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Are you all selfish people that never do anything for anyone?
Yes, you help people, but if you want to have a normal healthy life, you do it with people who make healthy choices. You don't enable people who make a series of bad choices. People who live healthy lives generally disassociate from people who make unhealthy choices. Keeping people who make bad choices around you is how you end up with drama and chaos in your life.
Clearly with your parents out of the picture and being raised by her grandparents, you were never instilled with a sense of what healthy boundaries are. Your lack of boundaries are clearly the reason you have so many problems in your life and so little "luck".
Yes, you help people, but if you want to have a normal healthy life, you do it with people who make healthy choices. You don't enable people who make a series of bad choices. People who live healthy lives generally disassociate from people who make unhealthy choices. Keeping people who make bad choices around you is how you end up with drama and chaos in your life.
Clearly with your parents out of the picture and being raised by her grandparents, you were never instilled with a sense of what healthy boundaries are. Your lack of boundaries are clearly the reason you have so many problems in your life and so little "luck".
Well she did state that her parents are probably very disappointed in her, and when they die will leave everything to her siblings and give her nothing.
Yes, you help people, but if you want to have a normal healthy life, you do it with people who make healthy choices. You don't enable people who make a series of bad choices. People who live healthy lives generally disassociate from people who make unhealthy choices. Keeping people who make bad choices around you is how you end up with drama and chaos in your life.
Clearly with your parents out of the picture and being raised by her grandparents, you were never instilled with a sense of what healthy boundaries are. Your lack of boundaries are clearly the reason you have so many problems in your life and so little "luck".
I never said my parents are out of the of the picture. I actually see them just about every day.
But yes, they are disappointed in me because I have not married and stayed married. I am the only one in my family, like many generations, including extended family that has been divorced.
Well she did state that her parents are probably very disappointed in her, and when they die will leave everything to her siblings and give her nothing.
Her parents basically did not raise her. They pretty much abandoned her to be raised by her grandparents. Clearly, pretty much everyone in that family does not have proper boundaries and limits and consequences. That is why she was raised by her grandparents who didn't instill the proper boundaries , limitations, and responsibilities in her parents and wouldn't have done so with her either.
Her parents probably are disappointed in her, but they have no idea the role they played in her dysfunctional life as an adult. I'm pretty sure they would take no responsibility for this. That's how people who turn out children like this act
I never said my parents are out of the of the picture. I actually see them just about every day.
But yes, they are disappointed in me because I have not married and stayed married. I am the only one in my family, like many generations, including extended family that has been divorced.
I wasn't meaning your parents are currently out of the picture. I was meaning they didn't raise you. In your own words, you were mostly raised by your grandparents
I'm a newcomer to this thread, and this forum, but it sounds to me like you're in a small town and you tend to see the same folks over and over. True?
If so, that's a very different situation that most of us are in. In my situation, some of what I see you do would be a bit weird, but the Atlanta metro is quite dissimilar from a small town socially speaking.
No.
I beg to differ. I grew up in a TINY town, and lived and worked in one through my twenties. When I ended a relationship with somebody/they ended one with me, no, I didn't consistently have them over helping me do housework, handyman tasks and yardwork, and I didn't take care of their vehicles for them. It's not "a social part of being in a small community." It's "having no boundaries. "
OP is trying to make a case for "helping people who need help, " but it's really just, from the sound of it, a crutch to maintain ties with unhealthy people following the demise of unstable relationships.
Even if your parents were in the picture, somebody dropped the ball somewhere along the line in terms of you knowing what healthy boundaries are. The guy sleeping on your couch pretty much proved that. Well, actually, most of your post prove that point anyway. Everything from your work dramas to your kids stuff to your house stuff and on and on and on. Very loose or nonexistent boundaries.
The best thing you can do for yourself if you want your life to turn out the way you think it should is to go and buy a few books on boundaries. Then read them multiple times and practice the boundary setting skills you learn from them.
Location: Mableton, GA USA (NW Atlanta suburb, 4 miles OTP)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
No.
I beg to differ. I grew up in a TINY town, and lived and worked in one through my twenties. When I ended a relationship with somebody/they ended one with me, no, I didn't consistently have them over helping me do housework, handyman tasks and yardwork, and I didn't take care of their vehicles for them. It's not "a social part of being in a small community." It's "having no boundaries. "
OK. I'm not defending her behavior or suggesting that it's somehow normal for a small town. I just wanted to get a general feel for her social situation, tho, and in my experience some small town folks are a lot more social (and in and out of each others lives) than I see in suburbia.
And yes, FWIW, it sounds like her definition of "boundaries" is different from what I'm used to also. I'm just getting my bearings here, and I'll defer to experience. :-)
She's got a long history of posting things that show questionable judgment, relationship-wise, and blaming it on just bum luck, versus owning her responsibility for her behavior.
I wasn't meaning your parents are currently out of the picture. I was meaning they didn't raise you. In your own words, you were mostly raised by your grandparents
Because my parents worked outside of the house. My dad was a military officer.
My brother has been married since he was 22.
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