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Hey ya'll, I'm back to have some more sense knocked into this noggin...
I've been doing the OLD thing since last November, w/10 dates thus far. With the exception of 2 dates, none of them panned out past the initial one, and I'm convinced that it's largely because of my current financial/living situation. Long story short, I'm a late 20's college grad still living at home (in a high COL area) because I currently don't earn enough at my dead-end job to even shack up w/roommates. This might beg the following questions:
"Do you want to move out?" Hell yes, I'm as independent and self-sufficient as I can be given my circumstances. I'm trying my damnedest, but haven't caught a break yet.
"Are you actively looking for better-paying work?" Yes. Have been on a couple of interviews for solidly-paying positions throughout the first half of this year, which didn't pan out despite my best efforts. Still plugging away.
"Are you complacent w/my current situation?" No. It weighs on me almost every day, and doesn't make me feel good about myself despite everything I've busted my ass for (personally and professionally) up until now.
"Why are you even bothering w/dating while you're financially unstable?" Because I'm pretty gosh darn lonely, and don't feel that my life should be put on hold until I'm stable. It's hard to when damn near everyone around you, friends, family, co-workers, are in a relationship of some sort. It sucks...standing still.
Whenever I've brought up my situation in previous dates, it's almost as if the tone of the date changed on cue...for the worse. I got the vibe that my dates lost respect for me (even though I emphasized that I'm not sitting on my hands and working towards something better), or that I lost whatever stock I'd built up to that point (because many of these dates did start off well). Some didn't even bother contacting me after the date and gave me the good 'ol fade.
I've held out hope that perhaps someone would understand that this is where I'm at, but not where I will be (in a couple of months, fingers crossed), but no dice. In the dating pool I'm dead in the water, or so it seems.
Could this be the sole reason behind my uneventful dates? Definitely not, but it's been a common thread across most of them. I have another date coming up soon, and am worried about history repeating itself again...
Ladies, fellow CD'ers, would living at home and/or being financially unstable be a dealbreaker for you? Should I ever lie about my situation? Thanks in advance.
Yes, you inability to support yourself is a concern, especially since you are 29.
You SAY you aren't complacent, but you are actually a LONG way out of college and this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond Stereo
With the exception of 2 dates, none of them panned out past the initial one
Have been on a couple of interviews for solidly-paying positions throughout the first half of this year, which didn't pan out despite my best efforts. Still plugging away.
... is how you describe your situation thus far. It is a very passive way of telling your story.
I remember some of your past threads, and your work history is patchwork. What is your actual job now? Part-time retail??
Yes, you inability to support yourself is a concern, especially since you are 29.
You SAY you aren't complacent, but you are actually a LONG way out of college and this:
... is how you describe your situation thus far. It is a very passive way of telling your story.
I remember some of your past threads, and your work history is patchwork. What is your actual job now? Part-time retail??
Yup, as you recall it has been patchy post-college (I was a late bloomer, graduated at 26), and drama-filled to boot. I'm currently P/T at a non-profit in my line of work; my bosses won't give me a raise or offer me more hours because they prefer to do more with less, for less (and not offer benefits). It sucks because I genuinely my work and admire the company's mission, but the feeling isn't mutual on their part. It's not a job that's suited (at all) for someone trying to stand on his own two feet, but I'm holding on until something better comes along. Even writing about it makes me want to put in my two-weeks notice: that's how bad I want out.
I didn't want to break down each and every date to save the wall of text. Some didn't work due to a complete lack of chemistry that nothing could've saved. Others because I didn't bring my best to the table and shot myself in the foot. But I genuinely feel that a common denominator throughout all of them has been this.
I'm currently P/T at a non-profit in my line of work; my bosses won't give me a raise or offer me more hours because they prefer to do more with less, for less (and not offer benefits). It sucks because I genuinely my work and admire the company's mission, but the feeling isn't mutual on their part. It's not a job that's suited (at all) for someone trying to stand on his own two feet, ...
As a hardcore capitalist, I have to say that yes, this is a huge factor.
It's admirable that you admire their mission. However, dude ... you gotta pay the bills!!!
If you can't get a better-paying FT job, you need to grind at two part-time jobs until you do. Deliver pizzas or Jimmy John's, sort packages at UPS, etc. In fact, you could do one of those and still keep your current gig. Or you can admire the non-profit mission on weekends as a volunteer.
Your age
Your area
The rent on bedroom in a shared situation
Your average monthly income
Thanks.
Sure thing.
1)29
2)NYC
3) Depends on the neighborhood and how far down to the barrel you're willing to race, but from what I've gathered (from friends, co-workers,researching etc): $800-$1K/month is the bare mininum for a room in a shared apartment.
4) It fluctuates, as I'm paid hourly and miss out on pay during holidays and closures (like July 4th for example). Last month I netted just shy over $1,500...(there I go w the "dot dot dot" again) and last month was one of the better ones. :/
Based on the OP's past threads, I'd say it's something more besides his living situation that is turning off these girls.
Women can smell desperation, loneliness, and a guy being 'off' more than some guys give them credit for.
So what if a guy lives at home. That hasn't stopped some of my co-workers in their late 20's from having girlfriends and they still live with their family (they rent out a room).
As a hardcore capitalist, I have to say that yes, this is a huge factor.
It's admirable that you admire their mission. However, dude ... you gotta pay the bills!!!
If you can't get a better-paying FT job, you need to grind at two part-time jobs until you do. Deliver pizzas or Jimmy John's, sort packages at UPS, etc. In fact, you could do one of those and still keep your current gig. Or you can admire the non-profit mission on weekends as a volunteer.
I like this advice, but experience tells me he may pooh-pooh these suggestions, if not outright, then subconsciously.
He stated that he's 'holding on (to crappy non-profit PT job) until something better comes along'. These are the words of someone who is waiting for life to happen to him, not exactly the words of someone with the drive to achieve, the courage to take matters into their own hands if you will.
Very passive. OP, is it possible that this apparent passivity is the reason dates are not 'panning out'?
It's not the "living at home" per se that is a problem.
It's the story that follows that statement. It's one thing to live at home but be employed full time and with a goal of saving for a specific type of place in a specific location.
It's another to live at home getting "some" hours but with no real plan, no sense of urgency or hope. That kind of thing DOES come across.
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Never lie
