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Hey everyone, I'm looking for some honest and constructive advice about my relationship. Lately I've been thinking about going to therapy to learn how to manage my emotions better but I'm going to try and work on myself before I take that step.
I'm a 22 yo female and I'm finishing up my last semester of college. I met my boyfriend, he's 26, in September and we've been together ever since. As a whole the relationship has been great and we've both recently told each other 'I love you' which is a big deal for me because this is the first time I've been in love.
However, I have some flaws. I'm a very smart and self aware individual and I'm notorious for over thinking. I've been this way for as long as I can remember. I often over analyze and over react. Often times I can't tell if my reactions are justified or if I'm overreacting. This has caused some uncomfortable situations for my boyfriend and I and I'm fearing that at this point I'm ruining our relationship. I don't want to place all of the blame on myself, because relationships take two, but this is my downfall. Here's an example:
Last night (Thursday) my boyfriend and I met at an oyster bar. I had told him on Wednesday not to make plans on Sunday because I had to go home this weekend but would be back on Sunday so him and I could hangout. We try to hangout 2-3 times a week (usually 2). He said okay. Fast forward to the bar. He says to me "I got tickets today to a red sox game on Sunday, when will you be coming back?" I said 1 pm, but the game starts at around 11 am. So he goes "Okay I'll go with my friends instead then." He completely blew me off when we had prior plans. So then I get upset because I feel like he doesn't care about me and basically ruin the whole evening because once I'm upset I can't not be upset unless he apologizes. I wish I wasn't like this. Similar situations have occurred. I think I get sensitive because he means so much to me and I would never blow him off. When he asks me to hangout I clear my schedule and really look forward to seeing him and I feel like he doesn't do the same for me.
I'm dealing with a lot of guilt because of my behavior. Sometimes he really does do/say hurtful things but I wish I dealt with it better and was stronger. I don't want to be like this anymore. How do I learn how to control my emotions and not let them ruin my night or my relationship?
Last edited by pineapplelemonade; 04-15-2016 at 03:18 PM..
Hey everyone, I'm looking for some honest and constructive advice about my relationship. Lately I've been thinking about going to therapy to learn how to manage my emotions better but I'm going to try and work on myself before I take that step.
I'm a 22 yo female and I'm finishing up my last semester of college. I met my boyfriend, he's 26, in September and we've been together ever since. As a whole the relationship has been great and we've both recently told each other 'I love you' which is a big deal for me because this is the first time I've been in love.
However, I have some flaws. I'm a very smart and self aware individual and I'm notorious for over thinking. I've been this way for as long as I can remember. I often over analyze and over react. Often times I can't tell if my reactions are justified or if I'm overreacting. This has caused some uncomfortable situations for my boyfriend and I and I'm fearing that at this point I'm ruining our relationship. I don't want to place all of the blame on myself, because relationships take two, but this is my downfall. Here's an example:
Last night (Thursday) my boyfriend and I met at an oyster bar. I had told him on Wednesday not to make plans on Sunday because I had to go home this weekend but would be back on Sunday. We try to hangout 2-3 times a week (usually 2). He said okay. Fast forward to the bar. He says to me "I got tickets today to a red sox game on Sunday, when will you be coming back?" I said 1 pm, but the game starts at around 11 am. So he goes "Okay I'll go with my friends instead then." He completely blew me off when we had prior plans. So then I get upset because I feel like he doesn't care about me and basically ruin the whole evening because once I'm upset I can't not be upset unless he apologizes. I wish I wasn't like this. Similar situations have occurred. I think I get sensitive because he means so much to me and I would never blow him off. When he asks me to hangout I clear my schedule and really look forward to seeing him and I feel like he doesn't do the same for me.
I'm dealing with a lot of guilt because of my behavior. Sometimes he really does do/say hurtful things but I wish I dealt with it better and was stronger. I don't want to be like this anymore. How do I learn how to control my emotions and not let them ruin my night or my relationship?
"Working on yourself" before getting therapy is like cleaning the house before the maid comes over.
Why wait ? You can start getting help in regulating your emotions and insight into your place in the world next week.
"Working on yourself" before getting therapy is like cleaning the house before the maid comes over.
Why wait ? You can start getting help in regulating your emotions and insight into your place in the world next week.
I have no time or money for therapy at the current moment between school, work and grad school applications so I'd like advice first but I will be looking into it after my grad school applications are complete.
Last night (Thursday) my boyfriend and I met at an oyster bar. I had told him on Wednesday not to make plans on Sunday because I had to go home this weekend but would be back on Sunday. We try to hangout 2-3 times a week (usually 2). He said okay. Fast forward to the bar. He says to me "I got tickets today to a red sox game on Sunday, when will you be coming back?" I said 1 pm, but the game starts at around 11 am. So he goes "Okay I'll go with my friends instead then." He completely blew me off when we had prior plans.
Wait, so you're saying that he blew you off and doesn't care about you because he's going to do something without you that you're not even available to do? Why can't he go to the ball game and hang out with you later?
Last night (Thursday) my boyfriend and I met at an oyster bar. I had told him on Wednesday not to make plans on Sunday because I had to go home this weekend but would be back on Sunday. We try to hangout 2-3 times a week (usually 2). He said okay. Fast forward to the bar. He says to me "I got tickets today to a red sox game on Sunday, when will you be coming back?" I said 1 pm, but the game starts at around 11 am. So he goes "Okay I'll go with my friends instead then." He completely blew me off when we had prior plans.
But you did not have prior plans.
You had NO plans.
Quit hassling him about going out with his friends... especially when he asked you first.
"I have no time or money for therapy at the current moment" means that this is not a priority for you right now. Hopefully the boyfriend lasts until you DO make therapy a priority....
Wait, so you're saying that he blew you off and doesn't care about you because he's going to do something without you that you're not even available to do? Why can't he go to the ball game and hang out with you later?
I'm sure that would be nice but he never mentioned seeing me later in the day. I thought maybe he forgot I had asked him not to make plans Sunday.
But you did not have prior plans.
You had NO plans.
Quit hassling him about going out with his friends... especially when he asked you first.
"I have no time or money for therapy at the current moment" means that this is not a priority for you right now. Hopefully the boyfriend lasts until you DO make therapy a priority....
I don't understand, we DID have plans to hangout. I told him not to make plans and it was very understood that we were going to hangout on Sunday. Just because we didn't have a lunch reservation etc doesn't mean he's free for the day when I had already asked him not to make plans.
I have no time or money for therapy at the current moment between school, work and grad school applications so I'd like advice first but I will be looking into it after my grad school applications are complete.
You're going to have to make some if you really want to work on "you"
Provided you have insurance a session with someone once a week for an hour only costs around $30
I don't understand, we DID have plans to hangout. I told him not to make plans and it was very understood that we were going to hangout on Sunday. Just because we didn't have a lunch reservation etc doesn't mean he's free for the day when I had already asked him not to make plans.
But if you're not going to be available to see him until the afternoon and the game will be over by then so he'll be free, too, what's the big deal? Why not be flexible? Especially since your prior "plans" are to just non-specifically hang out.
But if you're not going to be available to hang out until the afternoon and the game will be over by then so he'll be free, too, what's the big deal?
There is no big deal in that case lol but he never asked me to hangout at night after canceling.
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