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His fear around marriage might actually be fears around divorce and the consequences of divorce. This is a fear of many guys that many women downplay because they don't want to entertain the fact that divorce is a very high probability for them.
what's funny is Ive had many conversation with him about what you're asking me right now. He's asked me many times why I think marriage is so important and if I would ever have a kid with someone I wasn't married to. Part of the reason I'm even able to have this conversation about co-parenting is because of the numerous convos we've had. Is this the ideal for men? To have a bunch of children running around and just living their life? No stable partner or wife or anything?
Marriage is made by the two people not by the paper with their signatures on it.
No, marriage is made by the paper with the signatures on it. That's what makes it different from dating. Otherwise, anyone could just say they are married. Your BF knows that.
Using your rationale, you could be "married" right now!
Everyone knows that marriage has its challenges. My question was more about your statement that you NEED to get married because of society and family expectations.
If you want to maintain a healthy dialog with him, you also need to entertain other options other than just marriage. You don't have to ultimately agree to those other options, but they should be on the table. The discussion should be around options and motivations, rather than simply getting married or not.
You're not the one for him,it's ridiculous that you apologised for wanting to know if he's worth investing your time,youth,future etc with,and that you feel terrible about it.Its terrible that disscussing your future freaks him out.
Honestly, it all indicates that you are not "the one",trust me even if he stays with you for another few years, or even caves and marries you ,he will eventually find the "one" who he feels certain about and leave you or cheat on you.
When I read posts of people who cheat, it's often men who were with someone for six or more years and don't want to get married etcetc,finally they meet someone they really like and cheat.
Don't waste your youth on this person.
what's funny is Ive had many conversation with him about what you're asking me right now. He's asked me many times why I think marriage is so important and if I would ever have a kid with someone I wasn't married to. Part of the reason I'm even able to have this conversation about co-parenting is because of the numerous convos we've had. Is this the ideal for men? To have a bunch of children running around and just living their life? No stable partner or wife or anything?
I don't think it is necessarily the ideal and no one should have kids without being informed of all of the legal ramifications of having kids and what happens if you decide to split.
I'm still not getting how you are equating this with non-stability though. Having a kid with a committed guy who just doesn't want to get married is probably more stable than having a kid with a guy and then getting divorced.
Since you had this discussion with him, what conclusions did the two of you come to regarding what would happen with the kids if you did split up?
Since you had this discussion with him, what conclusions did the two of you come to regarding what would happen with the kids if you did split up?
I'm wondering how this is relevant ? It seems a VERY remote possibility for them.
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? It seems a VERY remote possibility for them.
