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9/10 of the replies are just piling on the usual knee jerk "cheaters are scum of the earth", instead of responding to the o.p.'s thoughts. Can we just for one thread get past the obvious? Men and women are very different, just in case some of you haven't noticed. You can insist otherwise till the cows come home but it won't make it true. A study was recently done where men and women were propositioned by total strangers of the opposite sex. Almost all the men went for the bait. NONE of the women did. None.
However, in real life, cheating situations rarely involve total strangers, and when/if a woman cheats on a man chances are GOOD that it will be someone he knows very well. And chances are GOOD that her heart is gone to that man that she is knocking boots with. In other words "its over pal", sorry you had to find out this way. Guys cheat because they could, and in many cases the primary relationship or marriage could in fact be salvaged afterwards. More women should learn from Hillary Clinton. If she had dumped her lowlife cheating scum of a husband she would not now have one of the best in the business running her campaign for the White House.
No one should be a doormat, but men and women both should try not to be hasty. Americans marry too early and too easily. Both conditions make a cheating scenario almost inevitable. I met my second wife at 46 y.o. I am 57 now, have never cheated, and might just make it till death us do part totally faithful. Had we met at 22 and I had never had any other woman but her... ... seriously... ya think? But this is exactly what many of you expect. That young people in their 20's should behave with the maturity and decency of middle aged people with a lot to lose. It isn't reasonable.
I agree with your last paragraph but your middle paragraph has been thoroughly debunked: Skeptic » Reading Room » Sex, Jealousy & Violence: A Skeptical Look at Evolutionary Psychology
Women who are emotionally unsatisfied have emotional affairs. Only women who are sexually unsatisfied engage in sexual infidelity. It's pretty much a myth that women engage in infidelity because they've fallen for someone else. The motive is usually either that the couple has become sexless, or it is as my former friend who is now 30 and with the same guy, but who used to cheat on him from 20-24 put it, the motive is 'same-d**k syndrome.'
"David Buss claims to have the answer: while women can’t increase the quantity of their offspring through extramarital affairs, as men can, they can increase the quality of their offspring. A woman can harvest “good genes” from an extramarital sex partner, and those good genes can provide her offspring with better health, superior disease resistance, and greater attractiveness to the opposite sex. Moreover, as long as she keeps the affair concealed, a woman who has an extramarital affair with a male with good genes gets the reproductive benefits of both worlds: She obtains superior genes for a child who can then be reared on the resources provided by her cuckolded long-term mate with inferior genes. “Some women pursue a ‘mixed’ mating strategy,” says Buss, “ensuring devotion and investment from one man while acquiring good genes from another."
Interesting... So while a woman can find a long term mate for security and resources they can seek another for superior quality genes? I've been told that attraction is rooted in sensing a good genes.
PS> I've never met a single woman who got emotionally invested in a relationship and not become sexual with their partner. I can only conclude that a married woman will experience no difference except at the risk of her current relationship.
"David Buss claims to have the answer: while women can’t increase the quantity of their offspring through extramarital affairs, as men can, they can increase the quality of their offspring. A woman can harvest “good genes” from an extramarital sex partner, and those good genes can provide her offspring with better health, superior disease resistance, and greater attractiveness to the opposite sex. Moreover, as long as she keeps the affair concealed, a woman who has an extramarital affair with a male with good genes gets the reproductive benefits of both worlds: She obtains superior genes for a child who can then be reared on the resources provided by her cuckolded long-term mate with inferior genes. “Some women pursue a ‘mixed’ mating strategy,” says Buss, “ensuring devotion and investment from one man while acquiring good genes from another."
Interesting... So while a woman can find a long term mate for security and resources they can seek another for superior quality genes? I've been told that attraction is rooted in sensing a good genes.
PS> I've never met a single woman who got emotionally invested in a relationship and not become sexual with their partner. I can only conclude that a married woman will experience no difference except at the risk of her current relationship.
Actually no... not convinced but I got distracted by kids... didn't get much farther. Will read more. I know relationship and sexual topics are complex so I am willing to give any article a chance and let it try to make a point.
"David Buss claims to have the answer: while women can’t increase the quantity of their offspring through extramarital affairs, as men can, they can increase the quality of their offspring. A woman can harvest “good genes” from an extramarital sex partner, and those good genes can provide her offspring with better health, superior disease resistance, and greater attractiveness to the opposite sex. Moreover, as long as she keeps the affair concealed, a woman who has an extramarital affair with a male with good genes gets the reproductive benefits of both worlds: She obtains superior genes for a child who can then be reared on the resources provided by her cuckolded long-term mate with inferior genes. “Some women pursue a ‘mixed’ mating strategy,” says Buss, “ensuring devotion and investment from one man while acquiring good genes from another."
Interesting... So while a woman can find a long term mate for security and resources they can seek another for superior quality genes? I've been told that attraction is rooted in sensing a good genes.
Consider how many incidents of cheating result in babies: a very low percentage, I'd wager, probably in the single digits. And if cheating were simply about "harvesting good genes" (lol), the cheating would stop once pregnancy was achieved.
Consider how many incidents of cheating result in babies: a very low percentage, I'd wager, probably in the single digits. And if cheating were simply about "harvesting good genes" (lol), the cheating would stop once pregnancy was achieved.
And her plans will be foiled if she ends up being of those broads who conceives fraternal twins by two different dudes.
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I don't think there is any difference when either gender does it. It's wrong.
I was once asked if I would leave my husband if he cheated. At that point in time, my husband and I had been married for over 25 years already. So, I answered, "No. I'm not walking away from 25 years of love and happiness over a single mistake. I would be hurt, and we would definitely have trust issues for a while, but I wouldn't just walk away."
I think couples with kids should think about if their relationship can be salvaged. It's in their kids best interest, if it can.
Mainly I think, if anyone isn't ready for a commitment, and knows those wedding vows stand a snowballs chance in Hell of ever seeing any success at all, then they shouldn't lie to themselves, and their partner, and get married to begin with.
I don't think its worse when either gender does it, but I do think both genders share the perspective that the male is the most likely to do it. Which in no way means a woman won't do it, but the general perception is that the woman wont cheat, and the man is almost expected to cheat.
I am talking about people who are already married, however. When someone is just dating, going steady, being exclusive, or whatever - walk away. You might find someone more trustworthy.
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