will happen when you're ready. I'll bet that 5 years from now, you'll look back and think that he did you a huge favor.
This is going to sound very pathetic but as of a week ago I am single after 5 and a half years and I feel scared and lost in life. Mostly hurt. I was with him since I was 18, I am 24 now. He's the man I lost my virginity to, shared my first apartment with, and has been my absolute best friend through everything. In a way, he's all I've known relationship wise at least.
I mean sure I have friends, but nothing compared to what I had with him.
He came home crying one night, just a wreck. He told me we had to talk and I prepared for the worst because I knew something was very wrong.
He told me he has fallen in love with one of his close female friends. A woman I know of, but don't necessarily *know*. He said he was just with her before he came home and told her how he felt, and she told him she was in love with him too. I being the emotional person I am, completely broke down. I even ran outside and puked at one point, it was very bad. When I asked him if he was still in love with me, he could not say. That's what really hurt.
I think it's something that has happened only recently. I don't think he's been two timing me for months or anything. Question is how can he let himself fall in love with someone else? That kills me.
We talked for a bit, and he said his plans were to basically move his things into her place for now and until he gets his thoughts straight. I asked him if he's going to start dating her and he told me he didn't know - but I'm not dumb, it's obvious he wants her, he's in love with her.
So, he is staying with her now and she is now the best person in his life and his greatest support. Who knows what will happen from there. I can't even get my own thoughts together.
I have been told by his friends that he is a wreck right now and I should be more supportive and understanding and not be so angry, really? I don't want to come off selfish but my feelings have been totally disregarded through out all of this, not his. I think I have a right to feel how I feel, but people are putting me as the bad guy or something.
If anyone here has gone through something like this please give me some advice.
he moved straight into the other womans place but doesn't know if he wants to date her? COME ON!!!
And of course HIS friends are supportive of HIM. Don't listen to them or him!!! Focus on yourself, cry, heal and find your inner strength again.
He moves in with her, within a few months to a year, they will break up and he will be running back to the OP. She will take him back and the cycle will repeat.
It sucks OP, but you have to make a clean cut. I'm in the process of doing this myself.
His friends should support him and stop making you feel guilty.
YES you should cut him out of your life, at least for the next several months.
You need time to mature and grow emotionally. Focus on self-awareness and improvement. There's a chance you will be emotionally limited if you just move forward in life without figuring out who you really are, on your own, without this guy to prop you up.
He betrayed you. Hopefully you can cut ties with him quickly, block him on ALL social media, and learn how to be YOU.
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I don't want to come off selfish but my feelings have been totally disregarded through out all of this, not his. I think I have a right to feel how I feel, but people are putting me as the bad guy or something. 
