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My ex and I broke up nearly 2.5 years ago. I have been single ever since. I've not even been interested in anyone - I've been busy starting a new fulfilling career, dealing with family stuff, etc. But I can't say I have even met anyone I'd be interested in dating (with one exception- there was a man I met a handful of times in a group setting, really liked, but beyond a few casual texts nothing happened). I don't have the desire to really try and put the effort into starting and building a relationship. And I enjoy being alone (although physically, it's not at all ideal..).
The issue is, I miss my ex not infrequently. At least far more than I should at this point. We did date for six years, which, at thirty, is a significant chunk of my life. I've never been with someone I actually loved the way I did him. We could make each laugh pretty much in any circumstance. He was my best friend and I his, for a long time. We had great chemistry and lots of those good times. But we changed (him moreso than I..?) in ways that made us incompatible and in the long run it clearly wasn't going to work.
Now I wonder if, at this juncture so far beyond the expiration date, I will ever move on. Will I ever stop loving him? I think of him daily. Sometimes it's far worse and sometimes it's merely in passing; I'll see a familiar place or hear a song or whatever. But then there are moments that I feel an acute aching. Yesterday I heard a reference to an inside joke- one I hadn't thought of in forever- and felt my chest tighten and immediately grew irrationally sad. Like I could barely keep myself from crying at work. I don't understand these mood swings or why it is I am being affected all this time later..it's like I just can't let go. I resent the fact that I am so stuck in this general momentum-less plane of missing and longing for something that doesn't exist anymore and never will. I tend to be one to idealize the past, so there's that I suppose.
Has anyone else ever experienced this kind of long range mourning post-breakup? Is there anyway beyond "time" to get over someone? Dating is unrealistic because I don't care to. Sometimes I think a good shag would help but sometimes even that is more trouble than it's worth. Are there people out there who just never move on??
Now I wonder if, at this juncture so far beyond the expiration date, I will ever move on. Will I ever stop loving him? I think of him daily. Sometimes it's far worse and sometimes it's merely in passing; I'll see a familiar place or hear a song or whatever. But then there are moments that I feel an acute aching. Yesterday I heard a reference to an inside joke- one I hadn't thought of in forever- and felt my chest tighten and immediately grew irrationally sad. Like I could barely keep myself from crying at work. I don't understand these mood swings or why it is I am being affected all this time later..it's like I just can't let go. I resent the fact that I am so stuck in this general momentum-less plane of missing and longing for something that doesn't exist anymore and never will. I tend to be one to idealize the past, so there's that I suppose.
Re: the bolded---whaaaa? What expiration date? What "so far beyond"? I have no idea what you're talking about. You're still really young, in your prime, in fact.
I think it only seems that you haven't moved on. The fact that you encountered another guy who raised your interest is a sign that you're ready to move on. But compatible people aren't a dime a dozen; it's not surprising that it took you a couple of years to find someone like that. That's normal. And you've been focused on building your career, that's a good thing. By advancing in your career, you may put yourself in a position of meeting more people you share interests and goals in common with.
You sometimes dwell on the past mainly because there's no one to take his place, IMO. If you had a new love interest (which you almost did, for awhile, until it became clear it wouldn't go anywhere), your longing for the past would resolve pretty quickly, because you'd have someone new to look forward to.
Be patient, and work on circulating a bit more. You might consider seeing a grief counselor to get a boost in getting past this what you call a mood-swing phase.
I don't think it's feasible to mourn two years after.
Sure, you can think about a past love, and to a point even miss him/her, but the past is the past. I've thought about a past love, and wondered if they're well, but I have to go on with my life, as they with theirs.
There are stories however, of getting with and/or marrying someone, while secretly pining over a past love. You don't mourn, but you still have that "spark" for them deep within.
My ex and I broke up nearly 2.5 years ago. I have been single ever since. I've not even been interested in anyone - I've been busy starting a new fulfilling career, dealing with family stuff, etc. But I can't say I have even met anyone I'd be interested in dating (with one exception- there was a man I met a handful of times in a group setting, really liked, but beyond a few casual texts nothing happened). I don't have the desire to really try and put the effort into starting and building a relationship. And I enjoy being alone (although physically, it's not at all ideal..).
The issue is, I miss my ex not infrequently. At least far more than I should at this point. We did date for six years, which, at thirty, is a significant chunk of my life. I've never been with someone I actually loved the way I did him. We could make each laugh pretty much in any circumstance. He was my best friend and I his, for a long time. We had great chemistry and lots of those good times. But we changed (him moreso than I..?) in ways that made us incompatible and in the long run it clearly wasn't going to work.
Now I wonder if, at this juncture so far beyond the expiration date, I will ever move on. Will I ever stop loving him? I think of him daily. Sometimes it's far worse and sometimes it's merely in passing; I'll see a familiar place or hear a song or whatever. But then there are moments that I feel an acute aching. Yesterday I heard a reference to an inside joke- one I hadn't thought of in forever- and felt my chest tighten and immediately grew irrationally sad. Like I could barely keep myself from crying at work. I don't understand these mood swings or why it is I am being affected all this time later..it's like I just can't let go. I resent the fact that I am so stuck in this general momentum-less plane of missing and longing for something that doesn't exist anymore and never will. I tend to be one to idealize the past, so there's that I suppose.
Has anyone else ever experienced this kind of long range mourning post-breakup? Is there anyway beyond "time" to get over someone? Dating is unrealistic because I don't care to. Sometimes I think a good shag would help but sometimes even that is more trouble than it's worth. Are there people out there who just never move on??
I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I think if you're in your thirties you are still young, I'm pushing 47 soon and I think the 30's and 40's are probably some of the best times of your life. I can only hope the 50's which I'm getting close to are as good.
Maybe the "idealizing the past" stuff might be at play here. I know that there are some self-help books out there that could help you a bit, just maybe get a different perspective on it. Perhaps you are just missing the "idea" of him, if that makes any sense.
Your comments about hearing a song or an inside joke and "feeling your chest tighten and immediately grow sad" really resonated with me and I felt a sadness for you that I rarely get or feel reading CD posts.
You're not alone even though you feel like you are. I do hope you move on and do good things in your life, best of luck to you.
Re: the bolded---whaaaa? What expiration date? What "so far beyond"? I have no idea what you're talking about. You're still really young, in your prime, in fact.
I think it only seems that you haven't moved on. The fact that you encountered another guy who raised your interest is a sign that you're ready to move on. But compatible people aren't a dime a dozen; it's not surprising that it took you a couple of years to find someone like that. That's normal. And you've been focused on building your career, that's a good thing. By advancing in your career, you may put yourself in a position of meeting more people you share interests and goals in common with.
You sometimes dwell on the past mainly because there's no one to take his place, IMO. If you had a new love interest (which you almost did, for awhile, until it became clear it wouldn't go anywhere), your longing for the past would resolve pretty quickly, because you'd have someone new to look forward to.
Be patient, and work on circulating a bit more. You might consider seeing a grief counselor to get a boost in getting past this what you call a mood-swing phase.
I mean the expiration date of the relationship..it ended 2.5 years ago.
Thanks for your thoughts, I think you are right- especially about finding a compatible partner.
I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I think if you're in your thirties you are still young, I'm pushing 47 soon and I think the 30's and 40's are probably some of the best times of your life. I can only hope the 50's which I'm getting close to are as good.
Maybe the "idealizing the past" stuff might be at play here. I know that there are some self-help books out there that could help you a bit, just maybe get a different perspective on it. Perhaps you are just missing the "idea" of him, if that makes any sense.
Your comments about hearing a song or an inside joke and "feeling your chest tighten and immediately grow sad" really resonated with me and I felt a sadness for you that I rarely get or feel reading CD posts.
You're not alone even though you feel like you are. I do hope you move on and do good things in your life, best of luck to you.
Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts. It means a great deal. You are 100% correct that the idea of him is what I am truly missing, I think. The thing is I can't even imagine getting back together or wanting to- that dream is long dead.
I am sure you are right, the better years are ahead, hoping for us both
Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts. It means a great deal. You are 100% correct that the idea of him is what I am truly missing, I think. The thing is I can't even imagine getting back together or wanting to- that dream is long dead.
I am sure you are right, the better years are ahead, hoping for us both
Well, at the end of the day I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. Sometimes things are just the way they are, IDK. Who knows, but one thing I know is that the world will beat you up enough, we need not do it to ourselves.
I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I think if you're in your thirties you are still young, I'm pushing 47 soon and I think the 30's and 40's are probably some of the best times of your life. I can only hope the 50's which I'm getting close to are as good.
Maybe the "idealizing the past" stuff might be at play here. I know that there are some self-help books out there that could help you a bit, just maybe get a different perspective on it. Perhaps you are just missing the "idea" of him, if that makes any sense.
Your comments about hearing a song or an inside joke and "feeling your chest tighten and immediately grow sad" really resonated with me and I felt a sadness for you that I rarely get or feel reading CD posts.
You're not alone even though you feel like you are. I do hope you move on and do good things in your life, best of luck to you.
^This post takes the win.
OP, I get it. It took me years to get over my divorce, or more to the point, my marriage, because its end was very unexpected and sudden, and the betrayal was so extreme.
In the end, I had to get (geographically) away and focus not on what he had "done to me," but on what my role in the demise of our marriage was and take responsibility for those things, not to excuse his bad behavior, but to ensure that my own past did not repeat itself.
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What expiration date? What "so far beyond"? I have no idea what you're talking about. You're still really young, in your prime, in fact. 
