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So I met this guy at a wedding. Our mutual friends (who were getting married) had told each of us about the other, and I believe we both kind of knew about the other. Anyway, we really hit it off well and ended up spending a day together before he flew home (he lives in New York and I live in Oregon). I didn't think that we'd really continue communication, but we have and it's been about two months. He just told me that he's going to be in Washington for a conference (in three months) and asked if he could come down that weekend after his conference and spend the weekend with me. I was pleasantly surprised, and said yes. We've also been texting every day - every few days for the past two months, and we've talked on the phone a couple times.
I'm not sure what to expect from this situation, or how to approach the whole thing. I'm don't know if he's thinking this is more of a hook-up type situation, or if he's interested in pursuing a relationship. I'm not opposed to a FWB-type situation, but I don't want a long-distance FWB. Plus, I've very much enjoyed our conversations, and I'd like to see where things go.
I get fairly awkward when I'm unsure of what is going on, so I think I've been acting strange around him since he told me he was visiting. I don't want to make the situation weird by bringing this up in conversation, especially if it's my own insecurity. It seems like a long time out from now and I would like to avoid getting my hopes up before he gets here in November. Any advice would be appreciated.
So I met this guy at a wedding. Our mutual friends (who were getting married) had told each of us about the other, and I believe we both kind of knew about the other. Anyway, we really hit it off well and ended up spending a day together before he flew home (he lives in New York and I live in Oregon). I didn't think that we'd really continue communication, but we have and it's been about two months. He just told me that he's going to be in Washington for a conference (in three months) and asked if he could come down that weekend after his conference and spend the weekend with me. I was pleasantly surprised, and said yes. We've also been texting every day - every few days for the past two months, and we've talked on the phone a couple times.
I'm not sure what to expect from this situation, or how to approach the whole thing. I'm don't know if he's thinking this is more of a hook-up type situation, or if he's interested in pursuing a relationship. I'm not opposed to a FWB-type situation, but I don't want a long-distance FWB. Plus, I've very much enjoyed our conversations, and I'd like to see where things go.
I get fairly awkward when I'm unsure of what is going on, so I think I've been acting strange around him since he told me he was visiting. I don't want to make the situation weird by bringing this up in conversation, especially if it's my own insecurity. It seems like a long time out from now and I would like to avoid getting my hopes up before he gets here in November. Any advice would be appreciated.
Actually, why NOT a long-distance FWB? That can be the easiest to keep at "arm's length" and avoid catching feelings if you can't see each other too often.
Of course, if you SAY you want a FWB but you're really hoping for more, that would explain why you don't want something long distance. Consider carefully.
maybe you will get more clarity after you spend the weekend with him in person? it's sometimes tough to just "go with the flow" but maybe you should try to do that until you get this in-person quality time together... i'm a firm believer that in-person time together brings more clarity... perhaps he feels the same exact way - he's not sure where it will go either but he definitely knows he wants to spend time with you so that is good.... after the weekend maybe you could bring it up? good luck!
Remember the old saying that "Abscence makes the heart grow fonder".
It's pretty easy (and normal) to like someone a lot more than normal when you have a great first impression, then dissapear from each other for awhile. Without knowing how strong of a rapport you have with this guy in the long distance convos.......I'd error on the side of caution and only plan a first day with the guy. Take the pressure off of yourself. You'll be able to better evaulate your feelings (and him) once you hang out with him for say, a few hours.
So, in short.....back up. Meet up. Evaulate your feelings then.....and then decide all of the future benefits, or not....
He just told me that he's going to be in Washington for a conference (in three months) and asked if he could come down that weekend after his conference and spend the weekend with me. I was pleasantly surprised, and said yes. We've also been texting every day - every few days for the past two months, and we've talked on the phone a couple times.
I'm not sure what to expect from this situation, or how to approach the whole thing.
Just let it happen. If there is chemistry and you like each other, bang him, or don't, depending on your values. Don't expect anything either way and you won't get hurt.
I'm so glad I'm old, because these situations never came up, and for good reason. You know very little about this man, and you're thinking of having him spend the weekend with you? Forget whether it's going to be true love or FWB, I'd be more concerned about my personal safety, especially if I lived alone.
So what if he's not a rapist or serial killer, but you find each other insanely boring as all get out, and you're stuck together? That's not good either. Need to establish some boundaries first, for your mutual protection.
I'm so glad I'm old, because these situations never came up, and for good reason. You know very little about this man, and you're thinking of having him spend the weekend with you? Forget whether it's going to be true love or FWB, I'd be more concerned about my personal safety, especially if I lived alone.
Yeah, I'm old and don't understand it either. You met the guy at a wedding a few months ago for a few hours and now he's asking to spend the weekend? What could possibly go wrong?
He could also be a serial killer, or genuinely nice guy who wants to see you again. Is it against your beliefs to go out with a guy, to have fun (and i don't mean sex) without thinking about a long-term relationship?
We were in a similar situation, when I came to visit my mom for 10 days. We wound up hanging out on the second day I was there and then hung out every day for the rest of the time I was there. I am in Florida and she was in New Jersey. She came to visit me less than two months later and agreed to move down here with me. So I went up there and helped her move.
It doesn't sound like this situation is headed for that though, as he seems to have a job set up in New York. Just keeping talking with him every day and see how it goes.
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