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She is clearly still upset with me..... we haven't spoken since last year. We share circles of friends and I hear that she is doing fine.. they keep an eye on her in my absence. Her elder son is starting 1st year in college and I missed out on his graduation from H.S. He has an athletic scholarship.. proud of that even from afar. I used to care for him when he was toddler. She buses into my area for work less and less lately... opting to pickup other jobs (works retail with her younger son). I guess thats' a good thing. Her "other job" is cut throat competitive and there is always someone younger/prettier.
When I see her in passing, my heart still sinks... I am so conflicted on this and my wife knows. She has been very understanding.
I remember when I first started dating after my divorce, I didn't have a car. And I got turned down a lot. I did find one person to date me though, but I had a real positive attitude, and I told her how I needed to get some financial things in order before I got a car. Yes living with your parents and having a job not making decent money, does hurt, and you are probably going to get turned down in favor of guys who have the things you are lacking. However, if you are honest, confident and showing a willing to change your situation, your odds will improve. You have to accept right now, you are going to strike out more than get hits, but it is possible to get some hits. I personally know my fair share of men, who are un employed, no car, and not only get dates, but have girlfriends. They don't have tons of women beating their door, but they are confident enough to get someone and they do. You can do the same, I think if you prove to them you are working improving your situation, you will see better results.
It's not that hard. Fix your personnel issues first before going on dates. No girl on a first date wants to hear sob stories about your living situation or job struggles.
Yes, this. I've been on at least 2 dates where the employment/living situation suddenly has changed or been made more clear after the get-to-know you stage on the phone. Not having a place to live of their own, not currently employed, not having their own car...something where I would wonder whey this wasn't disclosed before the actual meeting.
As a person who has had to start from the very bottom and accept the first job that came their way, hired on the spot and agreed to get to work- then another one because that wouldn't be enough- and sometimes work 70 hours a week just because it was physically possible and there was no other acceptable choice, I don't want to hear sob stories on a date.
While struggling just to survive and function at 2 jobs, I do not remember wondering where I could fit some dating time in! It took years to get to the point where I found the right employment, can pay my bills, have a car, and breathe a sigh of relief. Still paying off student loans, but at least I have a plan!
You're saving for retirement already? You have nothing to retire from!
You're a much better date if you're secure about the basics that make you a productive adult.
Ladies, fellow CD'ers, would living at home and/or being financially unstable be a dealbreaker for you? Should I ever lie about my situation? Thanks in advance.
You shouldn't lie, but neither are you obligated to disclose your entire life on a first date.
Would it be a dealbreaker? Depends. For a casual encounter? No. For long-term? Maybe. Long-term takes time to develop. What you are doing in the meanwhile counts too.
You know Op? Sometimes there just isn't the "right" thing to say or advice to give. Your situation is regrettable and I really hope that you will eventually get on your feet. Right now you're living the "suck" and that's the way it is. When dating, be honest about your situation if asked and she may give you credit for it. And look at it this way, if she still wants to date you at this point in your life, then she really REALLY likes you. Good luck, I mean it!
Well, you definitely have to be honest. Don't start off lying about your situation. A few years ago I really liked a guy I met online who was living with his parents because he had recently sold his house due to a divorce. And then a couple weeks after we met he was laid off from his job. I judged it to be a temporary situation and I was willing to give him a shot because I really liked being around him, but ultimately with so many pieces of his life unsettled he really wasn't in a position to add a relationship into the mix. I ended up being burned by the situation and I probably wouldn't try to date anyone who didn't have their life mostly together.
I don't know the rest of your posting history, but in my opinion you can't really blame women for not wanting to date someone who lives at home and doesn't work full time. I am not being mean and saying you have to sit at home alone, but I really think you should work on improving your situation before trying to find a relationship.
Well, you definitely have to be honest. Don't start off lying about your situation. A few years ago I really liked a guy I met online who was living with his parents because he had recently sold his house due to a divorce. And then a couple weeks after we met he was laid off from his job. I judged it to be a temporary situation and I was willing to give him a shot because I really liked being around him, but ultimately with so many pieces of his life unsettled he really wasn't in a position to add a relationship into the mix. I ended up being burned by the situation and I probably wouldn't try to date anyone who didn't have their life mostly together.
I don't know the rest of your posting history, but in my opinion you can't really blame women for not wanting to date someone who lives at home and doesn't work full time. I am not being mean and saying you have to sit at home alone, but I really think you should work on improving your situation before trying to find a relationship.
I remember when I had to move due to my building being sold I told this girl I could not date her anymore and she got upset. lol I was trying to get my life together but she could not understand that at all.
Five years from now, you'll be here posting the same story unless you make some changes. If I were in your shoes, and couldn't find employment using my degree, I would retrain to another career in a field that is growing, such as computer science, or learn a trade. You are a young, strong male. You don't really have a good excuse, the world is your oyster. You can be uneducated, hang drywall and earn a living wage. You are simply not trying hard enough.
Go after what you want as if your life depends upon it. Because it does.
Being attractive overshadows everything like not having a job, car, or your own place.
No.
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