Single Mom should date men without kids? (movies, calling, beautiful)

[Raena77]

Originally Posted by green_mariner

I've seen more blended families work out.

Eh that's your experience.I've seen both situations.And my own father was divorced dad with a kid and my mom married him.And before any one thinks low class families, no he was supervisor at a computer company.

My ex wasn't low class either.

[Faith2187]

Originally Posted by green_mariner

I've seen more blended families work out.

It happens a lot. My mom had my brother oow, married my dad, who was childless and educated and a professional just as she was. My aunt who was a single mother married my uncle who was childless too. A friend of mine just got married to a men without kids. My mom had a friend that was a groupie--she got pregnant by an nfl player and she was very pretty. She went on to marry a man that was featured in Essence magazine as a bachelor(and dude looked good). She was not even educated. Just pretty, and came from an affluent household. This dude had his MBA, and was in a magazine lol.

I mean I know blended families too-but I've seen many cases of childless men that married a single mother. I've never had a man walk away when I told him of my situation or treat me differently, and h*** when I go out I get hollered at and approached more than my childless friends. And often it's the childless men that approach me, and yes these men are similar to me:educated, professional, attractive, and has his ish together. Tall too. I'm way pickier than the op and nope it's not hard to attract these type of men despite me being a single mom that had a child oow. First thing men say when they find out is how responsible I am, how good I look(because I take care of myself and workout 5-6 days a week) so they know I can bounce back after having a baby, and they see that I have a good career, an education, and that I'm intelligent and confident, and they see pics of my son(who is very cute) and think "wow. And she makes cute kids too." Lol. Wish I was joking but I'm not. These men love women that overcome adversity, that are nurturing, responsible, hard working, and that look good and will make cute babies too. Or at least this is what my experiences have been, and my moms too-she's the one that schooled me on this.

Yes obviously the average childless men wants a childless women. However there are childless men who meet the "right" single mother and they decide to see what happens. It isn't an anomaly, and there are many single mothers even pickier than the op(I'm one of them) that don't struggle with men. Truthfully as I've said many times since posting on citydata, I've never had issues getting a man even before my son, and I haven't had issues after him either.

Are there limitations? Yes--its harder to be spontaneous and go out as often and so on. But I just have not had the type of issues with dating the way many of you believe single moms have, idk--I know there are many single moms that do, but honestly based on my experiences and others that have chimed in to talk about their experiences, there are also many of us that don't. I guess it just depends on the woman. Some men want to think that single mothers are forever punished and scorned but nah sorry lol. Not mad at those of you who aren't interested in us though-I understand completely. To each their own. If it's a deal breaker for you then it just is and it's perfectly alright.

[mochamajesty]

Originally Posted by Faith2187

It happens a lot. My mom had my brother oow, married my dad, who was childless and educated and a professional just as she was. My aunt who was a single mother married my uncle who was childless too. A friend of mine just got married to a men without kids. My mom had a friend that was a groupie--she got pregnant by an nfl player and she was very pretty. She went on to marry a man that was featured in Essence magazine as a bachelor(and dude looked good). She was not even educated. Just pretty, and came from an affluent household. This dude had his MBA, and was in a magazine lol.

I mean I know blended families too-but I've seen many cases of childless men that married a single mother. I've never had a man walk away when I told him of my situation or treat me differently, and h*** when I go out I get hollered at and approached more than my childless friends. And often it's the childless men that approach me, and yes these men are similar to me:educated, professional, attractive, and has his ish together. Tall too. I'm way pickier than the op and nope it's not hard to attract these type of men despite me being a single mom that had a child oow. First thing men say when they find out is how responsible I am, how good I look(because I take care of myself and workout 5-6 days a week) so they know I can bounce back after having a baby, and they see that I have a good career, an education, and that I'm intelligent and confident, and they see pics of my son(who is very cute) and think "wow. And she makes cute kids too." Lol. Wish I was joking but I'm not. These men love women that overcome adversity, that are nurturing, responsible, hard working, and that look good and will make cute babies too. Or at least this is what my experiences have been, and my moms too-she's the one that schooled me on this.

Yes obviously the average childless men wants a childless women. However there are childless men who meet the "right" single mother and they decide to see what happens. It isn't an anomaly, and there are many single mothers even pickier than the op(I'm one of them) that don't struggle with men. Truthfully as I've said many times since posting on citydata, I've never had issues getting a man even before my son, and I haven't had issues after him either.

Are there limitations? Yes--its harder to be spontaneous and go out as often and so on. But I just have not had the type of issues with dating the way many of you believe single moms have, idk--I know there are many single moms that do, but honestly based on my experiences and others that have chimed in to talk about their experiences, there are also many of us that don't. I guess it just depends on the woman. Some men want to think that single mothers are forever punished and scorned but nah sorry lol. Not mad at those of you who aren't interested in us though-I understand completely. To each their own. If it's a deal breaker for you then it just is and it's perfectly alright.

Do you agree that it is a one-sided situation though?


And I don't mean just dating - I mean if things get serious. It seems as if the childless parent comes second. I guess that's a topic for another thread.

[LowonLuck]

Once you have kids in any relationship, the adults and their need become second. I will go without so my kids always have what they need.




So I needed a huge favor last night and asked one of the guys, I talked to Saturday, if he could help me. He readily agreed because he was begging to meet me, so we met, he helped me and we went to dinner. I was thinking as friends, because I even explained it as such. He happened to meet my son.

Now he is attached. See this is what happens. Guys meet me and attach themselves. While he does seem like a great guy, I don't need him going out of his way to buy my kids and I Easter presents.

[mochamajesty]

Originally Posted by LowonLuck

Once you have kids in any relationship, the adults and their need become second. I will go without so my kids always have what they need.




.

As a parent, you are expected to do so. That's the thing - they are your kids.


There is a difference between two childless people who decide to have children and make the conscious choice to place the child's needs before their own - and a childless person coming into a relationship instantly second.


Then you have to deal with the children not liking you; not having a bond with the child but you are expected to treat them like your own; having more discretionary income than the parent even though they make more and in some cases having to carry the financial load; all the while you are told to suck it up because 'the children were here first' or whatever. No one thinks of the childless person in this situation - as evidenced by your dismissive post above.

[Faith2187]

Originally Posted by mochamajesty

Do you agree that it is a one-sided situation though?


And I don't mean just dating - I mean if things get serious. It seems as if the childless parent comes second. I guess that's a topic for another thread.

If by one sided you mean that the non-parent will experience more limitations than they ever would with a childless woman, then yes I agree. Ive observed that some single moms do all they can to try to invest as much as they can into the relationship which means to spend more time with the man they began including children into the mix(having the man come over on days when they can't get childcare for dates) and often trying saving weekends alone when the other parent has custody(if it's a joint custody situation) and formal dates for nights when they pay for sitters. This usually translates to seeing each other more often. However because many ocassions call for the men to spend time with the kid involved it means that some of the time spent is not going to be as favorable for him, and he will have to deal with only being able to do things with the two of them based on her schedule. He will also not get the same type of emotional investment in the beginning as he may with a childless women that has more time and perhaps more love to give to him(since she isn't pouring her heart into little ones). Overall he will not have the same relationship experience with this woman that has children, then he does with a woman that does not. And again that's even if the single mom
Is doing what I said and seeing him more often.

I've had issues maintaining relationships with men because I was not even willing to do the above(make effort to see him more often) and i have a unique situation in that my son has a nanny who is so flexible that usually I can tell her the day of and she is available and will also watch him all night. Yet I did not utilize this option because I didn't feel like going above and beyond to drop everything to make him feel more wanted. Mainly because I just wasn't ready for that type of work and commitment that the men wanted and am semi-phobic to commitments anyway lol, but I know many moms that--even without the same advantage of having a sitter on call--manage to try to find ways to make it happen. I don't do sleep-overs with men that aren't a fiancé lol--so this was something that also bothered the last man I dated. For some single moms that don't have anyone to watch their children at night, they just have the guy sleep over and leave before the kids are up. I mean again it's an inconvenience for the man in most cases even with the mother trying all the time. But if the mother is at least trying all the time, and is more stable and financially secure, I've noticed that the men don't mind it as much as they do if it's an unstable single mother that not only struggles with making time,but with everything else in their lives too, has a lot of drama and so on, which can be burdensome for the man involved.
It also depends on the type of mother the woman is-some women do put men before their children, others don't, others do their best to try to make the man not feel second place.
I think the average young childless man would not enjoy this type of relationship and it makes sense why they would not. The more kids a woman has and the less stable her situation is, the less attractive she is the more it seems as though it becomes increasingly difficult to actually have quality long term relationships with childless men, but even in those cases I've seen it happen. Ultimately the childless parent has to determine for themselves if they can handle this non-traditional relationship.

[LowonLuck]

Originally Posted by mochamajesty

As a parent, you are expected to do so. That's the thing - they are your kids.


There is a difference between two childless people who decide to have children and make the conscious choice to place the child's needs before their own - and a childless person coming into a relationship instantly second.


Then you have to deal with the children not liking you; not having a bond with the child but you are expected to treat them like your own; having more discretionary income than the parent even though they make more and in some cases having to carry the financial load; all the while you are told to suck it up because 'the children were here first' or whatever. No one thinks of the childless person in this situation - as evidenced by your dismissive post above.

Do you have children?

I don't care what kid we are talking about. Mine, his, or a kid down the street. Kid's needs come before adults. Only selfish, self centered people are worried about coming first.

[Just A Guy]

Originally Posted by LowonLuck

Once you have kids in any relationship, the adults and their need become second. I will go without so my kids always have what they need.




So I needed a huge favor last night and asked one of the guys, I talked to Saturday, if he could help me. He readily agreed because he was begging to meet me, so we met, he helped me and we went to dinner. I was thinking as friends, because I even explained it as such. He happened to meet my son.

Now he is attached. See this is what happens. Guys meet me and attach themselves. While he does seem like a great guy, I don't need him going out of his way to buy my kids and I Easter presents.

One of the guys you talked to Saturday? Like from OLD?

Why did you need him to help you?

What do you mean he's attached?

[gazzaa2]

Originally Posted by mochamajesty

Do you agree that it is a one-sided situation though?


And I don't mean just dating - I mean if things get serious. It seems as if the childless parent comes second. I guess that's a topic for another thread.

A childless parent must know going into a relationship with a single mother that he's always going to be second priority at best. That's how it should be, but it's also going to put men off.

[Ginge McFantaPants]

Originally Posted by LowonLuck

Once you have kids in any relationship, the adults and their need become second. I will go without so my kids always have what they need.




So I needed a huge favor last night and asked one of the guys, I talked to Saturday, if he could help me. He readily agreed because he was begging to meet me, so we met, he helped me and we went to dinner. I was thinking as friends, because I even explained it as such. He happened to meet my son.

Now he is attached. See this is what happens. Guys meet me and attach themselves. While he does seem like a great guy, I don't need him going out of his way to buy my kids and I Easter presents.

And the boundary issues resurrect themselves again.