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You are young so time is your biggest asset. However, as was mentioned by fleetiebelle, you need to develop a plan to help reign in your extreme shyness and social anxiety if you are unable to converse with women. You are not even close to being a full, active participant in all the options that are out there. After graduation you should have the confidence to meet and deal with many types of people, from bosses to a possible partner.
What you are struggling with can easily become a lifelong paralyzing problem, so I hope you will treat it as priority number one. Life is to be enjoyed, not merely endured. You mentioned that you were in therapy for these issues while in college ... may I ask what the assessment of the therapist was?
I'm not sure what you mean by assessment, but I told her I had social anxiety and she agreed. I basically had little challenges that I'd do every week like making eye contact with people. I made a lot of improvements at first, but when the challenges started getting harder and actually requiring me to talk to people, I just couldn't do them. We would talk about why am having issues etc... We couldn't break that barrier tho.
I might not even bother getting a job if I can't get a girlfriend anyways. What's the point of working if you are going to be miserable anyways? As for joining community organizations, that could be a good idea, but from my experience doing volunteer work, it's all highschoolers and old retired folks.
With that type of fatalistic attitude, you could be in a for a long, lonely journey.
So you can't work, presumably can't live independently and cannot form platonic relationships with people? I think you need to find another psychiatrist.
I can work easy jobs. I can have platonic relationships if the other person initiates everything until I'm comfortable with them (happened a lot when I was younger). Most poeple as adults aren't willing to put in that effort and just assume I'm not interested tho.
With that type of fatalistic attitude, you could be in a for a long, lonely journey.
I'm sorry, but the sole motivator for anything in life as a man is to get women. It's hard to have any sort of ambition when getting women seems so futile.
Therapy helped slightly in some areas but not enough to actually form relationships with people. I tried dozens of meds. None of them did anything. I even tried hard stuff like alcohol and mdma and was still too inhibited to talk to people.
I was just making a point that I was surrounded by beautiful women and still couldn't get a gf. I wouldn't mind having a average gf, but they are not anymore approachable than the hot ones. And even ugly girls are taken by my age (22). I couldn't be friends/date them because of social anxiety. It would only work if they approached me and initiated everything. I couldn't join clubs because I had no friends and didn't want to join one alone because of my crippling social anxiety.
As for a job. I don't know what I am going to do. I just want something that i can handle with my degree of anxiety (not very many options). I might not even bother getting a job if I can't get a girlfriend anyways. What's the point of working if you are going to be miserable anyways? As for joining community organizations, that could be a good idea, but from my experience doing volunteer work, it's all highschoolers and old retired folks.
The main point of clubs is to join alone so that you can make friends. One reason you're not past the social anxiety is because you're avoiding situations that would help you curb it. You need to force yourself. Did you try valium? (Not a good idea to use that regularly, I was just wondering if you tried it and if it helped.)
More excuses, OP, regarding volunteering, etc. If course it's not highschoolers and older folks. (Granted, I don't know where you live, but if there are 20- and 30-somethings in your town, some will be out there, participating in community stuff.) Volunteer for enviro orgs or political action groups. Volunteer to canvas leading up to the election. That would be a great exercise for you, because you're basically just using a canned spiel, so you don't have to worry about what to say, yet you'd be interacting with people, so you'd see it's not so scary. I highly recommend this. And you'd get to know your fellow volunteers a little, too.
Join a soccer or volleyball league (co-ed, of course). Check out your local Parks Dept. to see what activities they sponsor. Read your town's weekly events calendar (in the newspaper, online) to see what activities there are that are geared toward people your age. Join a film society or volunteer for a film or art festival to help set it up, or work on publicity, or whatever. You might find something that incorporates skills you're good at, which would give you some confidence going into the project.
You said you're serious about getting over your tendency to isolate and your anxiety, so we're taking you at your word. You'll have to push yourself, and over time, you'll see there's nothing to be afraid of. Also, see if you can get some therapy. Maybe your parents will help pay, or if you get health insurance, it might cover mental health care. Having some support for your efforts, someone rooting in your corner, would help.
P.S. What's the point of getting a job, you ask? How were you planning on supporting yourself? Where are you living now--are you planning to live with your parents the rest of your (or their) life? Do they know about your crippling anxiety?
Therapy helped slightly in some areas but not enough to actually form relationships with people. I tried dozens of meds. None of them did anything. I even tried hard stuff like alcohol and mdma and was still too inhibited to talk to people.
I was just making a point that I was surrounded by beautiful women and still couldn't get a gf. I wouldn't mind having a average gf, but they are not anymore approachable than the hot ones. And even ugly girls are taken by my age (22). I couldn't be friends/date them because of social anxiety. It would only work if they approached me and initiated everything. I couldn't join clubs because I had no friends and didn't want to join one alone because of my crippling social anxiety.
As for a job. I don't know what I am going to do. I just want something that i can handle with my degree of anxiety (not very many options). I might not even bother getting a job if I can't get a girlfriend anyways. What's the point of working if you are going to be miserable anyways? As for joining community organizations, that could be a good idea, but from my experience doing volunteer work, it's all highschoolers and old retired folks.
This seems to be a bit of an exaggeration - I don't think there are "dozens" of anti-anxiety meds...not even if you include all the various antidepressants.
And you need to accurately gauge your level of appeal. Average girls don't get gorgeous guys...and they know it. Average guys don't get the hotties - they may try but more than likely they get shot down. You may not think that's fair, but dating is about your market value. Now, if you find someone who especially likes your quirks, then you can get a higher price, so to speak. To find those girls, you have to REALLY try. I KNOW for a fact that not all girls are taken.
My guess is that you "approached" a couple girls, but probably didn't actually ask anyone out. You need to approach dozens of girls and get rejected until you don't even care any more. What does it really matter? You don't have a girl NOW, do you? What will it matter if some girls don't want to go out? You ask until you find someone. And you just keep asking. It won't be easy or pleasant. I learned in therapy that people don't change until the feel enough pain that they HAVE to change. You aren't feeling ENOUGH pain if you're not willing to TRY. You haven't hit your bottom - once you do, you know what you need to do.
I'm glad to see that the OP took a mini-break from his own serious issues to contribute to the thread entitled "thinking about somebody else during intercourse." If it helps, by all means offer your insights.
I'm graduating college and have never been on a date (not by choice). There were tons of hot girls in my classes that I would've loved to date. The vast majority were already in LTRs tho. I guess that isn't really relevant, because I would be too scared to talk to them anyway. It feels terrible wanting something so bad for the last decade and still not having it. Not only that, but I'm exiting my youth.
What do I do?? I want a girlfriend more than anything. I'm super lonely and don't even have friends. I am super shy and even went to therapy for it in college. I will probably never be able to get a "real" job because of my social anxiety. I feel like that will turn women off a lot especially as I get older. Am I hopeless? Will I ever find love??
What I really want is just for someone to ask me out or at least someone to set me up with a girl (but i don't have friends for this). I really will never be able to ask a girl out unless she makes it extremely obvious that she's interested. Is this realistic?? Am I going to die alone??
First of all, dont use the name female slayer on dating sites.
Therapy helped slightly in some areas but not enough to actually form relationships with people. I tried dozens of meds. None of them did anything. I even tried hard stuff like alcohol and mdma and was still too inhibited to talk to people.
I was just making a point that I was surrounded by beautiful women and still couldn't get a gf. I wouldn't mind having a average gf, but they are not anymore approachable than the hot ones. And even ugly girls are taken by my age (22). I couldn't be friends/date them because of social anxiety. It would only work if they approached me and initiated everything. I couldn't join clubs because I had no friends and didn't want to join one alone because of my crippling social anxiety.
As for a job. I don't know what I am going to do. I just want something that i can handle with my degree of anxiety (not very many options). I might not even bother getting a job if I can't get a girlfriend anyways. What's the point of working if you are going to be miserable anyways? As for joining community organizations, that could be a good idea, but from my experience doing volunteer work, it's all highschoolers and old retired folks.
Won't you need to support yourself?
Having a healthy relationship is not something which will just magically happen to you somehow. You have to be healthy yourself. Otherwise, no matter how many beautiful women approach you and ask you for a date, as soon as they get a glimpse into your issues, they are going to be frightened off.
You deserve to have a happy life. So, take the first steps. Find a therapist you click with and work on your issues.
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How were you planning on supporting yourself? Where are you living now--are you planning to live with your parents the rest of your (or their) life? Do they know about your crippling anxiety?