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My husband and I are at the point that we’re talking about divorce. We have several issues, but one that keeps causing fights is his cat peeing all over our house. The house was purchased before we were married. I put $20K of my hard earned money into the down payment and repairs. He did not contribute anything, but we were engaged so he was a co-signer on the loan for the house. Now the cat is peeing all over the house and I feel like she’s destroying what I’ve worked so hard for. We’ve tried everything to get her to stop and she won’t. We have two other cats who are perfectly fine and go in their litter boxes. He tells me that I’m heartless for caring so much about our house. I try to explain that it’s going to cost us thousands of dollars to fix everything that she’s destroyed. Am I wrong for wanting to find a new home for this cat? I know it’s bad but I constantly remind him that I’m the one that made the sacrifices needed to get into that house. I was saving for a long time when I met him. I didn't make much money at the time, but I took a lot of pride when I was able to purchase a home. If others tell me that I’m heartless and should be willing to live with a cat that pees everywhere, then maybe I’ll consider changing my mind. However, I don’t think I’m wrong.
I know people have bigger problems than this. I’m not trying to make it sound like my life is horrible. I just want to know if I’m in the wrong for feeling this way.
How long have you two been married? It sounds like you're very different people, with different values in some key areas. One wonders how this marriage happened in the first place.
Honestly, divorce is probably the right choice for you two. But if you're the one making the housepayments, you could lose a share of the house in a divorce settlement. Get yourself a good lawyer.
P.S. Not being on the same page money-wise, in terms of spending styles and savings goals, is one of the two biggest reasons for divorce. It sounds like you two never were on the same page.
I personally think the one who wants out should be the one to leave, but that's likely just me.
Have you tried taking the cat to the vet? Is it a new cat or a new problem with the cat? Is the cat getting old? Regardless of the cat, eventually you are going to have to start shelling out for repairs and maintenance due to aging of the house. What then? Will that be a sacrifice solely on your part too?
What constitutes "trying everything" to get the cat to stop peeing? Have you consulted a professional? I'm not a cat person but I would NEVER give up my dog.
No. You're not being unreasonable. The cat should go. That is all.
My two bits on the house....If you paid up front for the down payment on the house you ought to stay, but I know that one gets tricky. It'll be hard to kick him out if he doesn't want to go. I realize my opinion has no bearing whatsoever, but I hope it at least makes you feel a tiny bit better.
Take the cat to the vet, there may be a medical issue you can't see. After that, try counseling. You two have some serious issues that can't be fixed on an internet forum.
Well, from the wife (and it seems like mother) of a 58 year old who sounds a lot like your husband, no, I think you're 100% in the right, to be honest. I've been where you're at - in some ways I AM where you're at right now - so you have my complete sympathies. And total understanding.
The cat situation I can't help with short of asking if you've taken it to the vet to see if there's a non-behavior related condition that is causing this - maybe the cat is sick?
Finally, yes, people do have bigger problems than this. SO WHAT? This is a problem for you! You are entitled to feel how you feel, and you're entitled to talk about it! You don't need validation from anyone, nor do you owe apologies to anyone!!!
Cats are very clean animals, they don't just pee around for no reason. She either has a medical condition or doesn't like the smell of the litter box or you aren't cleaning the box often enough or she is scared to go into the small opening or doesn't like where it is located at.
But I don't think the cat moving out will make much of a difference in your relationship. You don't sound like you love your husband anymore, or am I wrong?
No. You're not being unreasonable. The cat should go. That is all.
My two bits on the house....If you paid up front for the down payment on the house you ought to stay, but I know that one gets tricky. It'll be hard to kick him out if he doesn't want to go. I realize my opinion has no bearing whatsoever, but I hope it at least makes you feel a tiny bit better.
Why would it be hard to kick him out? If the judge determines the house should be sold with the proceeds divided, they both have to go. If the judge determines for whatever reason that she should get the house, the court will require him to vacate. End of story. If he were to stay in the house, he'd have to take over the housepayments, which he couldn't afford, so he'd be out, anyway.
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