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Women don't have it hard in dating at all. I know many of you are gonna tell me I'm wrong but deep down you know women don't have to work as hard when it comes to dating. Men have it harder because they have to go through rejection more.
It is actually really awkward and uncomfortable to turn someone down, when you have been socialized all your life to be kind to others. A lot of guys seem to feel you owe them something, even when they are complete strangers.
There is also the issue of paying for the first date, where if you insist on paying half you are a feminist witch and if you let them pay, you owe them something.
Then there is also that guy that you give a chance over your best intuition, and then when you decide after a couple of dates that it just isn't going to work, he goes nuts and starts following you around, bombarding your phone with calls from different numbers, and scaring the crap out of you by showing up random places.
It is actually really awkward and uncomfortable to turn someone down, when you have been socialized all your life to be kind to others. A lot of guys seem to feel you owe them something, even when they are complete strangers.
The guys who approach women are used to rejection. You just need to be polite about it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Celestyn
There is also the issue of paying for the first date, where if you insist on paying half you are a feminist witch and if you let them pay, you owe them something.
Offer to pay half. If a guy insists then that's up to him. You don't owe him anything.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Celestyn
Then there is also that guy that you give a chance over your best intuition, and then when you decide after a couple of dates that it just isn't going to work, he goes nuts and starts following you around, bombarding your phone with calls from different numbers, and scaring the crap out of you by showing up random places.
The person's a freak with severe mental health problems. Thankfully not the norm.
1. The choice paradox. Pre 1900 your dating opportunities were limited to 20 or less single people that you saw around on a somewhat regular basis. Options were clear and it allowed one to develop an attraction to an otherwise average looking person over a period of time. Now automobiles, airplanes, and the interweb expose you to thousands and make it so you rarely see the same person twice.
2. media bombardment of exceptionally attractive people skewing expectations into the unrealistic zone.
3. a lack of economic incentive for women to settle for a hard working but boring guy. Most women now make as much as men, the ones that don't can fall back on a vast social welfare network.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hunterseat
The blurred lines between the differences between women and men, right and wrong, correct and incorrect. We are being socially engineered by politicians and media to be whatever benefits them the most. Traditional values don't stand a chance.
Traditional values don't stand a chance? My question as a progressive, why should they stand a chance?
Relying on too much technology and social media.
Head games.
Insecurities.
Need for instant self gratification.
Also it's not about who has it harder. Both men and women have their struggles. In my personal experience, I just don't connect with a lot of people. I don't consider that a struggle. It just is. According to other people I should be dating or have had a handfull of bfs by now.
In the context of relationships, lack of introspection and understanding of what makes for a compatible relationship. I think compatibility, or lack thereof, is huge, and I think many not only lack the introspection needed for personal growth, but the kind needed to truly know who you are and what you want. I think many still idealize the way relationships used to be, or the way they were formed in years' past, because that's how it was for our parents and grandparents. They idealize these relationships without realizing even those relationships were flawed because the basis for many of these relationships were based on specific cultural customs developed from dogmatic religious tenets.
"Compatibility" beyond both partners being pleasant, wanting a spouse, wanting/planning for children, etc., fulfilling specific duties based on gender roles, was nonexistent for many couples. Women, as a whole, didn't have options, at least not the kind we have today. For many, their opinions didn't matter. They were expected to find a "nice guy" (translations: Christian) with wholesome values from a "nice, well respected" family.
I remember asking my parents about their relationships and whether they were compatible. Even my father, married to my stepmom for 24 years now, stated the two are not compatible in many areas, but the area that matters most to them, their faith, they are very compatible. But they still fought a lot when I was growing up, and were close to divorce many, many times. Their reason for staying together? Familiarity, finances and children.
Many poopoo having criteria or a checklist. I think not being selective enough, and just being in a relationships because someone is "nice, fun, interesting and there's mutual chemistry" can eventually lead to issues. Because many people can and do experience these things in relationships, but once the newness wears off, the novelty of being with someone new fades, what are you left with? When life happens and you're not doing "fun" things, and things aren't warm and fuzzy, then what? I can do fun things with a lot of people. I've dated many men who were nice and fun, but nice and fun don't make for long term compatibility. I think connecting on many levels beyond the basics is paramount for long term compatibility.
I see issues come up due to incompatibility a lot. I see it in many of the groups and forums I'm in. Many of these couples met in high school and college before really knowing the self, before pondering deep questions and issues that come up in relationships. I see many of these women vent or rant about issues that have come up that they didn't discuss during the dating or engagement stage.
Some of these issues don't come up until later, because how many early-mid 20s actually contemplate deep issues or matters that aren't relevant to them? How many think to ask their fiance of two years their thoughts on specific topics of parenting and finances? Most people don't think about these issues until after the fact. Of course, it can be difficult to know one's response or position on an issue until it becomes a topic of conversation. Which is why I think introspection is key. I think knowing oneself well enough to know where they stand on issues that are important to them is key.
My kids are still on the younger side (preteens and younger), but it's important to us to model the kind of relationship I want them to have. I want them to really see the kind of connection we have and why it works the way it does.
What do you believe from both sides of the men and women do you think makes the dating world hard today in terms of dating, hook ups , marriages, stable relationships? Why has it been hard to find a permanent stable relationship in your opinion?
Traditional values don't stand a chance? My question as a progressive, why should they stand a chance?
They shouldn't. Traditional values are only important to traditionalists and puritanicals, which I sure as hell am not. I very much liked having the options I had, and being introspective enough to know what I want, what works for me, what will make for long term compatibility. All of which fall outside traditionalism. Thank Jibbers.
Headgames, playing, trying to take upper hand /leading position.
"I don't text for 2 days so she/he will not think I am too interested/desperate" ... and pffftttt........
Say what you mean, do what you said and stop faking.
All of these social rules that society has placed on us. "Do not call the same day, it will make you look desperate. Make sure you pay for the meals all three times and make sure she at least offers to pay one of those times. "
Some people are probably listening to those rules than being themselves.
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