Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
a) either quit your job and go with him and enjoy life traveling the world.
b) get used to his travels while you are being sort of single but not really
c) find somebody else.
Laterin the thread they stated spouse not partner so it is not clear if they are married or not.
I see that now, so her position really is not very clear.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610
As far as the employer, I ask again why is it the responsibility of the employer to take a spouse/partner feelings into consideration? The employer hires the employee not their spouse/partner so the general idea is that the employee who was hired and gets paid is mature enough to make their own decisions about their employment. As far as I know the employer never calls the spouse/partner to *ask permission* to hire the employee.
As far as the *risk* of an employee leaving, they can be replaced so the company is only without said employee until someone else is hired, no big deal.
This discussion likely belongs in a different thread. If the employer is willing to risk a potential for high turnover in that position, then they absolutely have that right.
However, as the employee, if I can find a similar job, making a little less money, with less travel, it would be incredibly attractive. The question has to be, is it worth it, as an employer, to do what I can to mitigate potential issues with my employees family or would it be just the same to deal with the risk. We don't know exactly what the job is, but if it is bringing in a good profit margin for the company, sacrificing a couple of plane tickets now and then seems like a small price to pay to keep my employees happy.
Of course, there are limitations - the travel would have to be fairly distant and long-term to warrant that effort.
Retention, primarily. But again, it is complicated by the fact they aren't married.
An employer can handle things the way they would like, but if they continually separate people from loved ones, they are risking that employee finding a better job with less travel.
It does bring to mind another couple of questions:
1. How long has the increased travel been going on?
2. Has he indicated he is unhappy with the travel? If he isn't, you have bigger issues to consider.
Quote:
Originally Posted by reds37win
A couple of questions:
1. If he is going to be away that long, is there a possibility you could travel with him? More than likely the room is paid by the company, you would have to fund the plane tickets. He could also ask for additional compensation from his company considering the amount of time he is being separated from you, although that would be complicated if you are not actually married.
2. Have you considered counseling? I would suggest it for yourself, first, to understand the clinging and feeling of separation while he's gone.
3. Do you have any friends or other interests to keep you occupied while he is away?
Hi reds37,
1. It's been going on for awhile now- 10 months ( I know it seems short), but he usually gets back for just a week and gets sent off again. I'm afraid that it's just going to continue happening.
We've dated for a few years now, I live in with him. And we've also expressed and discussed getting married to each other in 2 years and starting a family together. I cant imagine getting married to him and then having to potentially raise kids alone.
2. No, he is happy with the travel. He loves his job and wishes to stay despite all our discussions.There were a couple of times he agreed to make a shift but yeah... He seems to revert to staying again. He has job offers from other companies that are reputable and they've offered him a management position with a pretty good package and less work travel. But he insists on sticking with this job. Like I said, he won't compromise his job for me.
3. Yeah I could travel with him. But I probably could only do it for a couple of weeks as I have work too. He doesnt seem keen on me coming though... we were suppose to discuss flight dates and timings sometime this week, but he's been stalling.
4. Yeah I have friends, but I am quite a homely person.. so I spend my time at home a lot or at cafes sipping my coffee. I have attachment issues and constantly wish he would put me first sometimes, and come home.
Yes I've considered counseling for the separation anxiety and am currently searching for a good one.
This morning, we finally got to talk for a bit on the phone. He told me that his client made the consultants stay up the entire night to work cause they needed models done by today. How unreasonable. When I started bringing up issues like a job change again and how he has been M.I.A for the past week, he started telling me off about how he chooses to stay in his current company or if he did make a shift, he would go to the competitor (there's no difference in the hours then).
Then, he told me that I was annoying for crying on the phone, and that I should suck it up.
He even admitted to displacing his stress from work on me, and that if I were a good partner, I would absorb it and suck it up. He repetitively said this.. and that made the crying worse, which made him say more hurtful things to me again.
I just couldn't believe my ears... this project is turning him into a horrid person.
I see that now, so her position really is not very clear.
This discussion likely belongs in a different thread. If the employer is willing to risk a potential for high turnover in that position, then they absolutely have that right.
However, as the employee, if I can find a similar job, making a little less money, with less travel, it would be incredibly attractive. The question has to be, is it worth it, as an employer, to do what I can to mitigate potential issues with my employees family or would it be just the same to deal with the risk. We don't know exactly what the job is, but if it is bringing in a good profit margin for the company, sacrificing a couple of plane tickets now and then seems like a small price to pay to keep my employees happy.
Of course, there are limitations - the travel would have to be fairly distant and long-term to warrant that effort.
The deal is actually with a VERY HUGE client in the aviation industry. Initially, the partners had promised that the consultants could take a flight back every 10 days- which was one of the reasons why I didnt make a fuss prior to him flying.
Things have changed again. Everything has changed actually. The client on the other hand, have insisted that they be stationed there without flying for a month.
a) either quit your job and go with him and enjoy life traveling the world.
b) get used to his travels while you are being sort of single but not really
c) find somebody else.
No, we live in together and expressed our wishes to get married in 2 years and start a life together.
It's frequent and doesnt seem to be temporary looking at circumstances now.
If you knew he traveled often before you became partners you should have decided before you became partners if his travel was going to be an issue.
If you voluntarily became his partner knowing he traveled he did not *impose* anything on you, you made that choice so do not blame your choice on him.
Why is it the responsibility of the employer to take the employees partner's feelings into consideration?
They employ the employee not their partner and it is up to the employee to deal with any issues their partner may have.
Either accept that things will not change as they haven't the entire time you have been partners or move on, it is that simple.
I didn't know that when I was dating him years ago. He wasn't traveling at all and that point of time, I had also express my issues with distance and separation.
Funny enough, people say all kinds of things during the "honeymoon" stages of a relationship. He told me I'd never have to go through that pain again, and if he did have to travel, he'd always bring me along.
Clearly, that didn't happen over the years, and it's unpractical with me working also.
So I didn't voluntarily become his partner knowing that he traveled. He just happened over the years.
I'm not saying the employer is expected to deal with the employees' families/spouses/partners.
Im just saying that the client is really anal about phones, he doesn't let any of them glance at their phone even for a second.. there's a NO PHONE POLICY in the room.
So, what happens if one of the consultants has a family emergency? Would they know about it? noo... cause they can't even look at their phones.
I read through all of that thinking you were married. Your not. Time to take a long, hard, honest look at whether you can continue in this relationship given the demands of his employment.
Knowing a few people in similar positions, his travel will not change. If anything it will increase.
Thanks. I thought so too.
We live in together though and have expressed our wishes to get married and start a life together in 2 years.
So this is a pretty difficult and emotional decision to make.
You ask how his clients can be so inconsiderate - how can your PARTNER be so inconsiderate?! Certainly if he puts no limits on the travel he says he is willing to do, no one else will either. They're perfectly satisfied to have him work 24 hours a days crossing the globe.
You say you are not dependent on him - that's great because it gives you options. You need to learn just how much discretion he has in taking his assignments - honestly. And then discuss if he is willing to negotiate with you and with them on a more reasonable schedule. He may have a lot more say than it appears but he just doesn't care/mind last minute plans. If he is unwilling to discuss with you then you need to decide if this is how you want to live - especially since you're not married.
How do you even get along when he's in town and at home with you? Does it make up at all for the travel or is he just as distracted even then? What are the pluses in this relationship and how much do they offset the negatives?
When he's back, he's a good man. He's giving, understanding and considerate. But the moment he flies overseas, he's insensitive and pretty much always MIA and uncontactable. So everytime I start to think that we can build it up again, he gets called away.
I've tried, I've really tried to get him to compromise on his schedule. But he always dismisses me by saying he really doesn't have a choice. He doesn't want to to get fired and he loves his job. He regards himself as a high performer and making a fuss about it to his partners would make him look like a "diva" (in his words)..
When he's back, he's a good man. He's giving, understanding and considerate. But the moment he flies overseas, he's insensitive and pretty much always MIA and uncontactable. So everytime I start to think that we can build it up again, he gets called away.
I've tried, I've really tried to get him to compromise on his schedule. But he always dismisses me by saying he really doesn't have a choice. He doesn't want to to get fired and he loves his job. He regards himself as a high performer and making a fuss about it to his partners would make him look like a "diva" (in his words)..
His job is very important to him and the industry is such that they don't care about families - probably about 100% male.
Sounds like you have little say - except to say you're fine with it (except you are not, and recognize having kids in this situation would not be easy) or you need to move on because of differences.
Your guy is fine with how things are...and you are not - how much and for how long do you want to suffer?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
